Wife is on that yellow brick road to the WT.

by trailerfitter 47 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jamiebowers

    I've read this whole thread and am glad to see that a few have addressed what a problem the Watchtower poses for children. Please, for the love of all that is holy, exert your headship rights and forbid your child to attend the meetings or go out on field service! This cult and its literature will fill his head with frightening images of Armageddon, pound it into his head that higher education is on par with drugs and alcohol, threaten him that God disapproves of masturbation, threaten that he, his "worldy" friends, father, and relatives will be killed, and make his life at school a living hell by forbidding the flag salute, singing of the national anthem, celebrating all holidays, and participating in clubs and sports. Also let's not forget the Watchtower's MASSIVE problem with child molesters. I'm not saying that most jws are child molesters, but the few who are child molesters aren't made known to the congregation. Watchtower doctrine requires two witnesses to sin, even in the case of child molestation. Even if the molester confesses, his or her presence in the congregation is not announced if the elders judge them to be repentant. There are many news accounts where elders have threateningly encouraged parents of raped children against going to the police. Read the following links for more information:



    There are also several newspaper and news broadcasts discussing this problem. Google it or check on Youtube. Look, the mindset of these people is truly dangerous to any vulnerable person such as a child. As a victim of both child molestation and domestic violence while under Watchtower control, I can honestly tell you that there is some mighty twisted thinking going on in this organization. Keep your kid out of it at all costs. If the Watchtower destroys your marriage as it has many others, pursue your child's protection from this vile corporation to the fullest extent of the law.

    I'm sorry to sound so melodramatic, but I've lived the nightmare, my friend. I'm coming up on 24 years of being out of the organization, yet I'm still conversing with exiting and ex-jws everyday. Why? Because the only thing in my life that keeps me up at night is KNOWING WITHOUT A DOUBT that molestation of children and violence against women is being covered up by this destestable, filthy cult.

    It's good your wife doesn't want your son at the meetings. Keep it that way! And as head of the household, do not allow her to make any decisions about your son's education or medical care. And never allow a jw unfettered access to your child...period.

    Edited to add: If your child attends meetings and field service with his mother, he will be encouraged to teach and pursue baptism just as is being done to her. The difference is that she's an adult. But young children are highly encouraged to get baptized as well. Then if they do something against the Watchtower doctrine, expess disbelief of Watchtower doctrine, or simply stop being a jw, he will be shunned by most if not all of his jw associates, including his mother, whether or not he is disfellowshipped.

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Welcome aboard!!!

    I was at the point that I was nearing baptism...my partner believes in God but NOT in the WTS.

    The only advise that I can give you is what my partner did that worked to stop me getting baptised...(this I realised in hindsight).

    !. Appear to go along with it.

    2. Be open to discussing the bible...BUT....question EVERYTHING...make HER research. (not just JW material). Don't give her answers. She will want to convert you to her understanding...so let her find the info herself. Has a much greater impact. Act dumb...say things like...thats interesting but thats only what they say...try to encourage her to look for proof elsewhere...she will be keen to find it for you.

    3. Go over study material with her (occasionally)....check EVERY cross reference...make sure it is in context...(many are not) this chips away constantly causing doubt.

    4. Go to the occasional meeting...my partner came to some...but more often than not had a reasonable excuse for not going.

    5. Don't become the enemy...show your support and love...Just not agreement.

    6. Pick a bugbear...and don't drop it. My partners favourite was...The governing body and the 144,000 and any refernce to them in literature and especially checking ANY cross references to them in any literature...It doesn't stand up if you check it in the bible. (this used to irritate the crap out of me)

    7. Chip away at everything you find out on JWN...ie...get her to show you from the bible where it says we will live in "Paradise earth"...examples of this will start to show her more and more that these ideas arent bible based.

    8. NEVER TELL....JUST QUESTION...like you are interested in her answers

    9. Don't be anti everything witness....not everything is bad...find some things that you can agree on...this will help her not to feel threatened by you hating it.

    I hate to say it, but this is not a fast process...but if you keep trying she may start to see some real light at some point.

    Best of luck

  • wannabefree

    I have nothing to add except, welcome, I feel for you, best wishes, I hope it all works out.

  • garyneal

    I must admit, this is a really great thread. A lot of good advice that even I can use and I have been in this situation for almost two years now. I am a believer in God but not a believer in one true religion, particularly one true church. They nearly got me two years ago until I started doing some research.

    I'm sorry you are going through this, it appears that your wife is more zealous than mine. However, mine appears to be getting that way so I need to follow this advice. I admit to being lazy when it comes to planning things for my kids and my family so I need help. I'm sending you a PM as one unbelieving spouse to another. Maybe we can keep in touch and be of support.

    God Speed.

  • rabidewok

    i really feel for you... there is almost nothing thats going to stop her at this point...you have recieved alot of great advice from others already. i would have to agree with those that say to stay positive and non confrontational. You need to become a master of the harder things that the society skips over initially,1914 etc...

  • ABibleStudent

    trailerfitter - We had plans. Now they have changed. I am attending college to change my career path. While I have financial support from her I get no moral support or interest from her. It is difficult. She will listen to her JW friends but not spend the time with her husband talkiing about our future.....Since the JW end of the system of things was burned into her mind all has changed.

    Welcome trailerfitter and I am sorry about your situation with you wife. I agree with previous posters that have said not to argue with your wife and JWs about WTBTS doctrine or prevent your wife from going to meetings. I can add a couple of things that other posters have not mentioned. Help your wife to meet more "Worldly", Russian-speaking adults, who your wife has common interests, to help counter-act the influences of her JW friends and her bad experience with your former drug-using neighbors. If your children go to public schools, encourage them to meet "Worldly" children and make play dates with children/families that you feel will be good influences to your children and your wife. Make friends with married couples from college and invite them over for college-study sessions, dinners, and fun outings.

    Also, your wife is being loved-bombed because she is a bible study and speaks Russian. Once your wife becomes baptized the love bombing will stop for two reasons. One, she will be expected to devote more time workng for the WTBTS, and two, you and your children are "Worldly". JWs believe in conditional love and not unconditional love. You need to show your wife unconditional love, because after your wife is baptized she will be shown conditional love by JWs. Depending on the personalities in her KH, JWs practise a caste-like system where CO's, elders, and MS are looked up to and wives of "Worldly" spouses are only more important than divorced women. Her JW friends should rapidly disappear after she is baptised.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • trailerfitter

    Thanks again all....... I just wrote a long reply and this damned computer lost it. Anyway we are going away on holiday ...any PMs I will answer when I can work out how the controls work....

  • Quandry

    Hi again trailerfitter.

    Hope you had a good holiday.

    This gave me an idea. During meeting times, why not take your children out for some fun. Let your wife know ahead of time where you'll be going. Afterward, all will have great times to share with her. As a mother, I can tell you I'd start to get upset that all the fun was had without me. Pretty soon, she'll start wondering what is going on while she's sitting at the Kingdom Hall. She'll start to feel left out, and perhaps want to join her family.

    Perhaps just ask if she can get out a bit early and join you....this will make her start thinking of something else during the meetings.

    Even if it doesn't work at first, it will help you to keep the children close to you.

    Do not let them take your family. Anger will not help the situation. Patience is called for.....at first, when people are studying, all the information is new and exciting. After awhile, the excitement level goes down, and the information begins to cycle...they've heard it before. It looses the newness factor.

    Hang in there.

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