Cyber-Bullies

by Lady Lee 115 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    As a kid I got bullied a lot. I was taller than all the kids in the class. I wore funny clothes - usually hand-me-downs from somewhere or just plain ugly. My parents were separated at a time when few kids had divorced parents. We moved so often that I rarely got to know anyone in school so that was another source for bullying - pick on the new kid.

    Years ago when the show All in the Family with Archie Bunker was on TV I hated it. I hated how Archie put everyone down that he didn't like.He was rude and obnoxious and just a big bully. I couldn't see why people thought this was so funny.

    When my kids were young I never let them watch The Flintstones. Fred was always yelling at his wife, Wilma over something or other. I didn't want my kids to think that was okay behavior to do or accept. It reminded me greatly of the older show The Honeymooners where the husband was yelling that he would send his wife to the moon as he shook a fist in the air. I didn't think this was funny.

    More recently the show Roseanne showed what it was like in working class dysfunctional families where usually Roseanne but not always got to put other people down and bullied them into silence. I didn't think this was funny either.

    Along the way I became a Jehovah's Witness and got to experience spiritual bullying. A whole new world of being told I wasn't good enough, or wasn't doing enough or wasn't worthy enough.

    I know I am overly sensitive about this. I lived in families like this both when my parents were together and when they were apart, with one parent or two, with step-parents, grandparents and then into a foster family. No matter where I lived there were people who were bigger and louder, bullying anyone they saw as weaker than them.

    We hear about it all the time in the media. Kids even committing suicide because of bullying. It is tragic and finally people are beginning to see how serious a problem this is.

    Now I see it online. Not with kids. But adults. People who should know better. Calling people names, making fun of them, putting them down. It is insulting and it is bullying.

    Almost every website on the internet that has a place for discussion has a rule about insulting behavior towards other posters. I have closed my eyes to it for a long time but I think I am at the point where I can no longer do that.

    As a kid I learned in church (yes I went to church as a little kid - often by myself) but I was taught "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you". Luke 6:31. I have lived by this most of my life. I don't have to think about doing it. I just do it. It has been internalized. It is a part of how I act towards others. I'm not perfect but I don't try to make fun of people. I hold my tongue or my fingers.

    I have found that there is always a respectful way to let someone know you don't agree with them. You don't have to resort to insulting or disrespectful comments. You don't have to call them names. You don't have to pick on someone you don't like or agree with. You can choose to walk away and find something else or just ignore the bully.

    Wikipedia has some info on cyber-bullying

    Definition

    The term "cyberbullying" was first coined and defined by Canadian educator and anti-bullying activist Bill Belsey, as "the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others." [ 1 ]

    Cyberbullying has subsequently been defined as "when the Internet, cell phones or other devices are used to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person". [ 2 ] Other researchers use similar language to describe the phenomenon. [ 3 ] [ 4 ]

    Cyberbullying can be as simple as continuing to send e-mail to someone who has said they want no further contact with the sender, but it may also include threats, sexual remarks, pejorative labels (i.e., hate speech), ganging up on victims by making them the subject of ridicule in forums, and posting false statements as fact aimed at humiliation.

    Cyberbullies may disclose victims' personal data (e.g. real name, address, or workplace/schools) at websites or forums or may pose as the identity of a victim for the purpose of publishing material in their name that defames or ridicules them. Some cyber-bullies may also send threatening and harassing emails and instant messages to the victims, while other post rumors or gossip and instigate others to dislike and gang up on the target.

    I have seen these things online and am ashamed to say I have turned my head and done nothing. But I can't do that anymore. It hurts too much to just pretend I didn't see it.

    Years ago I took it upon myself to report anything that I suspected might be abuse to the police. I have called the police when a man was trying to break down a door where his wife was hiding. I could hear them screaming from across the street. I have thanked children who helped me while their parents yelled at them not to help anyone. I have called the police on a neighbor when I thought the father was throwing his kid against the wall. Turned out they were playing with a soccer ball and that is what I hear hit the wall. The father later thanked me for being concerned enough about his child's welfare that I would call. We became friends after that.

    Well I am at the point I can't tolerate cyber-bullying on the internet. So if I see it I will no longer turn away and say nothing. I will say something. And you might not like it. I will be respectful but I will say something.

    We all have the power to stop cyber-bullying. We can be part of the problem either by doing it or turning a blind eye to it or we can be part of the solution and speak out when we see it.

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze
    Years ago when the show All in the Family with Archie Bunker was on TV I hated it. I hated how Archie put everyone down that he didn't like.He was rude and obnoxious and just a big bully. I couldn't see why people thought this was so funny.

    It was funny because Archie was the actual butt of the joke. The point was to show the absurdity of what he believed through his rude and obnoxious behavior.

    Having said that, I agree with what you're saying. There's far too much name-calling, even on this forum. Calling someone an idiot doesn't invalidate their viewpoint.

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    When someone uses their posts to constantly belittle and patronise others then they may legitimately be called an idiot!

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    But I will stop calling Eggnog an Idiot.......unless he upsets Pams Girl again!

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    keyser

    I did get that. It was supposed to be a "what-not-to-do" kind of thing but I just cringed because that was how my father talked to people - well except the cops. He was smart enough not to call them stupid

    cantleave

    they shouldn't be doing that either but that doesn't justify name calling

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    thank you

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    How could anyone bully you Lee.!???? All I remember about you at the assemblies is the beautiful lass
    doing the sign language up the front....
    But if you see me doing any bullying !!!! Yes!!!! tick me of NOT silently!!!!I am know to"say what I think
    not to think what I say"
    Mouthy

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Grace

    You knew me as a shy quiet young woman who obediently did what she was told. Signing was the first thing I did that made me feel really good - other than my 2 daughters..

    I'm not so shy anymore. A few years after I left the JWs I met a woman who sometimes went to the meetings. She was baptized but rarely came. She was froends with my mother. Anyways I met her on the street and she remarked how much I had changed just in the way I presented myself. I wasn't the shy little wallflower anymore. I could look people in the eye and stand tall and felt good about myself. I hadn't really changed what I wore or my hair so it was the inner me coming out that she could see. I think I will always remember that like it was yesterday.

    Grace there is a difference between saying what you believe and being rude. It is possible for 2 people to have a discussion, even a debate, and both walk away feeling that at least they had said what they wanted to say whether you convinced the other side or not. I don't think I have ever read where you called someone names.

    But if you do......... I'll let you know

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Yes you were a shy little girl ..... I remember you well. I admired your so...

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    Lady you have a pm.

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