by cedars 45 Replies latest jw experiences
HI Cedars,
you have a great ally in your wife. she sounds like a gem. i wish you the best with whatever path you take.
the advice here has been so very good. please take on board these suggestions.
also dont neglect yourself; you mentioned that depression is a concern for you. this is probably ( but not necessarily) related to your current situation
Good luck!
WildeLover
Cedars
Can you please share what exactly made you wake up?... did you wake up while you were in MTS or afterwards?... was it a particular doctrine that you discovered to be false or was it some shady activity you uncovered?
You'd be surprized how many people benefit from others' experiences... I certainly have....
It's great to have a wife who is a "gem" - however, it's just one measly letter short of having a 'germ'. Remember too, friends who are elders love you enough to lull you into opening up. Once you open up, while the germs will be every where, it's you the elders will disinfect double quick to your harm. Until you work out a longer term strategy, keep your words innocuous or your mouth zipped.
Alfred - Well for me there was a combination of factors keeping me in the organisation. I was baptised extremely young and always actively sought parental approval. When one of my parents died, these feelings intensified and the "truth" gained more leverage on me emotionally due to the resurrection hope. However, I had always harboured doubts about certain prophetic understandings. Among other things, it didn't make sense to me that vast sections of prophecy were said to have been fulfilled by the activities of a small group of men in the early 1900s. MTS did nothing to allay my doubts, but it did increase my love affair with the organisation as I could see that I could be of more use. The power, authority and influence all had an impact on me, especially after I was appointed an elder shortly after attending.
Then a complicated series of events, including wrongdoing on my part, led to me stepping down as an elder and moving to another country. The wrongdoing had come about, in part, because I wasn't taking "the truth" seriously enough, and suddenly living in another country with an imposing language barrier led to me becoming disconnected emotionally and mentally at meetings etc. What finally did it for me was the realisation that none of the scriptures so commonly proffered by the society to support their concept of "increasing light" actually describe that concept when read in context. Once this dawned on me, I finally felt I could disconnect from the organisation mentally and emotionally, and I felt even more justified in doing go after reading Crisis of Conscience.
One thing that sums up my "realisation", and the obviously flawed logic of "increasing light" is what I like to call the "makeweight scenario". I have recently started a separate thread on this subject on another part of the forum to see if anyone else finds it useful for friends/relatives etc. I would appreciate your input!
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/beliefs/215047/1/The-Makeweight-Scenario
steve2 - I appreciate your comments, but I take exception to you referring to my wife as a "germ", please take that back!
Its funny(not "haha" funny) how Ray Franz mentioned a similar statement in his CoC book. He said his prestige in the org really made people inquire as to why he left. But others who were in a similar situation, no one payed attention. Though they still suffered the same ramifications.
Your decision on what do to should be made on whatever you want out of it. Currently I'm living a lie because I can't bear to lose my family and everyone I know. But that may not be the case for you, especially given your MTS background. If you want to move on, youll have to let them go. If not, you can't say anything.
I am in no immediate threat from my local elders.
The very day that I revealed some doubts to my "best friend", he went to HIS elders, and they contacted MY elders.
They operate out of FEAR. He couldn't risk someone asking him if he knew about my doubts. He was obligated to report me, to clear HIMSELF. He wouldn't want to lose his family/friends/relationship with Jehovah, just to keep my friendship.
I know exactly how you feel. My heart goes out to you and your wife.
Please if you feel the need to talk to your freind be as vague as possible. If you reveal too much they will gun for you trust me. Its seems like when you reveal even a little they begin to ask you more about your feelings. I think its when they here something that they themselves feel that they freak out and get angry. Sugar coat your feelings, besides, the most important person knows how you really feel and, luckily, she is there by your side. You, my friend, have a keeper!
I'm treading quite carefully and with a degree of paranoia
It's not paranoia when they really are out to get ya!
DOC
steve2 - I appreciate your comments, but I take exception to you referring to my wife as a "germ", please take that back!
Gladly; your wife sounds wonderful. I meant my comment more as a principle(i.e., because someone close to us who is still 'in' the organization is supportive and understanding, "watch this space" so to speak when pressure could be put on them to make a stand either for or against you). I have seen even rock solid relationships falter and fail as a direct result of elders' heavy-handedness. I'd love so much to be proved wrong. Time will tell.
In the meantime, don't risk your relationship until together you and your wife have worked out a longer term plan. I love the notion of fading by moving to another country - but then I've been badly burnt so prefer more extreme solutions!
"...I probably shouldn't have meantioned UN-NGO and Malawi v. Mexico in my last email. Yikes!! Hope I make it out of this one. ..."
LeavingWT's advice was excellent. I would suggest this - and submit it for the other posters on this thread to peruse and critique:
If confronted or asked about this, tell him that a co-worker found out that you are a Jehovah's Witness, and HE asked you about those two issues [that nasty ol' worldly follower-of-Satan deceived person...]
If they know all of your co-workers, or you work with other Jehovah's Witnesses, then tell them it was someone you met (a) at the local coffee shop (b) at the bus stop (c) your mailman (d) your milkman (e) the saleslady at the grocery/shoe/hardware store...
Be sure you pick one that will be hard to pin down... If you live in a small town, then you may have to make up an out-of-town trip or person just passing through...
And as everyone else said, play the "DEPRESSION" card for all it's worth...
May you have success in your efforts...
Zid the She-Devil
