Wife is on that yellow brick road to the WT.

by trailerfitter 47 Replies latest jw experiences

  • trailerfitter

    Hi, this is my first post on this forum although I have been reading many posts on here. I feel safe enough to ask your advice and become involved now......From what I have learned about this forum it is occupied by sensible people who have left the Watchtower influences for one reason or another.

    I am, for want of a better word, a none believer. I did have some sort of obscure spiritual notion which was more Eastern in origin that anything else. I do tollerate all others but after delving into the dark world of reigious beliefs briefly especially after my wife started bible study with the JWs ( you guys call them the Borg right?) I have decided to walk right away from it all. If christians will argues then so be it but it is in total confusion..

    If there is arguement and division in humanity this surely is a bad think and I do not see that promoting segragation is right which is what the impression I get from the Watchtower. Forgive me, I have perhaps watched too many you tube videos??

    Okay heres the crunch,

    ...my wife has been influenced to the extent that she will soon be baptised. I do not agree with this. It is so odd that I told her that I do not agree with this however before she goes out she'll ask my permission for her to do her duties with the JWs... I find this very odd indeed.

    We have argued about the WT organisation who have a poor track record. I pointed out the 1975 prediction which was shrugged off from visitors from her congregation who denied it to me, never heard about it, but admitted to her later that they never believed Armaggeddon was going to happen on that fateful October.

    Her friend she met last year,..the recruiter comes around every Wednesday. She whields more influence over my wifes thinking than I do and I have been married to my beloved for 9 years now., We sometimes discuss religious issues to their annoyance, they cannot provide answers without becoming defensive or backing down to return the answer the next week the also can get a little excited at times to become angry. The accuse me of disruping their bible studies. No, not from my point of view. My wife now goes out on ministry often, the telephone is always ringing, she goes to the Kingdom Hall regularly perhaps 3 times a week and we are seeing less and less of her. It doesn't help that her sister is a JW too.

    I am interested in worldy affairs, I am middle aged so can recall the news from 20 years ago, the Ethiopian problem does not go away , however my wife has the latest copy of awake to get her opinions from. It is the sign of the end of things....she believes nothing else. I guess you guys know this already. I do research on the internet, it is not valid since apparently "satan" writes all the articles on there according to her. The bible is the only truth.....Is it? I think not however it is for her along with the WT publications.

    Your advice?

    Anyway I perhaps took the wrong approach trying to make her see the WT is filling her with more spoilt fruit that "spiritual food" however I am tired and very frustrated with her new found thinking. What can I do to change this situation? She was a good woman before the JWs got their hands on her. Why they want to make her a better wife is beyond me. I was happy with her beofre all this . now I am loosing the essential love. It's a horrible situation. I'd like her back but is this possible or am I looking at a long wait before she comes to her senses? Perhaps now she is damaged beyond repair?

    How did you guys and girls come to finally "see the light" / realise the truth as it were?

  • the-illuminator81

    Hi mr TF and welcome to the forum.

    Unfortunately for you, you are in big trouble. Trying to wean your wife from the organization will be a long, tiring process and there is no magic argument you can throw at her to make her wake up.

    When I was still in, there was nothing anybody could say to make me leave. I only woke up after intensely studying the bible by myself and thinking about the horrifying injustice dealt by God and thinking "Hmm.. couldn't he have decided to do it some other, less violent way?" After that I was ready to confront the doubts that had been lingering in my mind for years.

    I would recommend reading "Releasing the Bonds" by Steve Hassan, a cult specialist. He has many years of experience freeing people out of cults, including JWs. One time, he hired a JW translator for a seminar in Germany. After the seminar, the JW translator realized he was a member of a dangerous mind-control cult and left. The book was written for people like you.

    Also, you can learn more about your wife's religion at jwfacts.com, an excellent site.

    Another piece of advice, dicussing doctrine almost never works and will only push your wife further into defending the organization.

  • trailerfitter

    Hi thanks,... Steve Hassan I have heard of. I saw his opinions on a "Russian Today" news piece when they indeed were banning the JWs in Russia. Thanks for your kind advice and links. I have met a few JWs now and for all intents they are nice people until their beliefs are touched on. My wife is actually Ukrainian. We have a large population of Russian speaking people from the Baltic states working and settling in this area. I feel though her biblical education is being accelerated because she is "useful" in recruiting in this area of the UK.

    She told me yesterday that she is now "qualified" to teach. I was stunned. In one year is this possible? I asked her if she knew what Gnostic meant, or what a Theist is. She couldn't answer using her lack of english as defense, however she and her sister were able to check out the KJV bible for weaknesses...... astounding!

    I do not want to instigate any which-hunts but now am feelng I should become pro active against their door to door activities in our area perhaps the Kingdom Hall will disown her if they think her husband is working for Satan ??? Silly idea huh? .

  • FreeAtLast1914

    I feel for you, Trailerfitter. But theIlluminator is right; you're in for a world of hurt. As someone who was born into that controlled WT world, I can tell you that once the brainwashing is complete new recruits like your wife will view you as an agent of the Devil rather than who you really are.

    The only advice I have is to be happy and positive and upbeat around her. Over time that may erode her idea that the "world" is a depressed mess lacking true joy. Show her how happy you are about life. When she tries to get you to go to the meetings, begin asking questions about the Bible or her new beliefs in general. JWs can't handle questions. They will try to change the subject when called on their BS. Don't let her off the hook. Hold her feet to the fire. And the questions don't have to be tough ones, either. Ask simple, pointed questions and you will see the fear (or in some cases disgust) in their eyes.

    You will be marked for this, of course, as a dangerous wild man who is controlled by Satan and his minions. Don't let this dissuade you. One of the things you will want to do is to encourage her NOT to go to the meetings. DO NOT DO THIS. It will only confirm in her mind what she is being told, that the Devil is attacking her. It will only shove her deeper inside.

    I hate what you're going through, but if you play your cards right the chances of her seeing what she'd involved in, a high-controlled cult, should improve.

  • DesirousOfChange

    At this point they are only letting her see the good side of it all. I truly believe there is a good side. It offers hope and direction to people who are lacking such in their lives. It provides a "good cause" to rally around allowing someone to feel good about themself. It provides a group of (mostly) good, sincere people who provide (mostly) wholesome association and especially so for people who are introverted or that generally have difficulty fitting in.

    Presently, some of their long-held doctrines have been stretched so thin that people are beginning to see through them.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Welcome to the forum.

    Sorry I don't have any instant solution to you problem, buddy.

    I'll have another look at your thread tomorrow. From where I sit right now, your chances of having a long happy marriage look pretty grim, but miracles do happen. I am an athiest with a JW wife. It works ....sort of......

  • Sulla

    I'd suggest you consider, what's the term?, going ape shit. Obviously, I don't mean real violence of any sort, but I think that this is not the sort of thing you can "manage." Every meeting must be an argument, every study must be an unplesant experience. She asks for permission to go in field service? Deny it. You are the "spiritual head" of the household in the JW parlance: assert it. Refuse to allow JW literature in your home, refuse to allow JWs to study. In short, be an ass. Message: JWs make for trouble in her home.

    Couple this with rewards for skipping meetings or studies. You know what she likes, give thos things to her when she avoids JW activities. Message: avoiding JWs brings happiness.

    Find some other outlet for her spiritual inclination. Surely, there is some nice bible church somewhere or some kindly Unitarians she can hang out with? Whatever, find something. This ain't a game, and you will need to do things outside of your comfort zone if you care to prevent this nasty little cult from reducing the happiness level in your life.

    That's just me talkin'.

  • carla

    Hello, welcome to the forum.

    I'm sorry for your situation, I too am a ubm (unbelieving mate). The first few years when they join the cult can be quite hellish to be honest. It can get better but it will not ever be the same. Changes within their personality are confusing and at times downright scary. Things can reach an even keel at some point.

    We all wish we had the magic bullet to get our loved ones out of the grips of the wt. Get the books suggested, research and research some more. I can't tell you what to do but I sure can tell you some of the mistakes I have made-

    do not call it a cult to their face

    do not try to throw all the hypocrisies, false teachings, scandals, etc.. at them at one time

    I had a whole list of things not to do but I think you already have been down that road and it is too early for my brain to get in jw gear.

    One thing I disagree with Steve Hassan is that I believe he says to go to one of the cult members meetings, I do not think that is a good idea, for one it could suck the person into the org/cult and with jw's it just gives them hope that maybe you really do believe but just don't want to make the plunge because you want to keep living your 'worldly' life, blah, blah, blah.....

    You being a man have the opportunity to use your 'head of the house' routine on her a bit. Careful! too much and you will be considered a 'spiritual endangerment'. However, you could plan some weekend things that take you/her away from the kh for the weekend and possibly dinner on a meeting night? Make plans!

    You did not say if you have kids. Protect them if you have them! Protect their minds, bodies and spiritual. Protect yourself as well, you need to get your medical power of attorney in order in case you need a blood transfusion. Will she allow you to die rather than approve a blood transfusion for you? I made a document and had it notarized by an attorney on who will make these decisions for me should I not be able to answer for myself. Sorry to add to your stress at the moment thinking about such a thing but there it is, life with a jw.

    One thing that happens in our house now is that my jw cannot keep any jw literature out and I do not keep any so called apostate literature out. Well, he could but then I would find the most horrendous jw stories, murders, rapes, pedophilia, false teachings, etc... out. Keeps the house a more neutral zone if you will. It allows the couple to be a couple rather than having jw crap staring you in the face at every turn in your own house. Some here may disagree with that but it works in our house. Can't say we ever had much of a conversation about this but it has kind of become an unspoken rule of sorts.

    My sympathies, I know what you are going through. Post often it helps! the people are kind enough to keep answering our questions even though they have been asked a hundred times and often we have to ask again and again because we cannot wrap our heads around the crazy life of jw-ism.

  • trailerfitter

    Wow some really good answers in such a short time. Thanks! I guess I have some options and they are varied. Sulla,...I did start of the road to making everyhing as uncomfortable as possible while the BS and her firends were trying to influence her. Whispering is rude and it happens when I am close. Thngs generally just made her study harder, argue even more fiecely so this did not work. Becuase I haven't read the bible from cover to cover under guidance that make me unworth to dedate with apparently. ( even if I did have an English education including biblical studies). Unfortunately for her BS tutor I can undersand Russian perfectly as this is what they speak in. They cannot hide anything.

    I will be the nice guy.

    I think most people are fairly decent just simply mislead. Neither do I have the answers nor to I claim to.

    We had a very bad experience with our neighbours who were drugs dealers. They eventually left for another housing region but this left a very bitter taste in my wifes mouth. She thought England was such a wonderful country until this happened and it shattered her illusions and brought her to the same reality which she was running away from in her own country. I feel she is running away again and I really do not want her to get hurt by a group who only insulate her from reality rather than dealing with the harsh truths. Most people are very decent if no predjuces are held against them and I think the JWs are going to instill even more fear, and predjudices.

    She does not trust me which is why I feel betrayed.

  • carla

    I think the JWs are going to instill even more fear, and predjudices.-- so true! They thrive on fear, prejudice and guilt. My jw would watch news 24/7 if he could, I try to limit it and find something we both can watch. jw's like to watch news because news just enforces their view that everything is bad and all people are bad too! Now, trying to find something you both can watch is often a challenge in itself! what does a jw approve of watching? that would have to be another thread!

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