Hi, I'm scared to death writing this that I will be discovered and have major problems. I had a good life being raised as a JW child. Many good memories of people, places and times. Yet, I have doubts that go coursing through me like fire. My dearest Mom on hearing some of my concerns, told me "you think too much". My lovely husband is bewildered with me, and cries at the thought of my not living forever in paradise with him as we are a happily married couple. I never could see myself there (nor in heaven-nor wanted to be in heaven, thank you very much). I never felt I could live up to all that was expected as a JW; coupled with my doubts, this is a lethal sin. Oh well. I am still attending meetings with my family, as I'm happy that being raised as a JW, I never felt free to blow my mind with drugs, blacken my lungs with smoking, or become a spermbag with some incurable veneral disease. I want my kids to have these restrains too. Nothing wrong with not subsidizing the murdering drug cartels in Mexico, Big Tobacco in the US, nor subsidizing assorted men with my vagina. We love to travel and certainly wouldn't be able to if we indulged in the first two vices. My kids love to see historical sites, Nat'l Parks and eat different foods. I have trouble doing JW things with them, like the ministry, family worship and so on, as I feel like a hypocrite. It saddens me that so many people on this site have vitriol in their veins, some had to have had good experiences as children, as I did. Yet, I gravitate here to post what is on my troubled mind. Odd that.
Never, ever posted to a site before-Scarec silly
by PaintedToeNail 61 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
NewChapter
Welcome Painted. The first post is scary for all of us. Keep posting so we can get to know you. Keep identifying information out of your posts, and that will reduce the possiblity of being discovered.
What kind of doubts are you having? Is it doctrinal--social? What exactly is troubling your mind? Also may I point out an area where you may still be misled? You said the following:
Oh well. I am still attending meetings with my family, as I'm happy that being raised as a JW, I never felt free to blow my mind with drugs, blacken my lungs with smoking, or become a spermbag with some incurable veneral disease
You do understand that many achieve this without being attached to a KH? We heard for sooo many years that the world was evil, and everyone lived like your above post. It simply is not true. We don't all do drugs, we don't all smoke, we don't all have incurable std's. We actually try to avoid that. It will be healthy for you to push past this assumption. It will help you learn to trust people outside the KH. It is a big world with infinitly more choices, and some people make wise choices. It's scary constructing your moral code based on these choices. Yet it is incredibly freeing too.
I wish you well and hope you share some of your concerns with us.
NC
-
-
PaintedToeNail
Hi New Chapter, thanks for you response and concern. I have an addictive type personality-so any thought of being free to choose to smoke for example, would have yielded someone who was a three pack a day user. I would love to gamble, but know that I never would be able to walk away ahead of the game. I should mention that as a tiny child I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor-my first memory-actually, NOT by a JW. This experience has left me with a whole litany of problems I've been really plagued with for many, many years. I hated the way sexual assaults were handled by the Org., and remember telling a sister, newly arrived from Bethel, that one day this would come back to haunt us. I remember 1975 as a child, scared to death I was going to be dead forever. I still cringe at being out in service in Minnesota on X-mas day, freezing to half-to-death, while poor worldly kids played with their new toys, watched TV and had hot chocolate (jealousy rears it's ugly head-I coveted those Barbie Townhouses and Legos). For years I refused to go out in service on holidays because of this. My doubts are many and varied. Yet, I ask, what else is there to believe in? Can complex life forms evolve from non-life, on a planet so priviledgedly placed-I am invoking the "Priviledged Planet" moniker here. I've told my husband that I have some relief not dreading Jehovah anymore, I accept that I am going to die and I feel relief. I feel relief that my oldest child has been accepted at a local college and has decided upon a very marketable career. I've never liked the clean toilets career thing and keep your eye simple without-health-insurance and maybe we can buy new shoes thing.
-
Black Sheep
Welcome to the forum PTN.
Just be careful that you don't give away info that will ID you.
I was never going to make it to Paradise either, so I have some idea of where you were at.
No, I'm not at all grateful that I was brought up by Dubs. Most of my schoolmates grew up with high standards without WT influence and they are better educated. LOL, it was probably me that would have been considered the bad boy by many of them.
Cheers
Chris
-
palmtree67
Yet, I ask, what else is there to believe in? Can complex life forms evolve from non-life, on a planet so priviledgedly placed-I am invoking the "Priviledged Planet" moniker here. I've told my husband that I have some relief not dreading Jehovah anymore, I accept that I am going to die and I feel relief.
**smiles**
-
godrulz
Resident evangelical Christian if you have any doctrinal, gospel, Bible questions, etc. I believe God is leading you out of WT cult towards the risen Christ, YHWH in the flesh.
-
Black Sheep
Can complex life forms evolve from non-life....
It is relevent?
If there is a creator, what makes you think it is described accurately by ancient goat herders from the Middle East except that it was the chosen deity of your parents?
If you had been born to an Inuit, or an Australian Aborigine, would you have a different view of creation/god/s?
-
Black Sheep
Godrulz also thinks you'll turn forever on God's BBQ if you don't believe his non-negotiable doctrines.
-
talesin
I am still attending meetings with my family, as I'm happy that being raised as a JW, I never felt free to blow my mind with drugs, blacken my lungs with smoking, or become a spermbag with some incurable veneral disease.
This is part of their lies and brainwashing techniques used to keep you at the KH. I have been out of the JWs since I was 18, for decades. I've known many, many 'worldly' folks who 1) don't smoke, and never have; 2) don't do drugs and 3) never slept around.
It's one of their BIG lies --- many of the JW kids I grew up with were leading double lives,,, no, MOST of the JW kids I grew up with were leading double lives --- smoking, doing drugs and sleeping around,,, oh and let's not forget what MANY of the elders do ---- drink themselves into oblivion every chance they get.
So, don't let them confuse you with their half-truths about 'worldly people'. They are the same as those in the KH,,, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly,,, yup, we have them all,, we just don't try to pretend we all are perfect.
and hey,,,,,
WELCOME!!!! Kick your shoes off, grab a cup of tea, and set a spell.
talesin
