Junebug... I'm there. I married that guy who was a lapsed witness. It's not a pretty picture. For the first 5 years of our relationship, before he went back to the JW's (and before I knew exactly what that meant) things were decent. He was a moderate guy, not afraid to tell women that he was a feminist even, and I was a feminist, liberal pagan. then 3.5 years ago it all changed. They came to our door right when we were making some big changes in our live, and now he's as bad as any religious right extremist except that on top of all that, he won't celebrate any special occassion. I'm not a superficial person, but my birthday is so upsetting to me anymore. "my man" considers it the height of evil to even so much as wake up and say happy birthday with a kiss. Those little joys being gone are just the surface of the damage this religion has done to our household and relationship.
Now, I cringe just about every time he says anything because it's nearly all related to the WT and their utter drivel. Our kids (my stepkids and our one child together) have bible studies and go out in service. It's awful. I'm working on leaving this situation, because quite frankly,it's crap. And every time that I talk to him about it, he always turns it around on me, as if I'm the one who's "tearing apart our family" as if I were the one who's doen a complete 180 (I'm still a feminst, liberal, UU- pagan). In fact lately, every flaw or trouble in our house is turned into my fault or my doing. Or he likes to shove in my face how my lack of peace (inner peace, if you will) is because my own beliefs are not working. He's not willing to see how huge a divide he himself created in our household, how his arroagance, and shitty religion has made more strife in this house than my religion and it's ability to create peace for me. . And is far too willing to blame it on me since I won't listen to bible truths.
So now I am on the brink of leaving, and feel horrible guilt about this as I'm leaving my steps to their JW dad and their SDA mom... great combination for those kids isn't it? But at least I can give my own kid a home (if only half the time) where she can have birthdays, holidays, read anything she wants (even Harry Potter) and have a haven away from that cult.
That's what it's come to for us. If he's interested in sticking with them, all they will do is continue to draw him in.
One thing that's been my experience is, as an "unbelieving wife" anytime I come near a JW, they are all my bestest bestest friend and try to hug me and go out of their way to overly buddy me. It makes me shudder. If I joined them, all I"d hear is how I need to leave my job, help hubby find decent work (I'm the breadwinner) and take me and my kids out in service every day. VOMIT.
It sucks.