What Do You Say or Is It Better to Saying Nothing?

by Eiben Scrood 60 Replies latest jw friends

  • leavingwt

    I did a successful fade.

    Unless you want to be DF'd, you should attempt to have little or no contact with any JWs. When you do have contact, you should never, ever express anything negative about the WT Society.

  • sizemik

    I'm with leavingwt . . .

    His reply is just one long exhaustive ramble of confirmation bias. Ask yourself . . . is he explaining anything or simply justifying it? JW's are trying to confirm logical fallacies to themselves as much as you, when they drag out the "men are imperfect" angle. If it's true then God is just as likely to be using the Catholics as the JW's . . . 'cos they're just imperfect too.

    End it there . . . at least then the door stays ajar for sometime in the future when your friend comes to his senses (maybe).

    I have a friend . . . my best friend . . . who exited before I did. We even built a house together and he said nothing about JW's or the religion. About 18 months later . . . after I exited . . . I went to see him. He simply said "I was hoping it wouldn't take long" If he'd tried to argue doctrine with me . . . he possibly would have only entrenched me and damaged our friendship. Instead he was my first port of call. He's still the best friend I've ever had.

  • cedars

    I did a successful fade. I really doubt they would come after me at this point no matter what I said but I suppose it's possible.

    I have found that it is possible to have nominal friendships with active Watchtowerites. I work with two, one of whom is an elder, and they both still talk to me in a reasonably friendly way.

    Believe me Eiben, it will no longer be a successful fade if you become complacent and think you can say whatever you like to active witnesses. No matter what's happened before, they can and WILL still come after you if you ruffle too many feathers. Plus, it sounds like you would have something to lose if they did come after you, because your two colleagues would be in an awkward situation and may even feel that they can no longer talk to you, even on work-related matters.

    Give it some though. This thread hasn't been open long, but you have already received some great advice. I would just make your excuses and end the conversation. Believe me, I was in a similar situation not too long ago, and asked the exact same question you did. The advice I received was excellent - just walk away. You can only help them if they express a degree of doubt. Nothing he has said in your original post would lead me to believe that he has doubts. He has even gone to the extreme of defending the Society for the way he was treated in the past!

    Just walk away, hard though it may be.

  • Eiben Scrood
    Eiben Scrood

    Wow, punkofnice, did they really say this?:

    'mind cleansed' (WT 1st June '53 pg 350 para 24)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Do you have a more complete quote? That is egregious even by Watchtower standards.

    It really helps to hear so much good advice. It's giving me a lot to think about especially because it's coming from those who understand but who aren't emotionally tied to the "friendship".

    Thank you all.

  • J. Hofer
    J. Hofer

    it is better to say nothing. anything you'd say in response would help neither him nor you. remove him from your friendslist. he never contacted you anyway.

  • clarity

    Eiben, the responses from your Friends on here today, demonstrate the difference between "an infomercial" and sincerity. Between counting time and sharing precious moments.


    Personally, I'd rather have 1 wholehearted handshake than a dozen judgemental, halfhearted hello's!

    If he sincerely values your friendship, he will 'come to you'. Let him.


  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Excellent advice here, Eiben. For years I would have responded as your friend did though with more of a listening, sympathetic ear.

    Still in contact with JWs inside and outside the KH, I seem automatically to go into "spiritual-talk" mode, focusing on common experiences shared as JWs and unadulterated Scripture. I'm grateful that my wiring allows me to do so as my double-agent status would otherwise be compromised.

    I can be scalding when the occasion affords ...

    All the best,

    CoCo, Shaken Not Stirred

  • cedars

    You've probably already reached a decision by now, but I thought the following link might prove helpful:


    It is a thread I posted a month ago when I was having a very similar dilemma to the one you are now facing. Much of the advice I received is directly applicable to you, and I'm thankful for it, since it helped me to make the right decision.

  • punkofnice

    E Scrood -

    "Minds must be cleansed" (Watchtower, June 1, 1953, p. 350 par. 24). 24 In these closing days of wickedness Jehovah’s people must demonstrate holiness. They must not foul their minds with the filthy mental food on the propaganda tables of this old world, but must feed on the feast of fat things Jehovah provides. (Isa. 25:6; 28:8) Minds must be cleansed and made over, mental circuits formed by old-world thinking and acting faded out and new ones put in according to new-world specifications. By privately studying regularly, by attending all meetings regularly, and by engaging in all features of the preaching work regularly mental circuits are deepened and such good activities become habitual, not at all the struggle they are when the mental circuits are weak and faint because used only occasionally. For ourselves and for others, make them strong!—1 Tim. 4:16.
  • compound complex
    compound complex

    I like that, Punk: new-world specifications.

    Gee , I sure do miss that 50s-style of pounding-on-the-pulpit rhetoric ...

    CoCo Retro

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