I used to be a JW! Shocking, I know

by NewChapter 76 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  tec

  No one else defines you. People say that here, and different people say that about any kind of person on here. What are you going to do?

  Well, start this thread, I guess. But I hope you're not letting the comparison get to you too much.

  The "I am right and everyone else is wrong" is an attitude that is not limited to JW's, ex-jw's, fundamentalists, teenagers, etc. (Nor is the 'sister attitude' that there is something wrong with everyone who can't see the truth or reality of what you see) It is just reminiscent of their same attitude, and since jw is the shared background of this board, then that is the comparison that will get used the most, if people are attempting to show a comparison. Now if someone who was never a jw said that to discredit someone's opinion, I would personally find that much more of a cheap shot.

  Peace,

  tammy
• 

  NewChapter

  You wouldn't find it as cheap a shot when fellow Ex JW's use it on each other. Of course not. However, I find it a great deal more offensive coming from someone that should know better. In fact, being told repeatedly that I need to mature, to grow past the WT conditioning, to have my approach criticized as being JW, and to have my ideas invalidated by such a hostile comparison---and to not be able to make it stop---has actually made me consider just giving up this forum. Thus the thread.

  I can get nothing out of this thread when superior people continue to throw my mistake in my face. I don't take much personal on this board---including being told f u and called terrible names for being an atheist---but this particular insult is so offensive to me, so vile, so contrary to what I come here to do, that I admit, it is the one thing that makes me want to throw it in and walk away.

  If I want people to throw things about my past in my face, I'm sure I can find people in real life.

  Now you know how I feel about it. It disgusts and discourages me. It is unacceptable.

  Now would you like to defend me when it happens, or would you continue to make excuses?

  NC
• 

  tec

  I have already stated how I feel about it. What would you like me to do other than that?

  It doesn't invalidate you, btw. No one thinks anything less of you or your mind or your reasoning skills due to anyone making this comparison.

  And yes, I 100% agree that once you have stated how deeply this bothers you, that others should respect that and not use it against you.

  This doesn't mean no one is ever going to use this comparison again. Some have no other comparison to make, because the WTS is all they knew, and so those are the only 'I am right and you are all wrong' thinking people they have known. People make observations; others call them out on it. Hopefully, everyone learns and grows... even if that is just in showing more respect, compassion or understanding.

  Believers are also subject to this, as well, as I assume you have seen. 'You didn't make it far enough out of that type of thinking, because you still believe in God. You haven't developed critical thinking since you left, because you still believe in God.' This doesn't insult me, because it doesn't really apply (had faith in God long, long, before my study), but it may be as dismissive to the faith of other people as you find it to be dismissive of you critical/logical thinking. Do you think this is as unfair a comparison to make?

  Peace,

  tammy
• 

  NewChapter

  I don't use it on people. I call it out when I see it used---even when I am in disagreement. I absolutely expect to have the random comparison made with me. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me, is when it is not a random comparison. When it is used over and over, and then fucking defended as a valid way to address me. When it goes on and on and keeps popping up. It will happen again---and that's fine. What bothers me is when someone superior uses it, digs their heels in, and continues to use it.

  Do you not see a difference?

  NC
• 

  tec

  Sure I see the difference. I said so in another place, in response to you on this subject. (or maybe it was this thread) Which is why I think that when someone knows how much it bothers you, then the comparison should cease. Out of respect and compassion. Show it if you want to receive it, sort of thing. This applies to believer and non-believer alike.

  But NC, why do you allow what one person thinks of you to matter so much as to take your peace of mind like this?

  I am not saying that you're silly to be angry or anything like that. I mean, I too have paced the floors in anger, shed tears, wanted to never come back... all over what some have said to or about me on this forum (believer and non-believer alike). I am saying that it does not matter what someone else thinks of you. It matters what you think and know about yourself. I know you know this already. Sometimes you got to hear it again though.

  Peace,

  tammy
• 

  NewChapter

  Tammy,

  I don't come here to have my past thrown in my face---not randomly---but repeatedly and with purpose. I post on a thread, someone doesn't like my approach or mistakes confidence or convinction for something else---and it gets lobbed at me. Every time. And recently by someone who I may have considered more as a friend than a faceless person on a forum. And others have followed suit---fully supported. Call me names---many have. Accuse me of dispicable things---many have. But throw my past mistake up in my face over and over in the place I come to work it all out, and that is a different monster. It is abusive as far as I'm concerned. I do feel that it says more about the person throwing such an attack than it says about the target. But I still want it to stop.

  It is a very personal attack----not against my ideas---but against my very person and my history. It is dispicable and no one should have to just tolerate it without pushing back. Especially not in the place where people come to get away from that shit. For all the talk about respect, I have never called foul when someone has attacked my ideas. Where is all this talk of respect when I am personally attacked in a most sensitive spot---a spot that many of us here have?

  I want it to stop. I don't want to talk, or work it out. I want it to stop.

  NC
• 

  tec

  Then it should stop.

  Peace,

  tammy