Sleeping with the enemy

by Nickolas 86 Replies latest jw friends

  • trailerfitter

    Hi Nickolas,.. from what I understand from your writing you have a partner who is in the JWs but you are are an atheist?.

    I am in the same situation. My partner is being indoctrinated into the group very quickly. I have from not knowing anything about the group actually become to lath their policies and seen first hand how quickly their ideas have got into my wifes head.

    Honestly, when she has come to me and told me I must be saved because the end of the world is coming then I raised an eyebrow. This was within weeks of her first taking bible studies. We argued to the point of agreeing we should not bring any religious issues into the household . However their policies have altered our lives over the blood policies. I have now had to protect my young boy against n his mother. What other sort of organisation would do this to families. I find it very selfish to see JWs expecting a beligured health authority like we have spend much more on "alternative" ways of administering bloods .

    The WTBTS are responsible for giving false hope and false prophesy although some cannot see this and think only that it is the devil bearing false information about their history.

    One thing which is a major issue for me is being accused,... the none believer being influenced by Satan. It is an insult. Why would their literature give false information convince my wife that I am under Satans control whilst having an atheists view on the world.

    I discovered long ago that re- incarnation and the processes there of are sufficient for me to understand the workings of this world instead of believing in a creator who will eventually kill all the nasty folk in the world and just save those who are serving the WTBTS.

  • AGuest

    Greetings, dear Trailfitter... and peace to you! A suggestion, if I may? If your dear wife has not yet been baptized, consider showing her this very thread. If she has... well, all I can say is "good luck with that."

    Again, peace to you!

    A slave of Christ,


  • garyneal

    I've also read this thread with interest as a fellow UBM of a Jehovah's Witness.

  • Nickolas

    Yes, trailerfitter, I am atheist, but only a fairly recent arrival, so to speak. It took me a long time and a lot of research and thinking to get to where I am. As has been pointed out already, however, atheism will not be an effective position from which to turn your wife around. She is seeking answers and the Watchtower is providing them. She does not yet realise that the Watchtower will not allow her to ask her own questions or question the answers they provide her.

    If you can exert an influence on the matter, delay your wife's decision to get baptised. As you will discern from reading the comments in this thread, baptism is a game changer. Ask her for a time out so that you can collect your thoughts on the dynamic that is coming between you - and make no mistake, a wedge is being driven between you and the Watchtower is about to become the third party in your marriage and in your marriage bed. It has great potential to destroy your marriage. Get hold of and read Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron. It is a quick read and does an excellent job of demolishing the Watchtower's claim as God's Organisation. Go from there, and the best of luck.

  • TD

    It's pretty much a losing proposition. JW's make a point of telling a potential convert (i.e. A "study") early on that:

    1. This is the truth and Satan doesn't want you to hear it. This study is going to make him angry

    2. Therefore Satan is going to attack you almost immediately and he will do it through the people you love the most

    Meanwhile, the spouse recognizes what the JW's are about just a little bit too late. Anything that is said once those two ideas are planted, however gentle, kind and reasonable will be seen as confirmation of them.

  • Nickolas

    I'm afraid you are right, TD. I had forgotten that aspect of my own aborted indoctrination many years ago. That is exactly what was said to me and it is why my parents and family were completely unable to tell me anything I didn't want to hear. My wife was not studying at the time. Ah, sweet irony. At one point she commented that what I was telling her about sounded mystical. Then she's studying too, I drop out when the lights come on, she stays, now convinced that Satan has blinded me to the Truth and listening to me, as much as she loved me, was listening to someone other than the real me. We were both not in, then I'm in and she's out, then we're both in, then I'm out and she's in, and there it has stayed for 33 years. I think I perceive a small hairline crack or two, though, but it may require several months to exploit it effectively. Slow, slow.

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    trailerfitter...Welcome...this is the first post of yours I have seen.

    We argued to the point of agreeing we should not bring any religious issues into the household

    I believe this could be one of the biggest mistakes you will ever make where this religion is concerned. It is not something she is going to do outside the house and keep seperate from her day to day life. She is going to start living and breathing it. The only way to combat it, is to discuss what she is learning and keep communication lines open.

    It may not be what you want to talk about, but it is already there and you cannot pretend it isn't and make it go away.

    My partner didn't agree with what I was doing, but he listened (as much as he could) and he voiced concerns. NOT about the governing body as such, but about their teachings. He even did the daily study guide with me for a while. This is a great tool to use. Because you can literally see how they are indoctrinating your partner. And you can actively question and plant doubt whilst not opposing the entire concept. My partner loved to focus on the 144,000, how that works, and he loved to check the references to bible because it is surprising how many times they are completely out of context. Whilst not having an immediate effect on did sow the seed of doubt, which is all you can aim for.

    I loved that my partner was willing to do this with me, especially since I knew he didn't really agree. (Of course I held the hope that I would convert him to the JW way of thinking) but his love for me by doing this allowed me to be much more open to listening to him too. Nickolas has achieved so much in what could appear to be a hopeless situation. But where there is a will there is a way and I highly recommend taking a leaf out of his book.

    Aguest has so much valuable information as per her earlier post on here of scripture that can be used to nullify what they are teaching her.

    And by far the best tool is the search engine on this site. There is a wealth of information. From scriptural (which you will need to have conversations about this with your partner) to the many lies the watchtower has perpetuated throughout the years. These snippets of information can be slipped into conversations IF you are having those conversations in the first place.

    I am guessing that as a study your partner is searching for some 'TRUTH' in her life about God or existence, If it is about God, then helping her to see that a lot of what they teach is not scripual is one of the best things you can do. Bringing her attention to shunning behaviour and getting her to show you from her bible how SHE supports this practice. Then harping back to how JESUS actually dealt with people will plant more seeds.

    Like Nick said...helping to delay your wifes decision to get baptised is what you need to be aiming for at this stage.

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