Need Opinions -- Engaged to a JW!!

by junebug_11 100 Replies latest social relationships

  • junebug_11

    Ok, quick run down of my situation.

    1. I am not religious. My now-fiance was raised JW but left the religion about 10 years ago.

    2. We started dating last March, I got pregnant within two weeks. He told me that he would only go back to the religion if "something really big happened" (which I read as "never").

    3. Our baby was born this past December, he had severe birth issues, almost died, etc. He decided that he was going to go back to the religion.

    4. That is fine with me, until he decides that we're not having sex until we get married (supposedly June 30, 2012).

    It is now about a year to our supposed wedding, and I am filled with many, many doubts. I love any and all holidays for the food/family aspect, whereas he will kind of cooperate but it's always a struggle. If our son needs a blood transfusion, I will do so without hesitation. I have absolutely NO intention of coverting to JW, however I do attend meetings with him occasionally, and let him take our son to meetings sometimes as well (as a sign of support). His congregation and family seem to like me enough, but I'm curious how/if that'll change if and when we get married.

    So basically..... does anyone have any advice? Do you think that we can we make it work? Is anyone else in a similar situation?

    The fact that we have a kid throws a huge monkey wrench into the whole parents are still together and I always wanted that kind of stable home life for any children I may have :(

    I love my fiance, but I have a lot of doubts as to if we'll make it for the long haul :(

  • snowbird

    Welcome to the forum, June Bug.

    Sorry to hear about the baby's birth issues, but glad to know that you will allow a transfusion, should he need it.

    As for your other questions and doubts, hang on, some other posters will be along to break it down for you.


  • sizemik

    Hi June Bug and welcome . . .

    You've come to the right place. I am not the best one to tell you how to approach your situation, but do know this much . . .

    Yes, things will probably change once you're married. It's not impossible to make it work . . . but extremely difficult. If you were my daughter I would very strongly encourage you not to marry this man while he remains a JW. This religion by it's very nature makes "mixed" marriage a living hell. Getting him to drop the religion however is almost as difficult. You will need to become familiar with this site and other sources as well in order to approach this, using a strategy with any chance of success. Even then, because he has gone back once . . . there will always remain that possibility.

    But as Syl said . . . others will offer advice also, and help you build a realistic picture of where your at. Take your time and become informed before you try anything.

    All the best to you.

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Welcome June Bug...I can't offer you any useful advise but I would say that he obvously had strong reasons for leaving in the first place...maybe he needs to be reminded what they were. Time has a way of making things seem better, there is a lot of info on here to support his doubts, try the search engine on UN involvement etc that might jog the memory. Good luck.

    As snowbird said...I'm sure others here will have some good, well tested advice...

  • jwfacts

    Welcome. That is a beautiful family photo.

    Before you get married you should have the hard conversations about the religion. You may uncover a different side to him.

    Find out what his thoughts will be if you admit you think he is in an damaging religion. How will he react if you choose to let the child celebrate birthdays? How about if you do not want the child indoctrinated and refuse to let him go to meetings until he is 16?

    Research the religion for the sake of your child. Do you really want your child brought up that way.

    Also talk to you fiancee about how he will view you if you do not convert. Does he feel you will die at Armageddon? Are you an embarrassment? If you go to a few more meetings you will notice how people that marry unbelieving partners are looked down upon, and you will be described as a burden that is holding him back in the congregation.

    There is a lot of good information on the internet about the Watchtower and also about how to help people leave a cult. If you are not able to get him to leave you will have a difficult marriage.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    Will he read anything on this site? Will he read anything negative about the religion? Will he read / think at all? If yes to any of those then you have hope. If not then it will be a struggle to get him to think for himself.

    Why did he leave it in the 1st place?

    Welcome to the board but sorry for your situation.

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    Hi and welcome to the forum. I feel really sorry for you because if he is determined the go back to the JWs, he will always put them first, not you, married or not. Keep talking to each other, and be honest with him. You look like a lovely little family, I wish you all the best!

  • pedal power
    pedal power

    Hi, and welcome to the forum,Im also in UK,Just 4 months ago, I was in a very similar posistion to your man, using exactly the same logic as him, IF SOMETHING BIG HAPPENS ect ect .I had been OUT for 8years, and just like him, thought I,d come back to being a JW at some point.There were a number of reasons Why I was going to go back.

    1, I still believed it was the one true religion, IT IS NOT

    2,I believed what I had been taught by JW,s was true. IT IS NOT

    3I would be around people that had a moral code, This may be attractive to him as a new father,perhaps worried about his child and /or both of you.The truth of the matter is there are peadofiles amongst JW,s, THIS is a FACT, JW,s have already paid tens of millions of pounds Sterling in out of court settlements, with accompanying gaging orders to prevent widespread news of this abuse.

    4. I wanted to live in a paradise and live forever{just as the JW.s teach} who wouldn,t ?

    I could list many more reasons why I was planning on returning to JW.s one day, and now I have no intention everWhy ? because I stumbled onto this site by accident 4 months ago, and very quickly realised I had been conned. You can get all the information you require on this site , that will clearly demonstrate JW,s to be FALSE iI mean really FALSE, yet just 4 months ago I would have just as adamant that the JW,s were the true religion, then as I say I found out the facts on this site. When I found out I was astoished, alarmed, and full of disbelief.

    Just one further point I would like to make to you, ask/tell him if JW,s are the TRUTH as they suggest, then surely, it would be good and useful to scrutinise such claims,Just ask here you will find all the help you need to try and lead this honest man away from this dishonest religion, take things slowly with him, all the best.

  • pedal power
    pedal power

    I just re-read your message, another point I just picked up on ,When your baby was gravely ill, your partner almost certainly prayed to Jehovah for the childs life, and understandably feels compelled to return,totally understandable, but god does not intrvene in these matters or 50,000 children under the age of 5 would not die every single day,SADLY

  • Alfred

    Welcome JB... Sounds like he left the JWs because of something that happened to him personally (an incident or series of events) versus actually discovering for himself (through in-depth research) that it is just a big lie and a scam... You really need to ask him the right questions to find out exactly why he left. If he left for personal reasons (and not because he "woke up") then I'm afraid you're in for a very bumpy ride...

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