Am I on thin ice with my friend?

by cedars 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • dm6

    some excellent advice from Leavingwt.

    i feel for you, i dont really know what to say. i would just play it cool for now, smooth things out and then figure out what it is that you want to do.

  • sinis

    Change halls, find one at least 30min to an hour away. Tell them you just moved into the area or your "new" job is that far out and you want to be able to make meetings. Go rent yourself a post office box, the one with PHYSICAL address such as 1234 anywhere street #200 so it looks like an apartment complex. Have your cards transferred, and show up about 5 or 6 times, intermitent, and then completely fade. No one will find out where you are at, and if your old elders come by ignore them and do not answer the phone. Tell your family nothing, and that everything is fine. The key is FADING... tell no one NOTHING...

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Get out and about and make yourself some new friends.

    Join some groups that do stuff you have never had the time for before.

  • ssn587

    do like i do when they ask, I am depressed and my priveate life and thoughts are no ones business but my own, that will always shut them up.

  • pbrow

    Bro, just gtfo! I understand the family angle, I have it too. My last two years that I was still technically in were miserrable. Having to give a second thought about the ramifications about a wordly girlfriend, if someone would see me enjoying a cigar or seeing my kids celebrate a birthday at a local restaraunt. Its all bs. The longer you play by "their" rules the longer this group continues to have a hold on you, the longer they have a hold on everyone. When I finally started putting up christmas decorations and just not giving a shit about "their" rules, I felt liberated. Like the previous poster said, no one is ready until they are ready. By being up front and honest, to this elder or anyone else, you will at least get your thoughts out to him and thats all you can hope for when getting out of a mind controlled group. We all need to stop playing by their rules!


  • OnTheWayOut

    I officially presented "doubts" to the body of elders to resign. I was pretty amazed that they kept a lid on that. But they weren't gunning for me.
    I didn't want to be a prisoner of having to live with "a secret" to my wife and mother. But I expected to lose my JW friends, and I did.

    You have to figure that most of the time, an elder is not your buddy or your confidential priest-type who views confession and discussion as extremely confidential. These guys are middle managers in a publishing company and have no real training besides reporting everything to WTS and doing whatever they say.

    Even if you can't be DF'ed for what you say (I couldn't), they tend to mark you.

    Better to tell family some version of the truth that they can handle and tell the elders nothing beyond "depression." Ain't that true anyway? What we know and what they do and tell us causes depression.

  • ABibleStudent

    leavingwt - I realize I sound like a broken record, but please read Steve Hassan's first book as soon as possible, if you haven't already done so. This will help you to understand what you're up against.

    Hi cedars, Ditto what leavingwt said. How good a friend is the elder? Did you do things or talk about shared interest that were not focused on the WTBTS? If you only had a shared interest in WTBTS matters, you can kiss your friendship good bye. Can you use excuses about being busy doing Bible research because of your MTS experience, or that you are going to school to qualify for a better job because of the change in WTBTS doctrine from "this generation that will not pass" to "overlapping generations". Since no one can say how imminent the Apocalypse is coming, you are busy trying to make sure that you will be able to financially survive to see it. Also, it won't hurt to ask your friend lots of questions to control your conversations with him to get him out of cult mode, so read Steve Hassan's books.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • cedars

    I should add that so far the tone of the email exchange has been conciliatory more than anything. I doubt that my emails will get "turned in" to any third party, because (apart from my stressing confidentiality at all times) my friend has said some things that could be quite incriminating towards him, one of which being that at times the society has been "running ahead" of Jehovah, which I've shown him that even the society refuse to accept.

    w09 2/15 p.27 par.12 They “Keep Following the Lamb” The faithful slave is also discreet in that it neither acts immodestly, running ahead of Jehovah , nor lags behind when God’s direction on a matter is clear.

    I appreciate what many of you are saying, that ultimately his loyalties are to the "parent company", but I also think there's something to be said for us having shared the same experience at MTS and looking out for eachother, and I think that's all he's trying to do. However well intentioned his motives may be now, I understand that there is only so far I can go with this and I've probably gone too far already. I understand that ultimately it only takes a phonecall between two branch offices and suddenly my circumstances would change dramatically, so it isn't worth the risk. Too much is at stake, which is a shame because I think I was getting somewhere with him.

    For those of you saying I should "up sticks" and leave, I should clarify that I am no longer in my native country (where I attended MTS and where my friend is) so all of this is taking place via email. I am in no immediate threat from my local elders. I did have some problems with them recently, but that was only because they jumped to the conclusion that my becoming inactive must be due to a fault on my part, connected with a past wrongdoing. They pulled my wife aside at the meeting without me being present and interrogated her about my conduct, one of them (who doesn't even know me) making some terrible assertions. I've been able to use this obvious gaff in protocol to say that I don't want to meet with them, because if they refuse to apologise for how they've gone about doing things, then how can they expect me to assume that anything they do from now on will be "encouraging"?! So far they're too proud to apologise, so I'm being left alone. We have a CO visit coming up which I'm a little nervous about, but I will be sticking to my guns.

    Also, many of you are mentioning depression. I think I will be playing that card, because in my case it IS partly true.

  • Piercingtheveil81

    Hey, cedars, I feel your situation. It brings back memories of when I disassociated myself. I was also an MS and pretty much on my way to being appointed as an elder when I realized the truth about the "The Truth".

    I never became inactive, however. I just would not comment at the meetings anymore, but continued to give talks until a week before my disassociation.

    How is wife with this situation? Mine still attends because of family but does not believe in it anymore.

    I wish there was an easy way out.

  • cedars

    My wife has been fantastic about everything. I can discuss everything with her freely and she agrees with many of my concerns. For the meantime she is happy to continue going to meetings, but sympathises with my stance. She also thinks I should tread carefully, as the last thing either of us want is for me to be disfellowshipped given our family connections.

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