JW nephew graduation party cancelled... your insight is requested

by Alfred 64 Replies latest jw friends

  • Pistoff
    Pistoff

    The fact remains: if you reach for the position of elder, you are reaching for an office whose authority is described as coming from God. Does every man who reaches out think consciously that he is on a plane with God? Probably not.

    But think of the tones people use when they are couseling about how we talk about elders: 'talking down about the elders, criticizing the elders, pointing out their faults, challenging Jehovah's arrangement'. Those who reach for the position are reaching for a position that is above open criticism, this from a religious culture that riducules other religions as a matter of course, calling out priests, pastors and rabbis.

    They set themselves above criticism. We speak in hushed tones, and refrain from criticizing, those we fear or worship or both.

    So it is easy to see why the elder would be so hasty to drop the hammer on his son in this way. Despicable, but given his job description as elder, understandable.

    I don't at all agree that he is being a good parent by doing this; a son makes a mistake, and you publicly humiliate him further by canceling his graduation party? Would he have had the party if it had not become public knowledge? There seems like a lot of worry about what others think.

    Instead, how about raising your head, standing up for him (after having a talk with him about being deceitful) and letting him and the congregation know that it is human to make mistakes, and that your family stands by you?

    I do not respect this father's decision in any way.

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    The fact remains: if you reach for the position of elder, you are reaching for an office whose authority is described as coming from God. Does every man who reaches out think consciously that he is on a plane with God? Probably not.

    I'd say most if not all, don't think they're on a plane with God LOL, however some are arrogant enough where it makes you wonder. Funny how some of them change within a matter of weeks after getting appointed, its like you never knew them.

    But think of the tones people use when they are couseling about how we talk about elders: 'talking down about the elders, criticizing the elders, pointing out their faults, challenging Jehovah's arrangement'. Those who reach for the position are reaching for a position that is above open criticism, this from a religious culture that riducules other religions as a matter of course, calling out priests, pastors and rabbis.

    I agree with that 100%.

    They set themselves above criticism. We speak in hushed tones, and refrain from criticizing, those we fear or worship or both.

    Again though, that's not necessarily the fault of individual elders, or even remotely the motive of those that serve as elders, as its the culture found within any religion. Which goes back to your point that I agree with 100%, however, you'll find this in ANY religion, not just JWs, and it doesn't necessarily have to be enforced from the top down. Sometimes the bottom up can exert just as much pressure to fear, worship, or both. I just got done going over the Congregation Bible Study lesson for Thursday, and there's a point in there about Stephen who was condemned to death for a few reasons, one of which was blasphemy against Moses which to the Saducees was an offense worthy of death. That same stuff goes on today, heck even to the point of drawing a picture of Muhammad which can get you in hot water, ask Denmark.

    So it is easy to see why the elder would be so hasty to drop the hammer on his son in this way. Despicable, but given his job description as elder, understandable.

    In some cases, heck if not many cases, however to be fair, we're hearing one side of this story, and also we have to consider that this was a situation that went public and put a spotlight on a family that didn't want to be in this situation. The father being an elder may have played a role into his decision as he may have been overly concerned about how he and his family would look to other JWs. However at the same time, who's to say that this father isn't pious enough to the point that his son's dishonest activity warrented in his father's eyes punishment to the point of cancelling this party? Be honest, his son's dishonest activity ultimately set in motion events that brought shame and embarrasment upon his family, and there has to be repurcussions for his actions regardless of the JW angle. A parent has to do what a responsible parent has to do.

    I don't at all agree that he is being a good parent by doing this; a son makes a mistake, and you publicly humiliate him further by canceling his graduation party? Would he have had the party if it had not become public knowledge? There seems like a lot of worry about what others think.

    Again, his son humiliated himself by being decietful to his family, and he got got caught. I hate the circumstances as much as any of you do, but there are repurcussions for our actions regardless if we chalk it up to youthful indiscretions or adult hard-headedness.

    I will agree with you that there is too much worry about what others think in this religion. It's ridiculous, you can't even fart without worrying about offending someone else's conscience, or some jackass in Walkhill stretching some obscure scripture to fit the needs of those who need to be judgemental and easily offended.

    Instead, how about raising your head, standing up for him (after having a talk with him about being deceitful) and letting him and the congregation know that it is human to make mistakes, and that your family stands by you?

    What you said right here I never would have ever considered that as a possibility, and that probably says a whole lot about JW culture and even how much its influenced me!!! I'd support that, I'd ride with that to the fullest. Sadly, it would never happen.

    I do not respect this father's decision in any way.

    I can respect that, I just don't want to say that the father came to his decision soley based upon WT reasoning. Other angles need to be explored before we entirely badmouth this father, and I emphasize again, this father. The elder aspect of it should certainly be mentioned, but secondarily, and not all elders should be badmouthed based off the actions and attitudes of some elders.

  • Pistoff
    Pistoff

    You want to think and speak well of the majority of elders, that is certainly your choice.

    But INDIVIDUAL men hear the job description, have heard for years that if you resist the elders you are resisting Jehovah and his arrangement, you are grieving the spirit. I cannot accept that on some level men who reach out don't make the connection between the job and the status and power.

    My experience with every elder I have ever had dealings with, since 1971, is that they to a man think too much of either themselves, their position/responsibility or both.

    Elders feel the need to control the flock, to monitor, to police. Lip service is given to leading, but they are not leaders. They are the church equivalent of power hungry hall monitors.

    Stick around, or search what elders have asked people in judicial committees, and then let's talk about elders again.

  • Pistoff
    Pistoff
    Again, his son humiliated himself by being decietful to his family, and he got got caught. I hate the circumstances as much as any of you do, but there are repurcussions for our actions regardless if we chalk it up to youthful indiscretions or adult hard-headedness

    So how did this teenager humiliate his family? Did he bugger the mayor's daughter on the lawn of the school?

    Oh, he took Dad's car to see a girl.

    Hmm. Doesn't seem like a humiliation to me.

    But Dad overreacting, I vote that for a black eye on family values.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Pistoff, not sure if you're aware, but No Room For George IS an elder. It puts a certain perspective on his words, doesn't it?

  • Pistoff
    Pistoff

    If NRFG is an elder, he is definitely outside the norm just by being here.

  • Momma-Tossed-Me
    Momma-Tossed-Me

    Although I greatly disapprove of such actions on the part of parents, I think this should happen more to witness kids so they can see the light as it were.

    I hope the WTBTS tightens its grip on the rank and file as well as parents on JW kids. It is a necessary evil in the grand scheme of reducing this publishing company to a publishing convenience store.

    mtm

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Pistoff, not sure if you're aware, but No Room For George IS an elder. It puts a certain perspective on his words, doesn't it?

    No offense intended because I like the guy on a personal level but I think it is pretty obvious that NRFG/Miz "doth protest too much" because he's an elder and the criticisms leveled by Pistoff are causing cognitive dissonance. Pistoff's point isn't that elders have something wrong with them, the problem is with the position itself and how it is portrayed by the Borg. The quote: "Again though, that's not necessarily the fault of individual elders, or even remotely the motive of those that serve as elders," makes it a personal thing when it is actually a CULT MIND CONTROL thing. There really is no denying the position the elders are in, OR the fact that they KNOW the position they are in. Motives aren't really the issue because the rank and file can usually see when a big-headed ass is throwing his weight around. It is when the motive IS pure and the elder humbly accepts his assignment and all that that entails and implies (that Pistoff talked about) that the rank and file JWs are being done a disservice, because the rank and file BELIEVE and the elder does nothing to dispel that belief.

  • Pistoff
    Pistoff

    Thanks, Mad, that is what I was trying to get across but not making clear.

    Some of the elders I know I like a lot on a personal level, but would never tell them a thing or give them any opening.

    I still think what I think about them when it comes to their positions.

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    No offense taken Mad, I genuinely like you too bruh. Same to you Pistoff. I'll think more about this later, because hey, maybe you're right Mad, maybe it is cognitive dissonance although I'd like to think I'm beyond that by now, but maybe not. I'll think about this issue some more later for self reflection purposes.

    The main thing to me is simply the kid lied, and got caught, and there's repurcussions to lying. To me its as simple as that, regardless of the dad being an elder. The kid who is under his folks' roof with all that details, lied and covered over his tracks. His parents reacted like parents regardless of one of them being an elder. Not all parents are like this, but there's plenty who are regardless of being a JW.

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