A Woman, A Woman - Oh What Can She Be?

by LoneWolf 151 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • meangirl
    meangirl

    How do I conclude how he views what a woman's purpose is:

    We soon had five daughters who had the potential of becoming the same thing she was. The way that women have been reduced to second class citizens and taken advantage of down over the years has always grieved me. Therefore I tried my best to give them not only the knowledge of what they were, but a respect and appreciation for how they were created. That meant giving them a knowledge and understanding of the entire process.

    They understood the monthly menses and their purpose just as soon as they were old enough to comprehend, and in fact, I still laugh about one occurrence that happened when the oldest were only two and three years old. They came in the house one hot summer afternoon in Southern California and ran up to the arm of the recliner where I was sipping a glass of ice water and reading the newspaper, while trying to cool down after a hot day's work. "Daddy, will you tell us about the birds and the bees?"

  • N.drew
    N.drew

    I think his essay is about life not sociology. OK We can see now what you read "the monthly menses and their purpose". "And their purpose" might mean to live and love, are you sure it means only making babies? By the theme of the post, I understand it to mean being the best (at whatever) that they can be. Are you a Betty Friedan fan?

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Is there something wrong in his motive if he wants her to find joy as a wife and mother?

    I enjoy being a wife/partner and mother, I would be quite happy for my husband/partner to be pleased that I found joy in that role. I also have other roles...but that is an important one at present and to have someone that appreciates that can't be a bad thing. There are many men in todays society that do not appreciate the role of a mother in their childrens lives...they have high expectations. My first marriage was like that, mother, provider, problem solver, income earner, general dogs body, no value put on what I did at all, no value placed on my role as a mother. Now THAT is what I call someone with a bad motive.

    I think that the WTS paints this as being a demeaning subservient role...but it isn't. It is a part of our lives IF we have children. Of course if we don't have children then it's not an issue.

    I think it is more demeaning for a partner/husband to expect the woman to take on the primary role of child rearing and running the house solely. As if she is good for nothing else. But to encourage her in that role and be a hands on father and partner/husband, that is not demeaning.

    For some women, it is their purpose, for others not so much. Just because he enjoys this about women does not mean that he is demeaning them.

    I do see your point if you take it that he simply sees this as a womans role in life...but I don't read that in his posts. He appears to love his wife and daughters. He appreciates that they are women and loves their 'womanliness' but he also enjoys their successes other than motherhood.

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    "It was NOT normal for 15 year old girls to marry 50 years ago.The facts/statistics show this."

    I don't know if it was not normal but I know of a few instances in my own family of girls marrying at 16 and younger and being in happy marriages for 50+ years (this would include my grandmother, her daughter (my aunt), and my grandmother's sister-in-law). I'm not implying that I would wish my 14 year old daughter to even think of marrying anyone at this time in her life. She's too young, that was then and this is now.

    I see no point in your berating a man who's been happily married to his wife for over 50 years now, Mean Girl. I think you anger is misplaced on this topic.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    I understand that it may be even be more the norm throughout the world for girls to marry. This story evidently happened in this culture. I am about the same age as the poster. Unless West Virginia is the locale, such a marriage prob. needed parental consent. When my 17 year old knocked up JW cousin married the righteous 34 year old brother who was the father of her child, she needed parental consent. What parent consents to this?

    It is not my business, however. It was not normal practice in the United States, Canada, or Europe for girls to marry at fifteen b/c a fiftee n year old is a girl, not a woman. While the age difference is not much different in adults, every year is precious and brings growth and hopefully, discretion. I would not tell someone in India or some other culture what age was appropriate. Why mention the ages anyway? Curious.

  • AGuest
    AGuest
    @ AGuest Peace to you

    Again, peace to you, dear MG!

    Don't forget to report devil fish as well when you go tattling.

    Well, no, see, I don't see it as the same. Dear Devil-Fish posted his/her opinion... and then pretty much moved on. You, however, not only posted your opinion, but then attempted to move the thread into entirely new topic... WHILE taking potshots at the OP... including making libelous statements. I say they're libelous because you are completely disregarding the LAW at the time he married (apparently, neither you nor dear BOTR - peace to you! - bothered to look up the age of marriage consent AT THE TIME. I did... and included it in my last post).

    I see I have touched a nerve.

    Perhaps... because I cannot see the BENEFIT of your attacks at this juncture. Even so, I don't think you're really in a position to point fingers at who might have had their nerves "touched", dear one.

    No I don't expect Lonewolf to leave his wife. What I do expect is for him to realize it is not normal for an 18 year old man to date a 13 year old girl and then marry her when she is 15.

    And why do you ASSUME that he doesn't realize this... NOW? Because he reminisced... with some level of JOY... over what took place in his life more than 50 years ago??

    I found his post about a "freckled face girl" he wanted to make "his woman" extremely offensive and disturbing.

    Like I said... you really shouldn't comment as to whose nerves were "touched". But that you even TAKE offense... at something someone thought OVER 50 YEARS AGO... is asinine. Again, if he was 20 and she 15 NOW... and he thought this way... I could see your "concern." That you are concerned NOW... is ridiculous. I promise you. Ask YOUR grandfather...

    It was NOT normal for 15 year old girls to marry 50 years ago.The facts/statistics show this.

    NO. The statistics do NOT show this! The statistics SHOW... the AVERAGE age of marriage. Which has absolutely NOTHING to do with what was considered "normal." The statistics DO show, however, that 47% of women who DID marry were "under age 19" in 1959-60. Which is when the OP got married (1960). True, parental permission may have been required, but who said it was not given?

    The fact that there are laws today about 18 year old men dating 13 year old girls I think speaks for itself.

    It speaks for what most recognize TODAY. Because TODAY... women have many more OPTIONS. Fifty years ago... not so many. Some... but certainly not a many as today. Even so... again, while the AVERAGE age of marriage may have been 22 back then... that says NOTHING as to what was considered "normal."

    I have a feeling you are older and I know I am just a young bitch yada yada yada.

    For the first part, perhaps. Seems so. For the second part... I don't know about the b*tch part (I rarely think of ANY woman in that manner), but you certainly ARE showing yourself to be young. Not in HOW you're thinking... but in how you're EXPRESSING what you think... about whom... and to whom. I mean, if the ONLY thing the dear OP ever did wrong in his life was to marry a 15-year-old... well, then... yeah, you're right: off with his head. Of course, though, you yourself are "without sin," yes? Never done anything wrong... based on your beliefs/opinions OR anyone else's. Right?

    I know Lonewolf was a "gentleman" when he first saw this his wife's oldest sister had gotten married, the second oldest was not available and moved down the line accordingly.

    See, what you're MISSING... is that this was a 20-year-old JW... 50 years ago! How else was he taught to look for a wife? What else was he taught OTHER THAN to look for a wife (or become a celibate Bethelite/special pioneer)? I mean, seriously? How in the WORLD would a 20-year-old JW 50 years ago even start??

    I know he was a "gentleman" when he accused me of being promiscuous.

    You accused him of being a pedophile (yes, you have more than implied it!). So, he gave HIS opinion of YOU. You dished it out... now you want him to act "gentlemanly" toward you? If that's what you thing/expected, then I must say yes... you are young. Very. Even if you're 80 years old. Because you expected him to treat YOU with more regard than you gave him.

    I know he was being a "gentleman" when he decided the only purpose in life for a 15 year old was to be a wife and mother.

    LOLOLOL! 50 years ago??? For a JW 15 year old? Okay, you tell me: what OTHER "purpose" was there for her?? What, you don't think her parents would have married off to someone ELSE? Someone who WOULDN'T have loved her as much and as well? Someone who wouldn't have given a HANG about whether she was happy or not? Maybe even someone OLDER? So, why not THIS "brother"? Yes, girl, you are young. Very.

    I know he is an older "gentleman" and such a victim by meanie me. Yada Yada Yada.

    Ummmmm... no, I don't think dear LW is a victim of ANYONE, and certainly not you. I mean, that you get your jollies being... well, "mean" notwithstanding... I am speaking up NOT to take up for him... but because YOU are out of line.

    I am done with this thread.

    Umm-hmm, sure...

    The last thing I am going to say is it is such a miracle that I, as a young woman, made it through life not turning to a life of prostitution back when I was a 15 year old girl or not turning to drugs since I didn't get married.

    Perhaps. Depends on where/how you grew up. It truly WAS a miracle that I didn't, as many of my friends/schoolmates did. Many are now dead. From domestic violence, drugs, pimps, AIDS, suicide... and lots of cancer.

    It is a miracle that I bought my own car while in high school, graduated high school, found a man as an ADULT that I loved and wanted to marry, had a family and have a very successful career.

    Why? I mean, you sound pretty capable. Now, it you did all of this, say, 50 years ago... you might have a point...

    Pity, to think how much better my life would have been if all my schoolgirl crushes had take advantage of me......or better yet if I would have taken a 13 year old boy seriously as an 18 year old woman when he proclaimed his love for me......

    That your life is great NOW... doesn't mean it wouldn't have been had you taken another path, chile. Surely you realize, though, that there IS a maturity difference between 13 year old boys... and 13 year old girls? As well as 15 year old boys and 15 year old girls? 5 year old boys and 5 year old girls? Heck, THESE days... 30 year old "boys"... and 30 year old "girls"? Wait... perhaps you don't. That would explain your... ummmm... being so appalled...

    Good day.

    Indeed! And, again, peace to you!

    YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,

    SA

  • AGuest
    AGuest
    It was not normal practice in the United States, Canada, or Europe for girls to marry at fifteen b/c a fiftee n year old is a girl, not a woman.

    Ummm... I can't see where your conclusion supports your assertion, dear BOTR (peace to you!). That a 15 year old is a girl, not a woman, has what to do with what was "normal" practice as to marriage? Not average, yes. Not desired by many, sure. Not "normal"? How so?

    Again, peace to you!

    A slave of Christ,

    SA

  • LoneWolf
    LoneWolf

    ROTFLOL, meangirl! So according to you, everyone should check the charts and make their life decisions based on what's "average", eh? Apparently you are one who breaks out in a rash at the very mention of logic!

    Yes, I too was a virgin.

    Logic and attention span, meangirl, logic and attention span. On your post #288, my first 3 words you quote are "Two years passed." Perhaps you are "mathematically challenged" though? LOL!!! It appears that you forget to put your brain in gear before you place your mouth in motion!

    And thanks for this marvelous opportunity to follow the good advice at Zedekiah 3:8 again! (See my last post). These opportunities always make my day!

    A few quick observations: Meangirl's post #289: "Oh and please enlighten me. What exactly haven't I acheived?" Happiness, peace, usefulness, and fulfillment would start the list. You mention a husband, but not children, and I doubt you have any. If you do, please give them my deepest sympathy. Their lives must be miserable.

    Post #291: The usual wont of busybodies is to ridicule the normal and healthy emotions of the youth by plastering demeaning names on them like "crush", "puppy love", etc., instead of helping them learn how to understand and control these new feelings. This deliberate denigration of those normal things has lead to millions of kids leaving home before they were ready, suicide, and many other tragedies. This is why I ask you to give your kids (if you have any) my deepest sympathies. I know what they are going through.

    What emotional twits like you need to have hammered through your thick skulls is that childhood does not extend right through to the stroke of midnight on their 18 th birthday, at which point they are miraculously transformed into adults. There is a considerable amount of time when they are NOT children, but they a "young adults" aka: youths. To continue to treat them as children is, in their eyes, slander. I agree with them. Those parents who are stupid enough to continue treating them as children usually lose them, sometimes permanently.

    Post # 296: "I have read many, many experiences of those on this forum who were teenagers in the 60's and are very bitter about making a decision to get baptized as a child." --- I have too. I have also known many who were baptized young and never regretted it. I was baptized at 15, and am still glad I did, disfellowshipped or not. Your error in logic is in thinking that if anyone makes a mistake, then all people should be prohibited from trying. One size does NOT fit all.

    Post #297: ROTFLOL!!!! And am I supposed to care what these fake statistics show? I have news for you little girl: according to statistics, my ENTIRE LIFE was impossible! And that's one of the great sources of joy for me - that of tackling something that people like you say is "impossible" and then doing it with ease. The look on their faces is priceless!

    Post #300: My, my! You really have your panties in a wad about my words "One of my primary goals when I married this little freckle-faced girl was to do all I knew how to be sure that she could find joy and happiness in her role of wife and mother", don't you? According to you I decided for her what she was supposed to be, that you were promiscuous (where did THAT come from???), and a whole raft of other things that were nothing more than figments of your overactive imagination. I would imagine that next you will accuse me of raping Cleopatra and Joan of Arc (actually, we had a threesome, and it was all consensual. Hehehehe!), all while stealing the green cheese off the moon. Right?

    And where did you get the nutty idea that I had to decide for her what she wanted to be, particularly when she told me straight out on our first date that "You know, I'm afraid my two older sisters will have the whole world populated before I have a chance!" I didn't have to guess or decide anything. She already knew what she wanted to do with her life.

    And don't give me the hogwash that someone of that age doesn't know their own mind. That little girl at 13 had more common sense and integrity in her little toe than you will have at any age.

    The late, great Chicago columnist Mike Royko coined a phrase that perfectly describes everything you've posted on here. He called it "ranting on empty". Amen!

    But let's get back to important things.

    N.drew - ROTFLOL!!! "Meangirl are you the Governing Body's MOTHER?" I laughed until the tears were rolling down my cheeks! Gotta remember that one!

    Thanks about your observation on my words "the monthly menses and their purpose". What you saw in that is accurate as far as it goes. There was a deeper reason for it though, that I didn't expound on because it is rather private. Let's put it this way: Back in the 50's and before, procreation and bodily functions like that simply weren't spoken of, with the result that many people grew up knowing almost nothing about how their body worked.

    I knew one girl who tragically lost her father. The very same day, only a few hours after she got the awful news, her first period started. She was horrified and, not knowing anything at all about what was happening, she figured she would be the next to die. I found that tragic and can only imagine the mental anguish she went through. I wanted to make sure that my daughters would never experience anything like that.

    So in my words above, one could substitute "and what is natural" for "and their purpose"and the correct meaning would still be there. I'm glad I didn't though, because then "meangirl" wouldn't have been able to enjoy ranting on empty! (I always aim to please. LOL!)

    AGuest - Your analysis of the conditions at that time is spot on. The age one could be married then in Oregon was indeed 15, and yes, parental consent was needed, which was not difficult, but that is no reflection on our parents.

    I thought I'd share something with you that is both funny and touching. "Meangirl" made such a self-righteous issue about not accepting the affections of younger men ---

    My grandfather on my mother's side was six years younger than my grandmother. They got acquainted because she was his Sunday school teacher. He fell in love and vowed to himself that this was the girl he was going to marry. She knew nothing of this at first, and years passed. His decency and patience drew her respect first, and eventually her love.

    They were married well over 50 years. I well remember one time when she was about 78 (she looked it too, bless her heart) that she walked into the kitchen one evening just before going to bed. She always wore her hair in a bun, but would brush it out every night, and that's what she was doing at the moment. When down, it extended well past her waist.

    My grandfather was silent as he watched her with a soft light in his eyes. After a minute or two he turned to me and said quietly, "Tom, look. Isn't she beautiful?"

    Her head dropped and she blushed just as pretty as any 15 year-old. "Oh, Charles. . . . . ." Her voice trailed off.

    She may have been 78 years-old and a great grandmother, but in his eyes she was still the beautiful young girl he had married all those years before.

    Still thinking - post #1717: I completely agree with you on all points. However, I think that there is a nuance here that is being missed by all, which is my fault for not enlarging the conversation in that direction. I made a passing reference to it, but considering some of the comments made, it is obviously inadequate. I'm referring to my words,"She blossomed far beyond anything that I expected, and I was enthralled with the results."

    The "results" referred to are extensive and pervasive, and are not limited to a narrow field like family duties. It has been my experience that it matters little who one is or what position in life one finds himself. For one to reach his or her full potential, the first and most critical task is simply to become comfortable with oneself. Once that is accomplished, then excellent progress can be made into almost any field.

    As it was, my little freckle-faced gal (I tease her that her freckles are the thousand island dressing on my hot tomato) (Grin) wanted to be a wife and mother. This inner sense of self imparts strength, and realizing that it is honored and respected by those around her made her excel in her chosen role, just as she would have excelled in other roles, if she would have chosen them. This success gave her confidence and joy, and she came out of her youthful shell and blossomed into a well rounded and delightful woman that everyone loves and respects.

    But it didn't stop there. This quality was passed on to our daughters, and now grandkids. For instance, our two oldest girls got part time jobs while in high school, pooled their money, and bought themselves a car. It needed an overhaul, so they asked me to guide them through it, which I did. They overhauled it all right, right down to the cam bearings! Those two cute girls covered in grease were a sight to see! They drove it for a while until they'd finished their second year of high school French, then sold it to finance a trip to Montreal where they hoped to polish their skill in the language. This they did for a period of one year, when they were approximately 16 and 17. At the end of the year they gave an account of their experiences at the Quebec district assembly, in French.

    Our oldest daughter is married with two kids, and is an RN in the pediatric ward of a hospital in Anchorage, Alaska. (Actually, she's one step above an RN, but I forget what it's called.) Her daughter has two kids and is in business for herself.

    Our second daughter is married with two kids, and they travel all over the place acting as interpreters at French speaking assemblies and other functions. All four of them are fluent in French, and one of their daughters has already spent some time in Africa and is finishing up her second year of Swahili.

    Another daughter loves the theater and dancing. She too is married with two kids, and she has written and produced plays and is working on another one now. She was nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs just before she directed her first one and asked what the sign of a successful play was. She was told that she could consider it a success if she sold 80% of the seats. She averaged 96%. Every showing after the first night was sold out. Her lead actor went on to play on Broadway in New York. Her daughter dances with the Eugene ballet company and has toured the Pacific Northwest with them. In her "spare" time she gets $25.00 an hour to teach ballet - and she's only 17 years old!

    I've already introduced you to Jeanne, who is married and has 4 kids. Her love is nature and the wilderness, although she loves theater too, and has her finger in a myriad other things. That includes the county fair, in which the whole family is involved. Last year when Sol was 9, he constructed about 20 scarecrows for people's gardens and sold them for prices ranging from $20.00 to $75.00. Meanwhile, his 6 year-old brother Forrest was standing in the thick of things with a contribution jar in front of him, playing his violin. These kids did these things on their own, and only received help when they asked for it.

    There's more, but I think that's enough to illustrate my point. My prime role in all of this was to forge the elbow room for them to try, and help them to realize that failures were failures in name only, for you learn more from them than anything else. About 90% of my job then, consisted in backing off the cynics and nay-sayers so that my family wouldn't be afraid to try.

    This, then, is what I was referring to when speaking of the "results". By this time I'm finding myself standing in the midst of all this, swinging my head back and forth, scratching my noggin, and wondering, "Good lord, Tom! Whot did yu git started here!" LOL!!!

    Tom

  • PSacramento
    PSacramento

    I have two girls, my eldest is 8.

    I would be very concerned if she was 15 and had some 20 year old interested in her.

    Less so if she was 20 and he was 25 of course.

    I also have two sisters, one older than me and the other younger and saw how they were at 15.

    That it worked out for you and her is great.

    I don't think I would allow it to happen for my daughters to be honest.

    I want them to experience life, to KNOW THEMSELVES and to find happiness in THEMSELVES first.

  • N.drew
    N.drew

    Fabulous!!

    Dear PS and meangirl, that is where FAITH apllies to those two young people. They trusted each other to marry and their faith worked a miracle. PS? We had another aurgument about disappointment, remember? They were not afraid of disappointmnt because of love and faith. Let it rule!

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