Do Pedophiles deserve sympathy? (page 12)

talesin

AGuest ... PFO

:)

peace be with YOU!

Edit - I already expressed myself early on in that thread --- did you not read my comment?

purplesofa

Just a piece of non-important info!

I read this last night after Sanduskys arrest.

#Sandusky : Just to give you a sense of this man's arrogance, the vicuna jacket he was wearing yesterday likely cost anywhere from $20,000 to $80,000, depending on who made it. His was likely bespoke (hand-tailored), so would have been in the upper range.

Qcmbr

I don't even know whether I agree with my rational assessment below. I'm a father.

Natural selection has selected traits that aid survival. There must have been many times when it was required for an older male (or female ?) to impregnate a young person ( either as an alpha male possession trait or in dire survival circumstances ) so I can see why there would be an element of power / possession plus lustful attraction prevalent in a section of society. It is not a natural perversion , it was a useful trait once. We have outpaced evolution in many areas and now this natural attraction / need to control or dominate a young person has become a detrimental trait. We have options available. We could kill or lock up all convicted paedophiles but this would seem to be less effective ( they will hide much as they do now .) We could recognise it as natural but undesirable ( like a predilection to alcoholism ) and then decide how we manage it. Many cultures have not criminalised paedophiles. I suspect this is not an option to modern sensibilities. In our desire to protect our innocent children we drive the problem underground, forcing paedophiles to seek each other out with predictable consequences. I think this is what I would do to combat it:

Early basic sex education for children with an emphasis on what are acceptable boundaries and when those boundaries are breached. Give children an explanation about what their bodies potential is and why it should not be used by anyone else till they are older.
We should work together to build a framework of what it is acceptable for the media and fashion industry to encourage and portray for our children. Clothing manufacturers etc should not be allowed to produce adult style clothing for children or to promote beauty pageants. Pop music should have a rating system like films. Pop videos should only be shown after an appropriate time if they contain sexual content ( such as a large amount of flesh, sexual behaviour and crude lyrics.) The fashion and pop industry has been given too much leeway in the promotion of confusing sexual messages to children.
We must allow paedophiles to come forward and undergo reversible sexual repression therapy but more importantly to discuss their feelings openly with non- paedophiles. I am attracted to women but I have overcome my natural urge to procreate with multiple women (with or without their consent ) because I was able to train in correct sexual behaviour early on. Now the idea of rape or having an affair is abhorrent to me but I have learnt that rather than been blessed with that knowledge through genetics or instinct. Many paedophiles could be cultured out of action if they could verbalise their drives without censure. Offenders must still be locked away.

Do I sympathise? Honestly I don't know how to. My natural instinct is to destroy that which threatens my family. I suspect it is a terrible burden for the few who are trained to resist but for those who are not I think they may be beyond help and will follow their natural impulses unintentionally aided and abetted by our society's institutions and our own misguided reactive anger.

talesin

Sorry, purps, for the negative comments. I cannot abide misinformation about this subject. Fighting sexual abuse of minors has been a passion for me since 1990, when I first started working with homeless youth. Since then, I have worked as a crisis intervenor with rape victims, and adult survivors, and been a support worker for a person who was ritually abused. I have extensive training in this field, as well as personal experience.

For many years, I have worked and advocated in this field. Opinions? Fine. But stating facts that are not true? Nope, I have zero tolerance for that. This is *my* area of expertise. Lady Lee has the professional and personal experience to counsel and lead, she is awesome. But I will not let erroneous statements by others, who do not have such expertise, go unchallenged.

xo

tal

purplesofa

I was thinking what if I had a family member that confided to me they were a pedophile, how would I handle it?

I would certainly insist on therapy,

I would continue to show love and respect. I would probably refrain from inviting them to one

of my grandkids birthday parties, or would I? I can't imagine shunning them for it. I would

probably be hopeful they could be with children in our own family setting as long as their were adults around looking after everything, or

would I?

I would be totally gutted if they ever acted on their feelings.

I can't imagine a deeper rage than if someone were to hurt one of my grandkids in any way.

I don't think I would be forgiving or sympathetic.

But in the back of my mind I would always think....Have we done enough to stop this from happening as a society?

Can we do better?

Qcmbr

We should work together to build a framework of what it is acceptable for the media and fashion industry to encourage and portray for our children. Clothing manufacturers etc should not be allowed to produce adult style clothing for children or to promote beauty pageants. Pop music should have a rating system like films. Pop videos should only be shown after an appropriate time if they contain sexual content ( such as a large amount of flesh, sexual behaviour and crude lyrics.) The fashion and pop industry has been given too much leeway in the promotion of confusing sexual messages to children.

We're cool Talesin,

Your insight and input is awesome, thanks!

talesin

This is the truth, and bears repeating. Much love to you, Purps. YES!!!!

But in the back of my mind I would always think....Have we done enough to stop this from happening as a society?
Can we do better?

sooner7nc

That is a no win situation for you. No matter what choice you made you would live with guilt your whole life and he would have made you another one of his victims.

This is one of the worst parts because I feel very confident in saying that if I did it, at least if I did it right now, that I would feel absolutely nothing and that's the part that concerns me.

sabastious

Clearly they are able to justify the abuse of a child. When I confronted my father about the abuse he said "If you think I'm going to apologize you're crazy" In his mind what he did was perfectly okay and deserved no apology. I have had abusers come into my office and tell their victim and me that it was her fault and he would not accept more than 50% of the blame or that what he did wasn't so bad. To make this "choice" and yes it is a choice they have to justify it somehow and they come up with all kinds of things: I wasn't getting it from my wife, I couldn't help myself, she belongs to me and does what I twell her. . . It all boils down to "I have the power and can do whatever I want"

Exactly. They don't dissociate instead they rationalize which makes it a crime instead of merely an act of mental illness. It's the victim that cannot fathom the reality of the matter and disassociate into delusion as a means of escape. It's a clear perpetrator/defendant relationship.

-Sab

talesin

This is one of the worst parts because I feel very confident in saying that if I did it, at least if I did it right now, that I would feel absolutely nothing and that's the part that concerns me.

Do not let that concern you, Sooner, because it is a natural reaction... he stole something from you, that cannot be replaced. The BLOOD-GUILT is HIS, not yours!

Also, you are only thinking on it, not acting... totally natural!

xo

tal

talesin

Sigh. I think you've mistaken my statement, dear Tal (peace to you!): it wasn't meant to indicate that pedophilia is the result of child abuse. My responses above show that I don't think that. It was [and was intended to be] a misnomer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misnomer), dear one. ANY time a pedophile was himself/herself abused... and many (no, of course not, not all, ) have been... is, IMHO, too common.

On another note I am not sure why, once again, something I've posted got you all riled... but perhaps you should consider being done, at least with me. I hope not, but I really don't want to be the cause of you continually being so "upset"... and you ARE a free agent, so...

"DONE" with you? Well, then, stop making comments that are untrue.

Okay, I am going to address this. In your comments, you stated that victims often become offenders. This is untrue, and puts a heavy burden, especially, on male survivors. They are looked upon with suspision when they disclose, because ignorant people, like yourself, think that because *they* were abused, they are just as sick as their abusers. Please stop propagating a fallacious lie about survivors of child abuse.

It would be nice if you would 'fess up' to your own comments!

grrr

t

Do Pedophiles deserve sympathy?

Share this