Every meeting must be an argument, every study must be an unplesant experience. She asks for permission to go in field service? Deny it. You are the "spiritual head" of the household in the JW parlance: assert it. Refuse to allow JW literature in your home, refuse to allow JWs to study. In short, be an ass. Message: JWs make for trouble in her home
NO NO NO. Please don't take this route. First--yes you are the head of the household, but NOT the spiritual head of house because you are still in "satan's grasp". A wife DOES NOT have to follow your lead if you try to impede her duty to her new god. If you do this, she will receive special attention from everyone in the congregation and encouragement from the elders and commendation for being so strong. She will tell about her persecution in the car groups and after meetings and they will all cluck around her. She will amp up her efforts to prove she is a good wife and she will pray even more intensively that you will convert. She will already be looking for opportunities to subtlely witness to you and opposing her will only make her try harder. She will listen to endless stories about spouses that opposed and were even abusive, but the believing mate clung to Jehovah--and guess what! The unbelieving spouse is now serving shoulder to shoulder! UGH it's disgusting.
She will hear these stories at assemblies and conventions and people will clap with tears in their eyes. Now let ME tell you a story.
I knew a woman whose husband did everything to keep her from meetings. He would fight with her. He'd hide her books. He'd block her car in the driveway. She would become determined and find ways around all the obstacles. Oh what an example of faith she was! Then one day he didn't object, and he gave her the keys to the car. Know what. She stayed home. No one understood. The sheep walked around puzzled. Without the fight her guard was down.
If you strongly oppose her she will see it as proof that satan is trying to pull her away from god. Witnesses do well under persecution. It validates them. They need resistance to work against. Pull on the rope and they pull back. Release it and they tumble over.
In the soviet union, witnesses were persecuted endlessly. They grew strong and gripped thier faith with white knuckles. Then the walls came down. The freedom they gained gave them so many more options. They started falling away! Yeah---freedom not oppression-- is what tripped them up.
If you want to keep her from meetings, try doing it innocently. Plan a trip or an outing. Invite friends or family for visits. Get excited about it, so that she'll feel guilty choosing meeting over you. She WILL choose meeting over you, but just act hurt and disappointed. Let her know it won't mean as much without her. When she does choose you over meeting, perhaps you could let her witness a bit. This will make you want to puke, but be nice. Then she will feel like she missed the meeting for a good cause! Don't challenge doctrine. Learn to ask critical questions and force her to answer it completely. If she goes off to research or to ask someone to help her answer, let us know. We can help you. We can predict what the answer will be and offer you counter questions. Keep her questioning through you.
When meeting nights come be especially loving. Perhaps pop in a movie and snuggle up with her. Make her extremely comfortable on meeting nights so it's hard to leave. Be waiting for her so she feels like she missed a really nice night. One of the hardest things for me was when my husband would settle in for a relaxing evening and I'd have to get up and leave without him. Sometimes it all looked so nice I would just stay home.
I'm sorry you are in this situation. She will start to experience new anxieties. When this happens you could wonder why. Don't say "before you were a witness, you never worried about such things". Instead you could say, "You never used to worry about these things. What changed?"
Keep posting. Lot's of information here.
NC
