Thanks EdenOne, BOC, Freddo and DOC.
DOC I think the reason we got to move on from being exjws so quickly was because of a couple of things:
1) We just left everything behind that was connected to it - friends, family, attachments, forums etc. It's not easy to do and not for everyone, but severing the ties completely and starting life from scratch worked for us. I wanted to be myself and walking on eggshells as you put it just wasn't going to work for me. I'd already had 40 years of that. Ripping the band-aid off in one go wasn't easy, I won't lie. But 2 years down the track we're very happy we did.
2) We also made a clear choice to not go out of our way to make friends with ex-jws that we couldn't find some other common interest with. The last thing we wanted to do was constantly open up old wounds and never let them heal by rehashing the past over and over. We had big plans for the future and wanted to leave the past where it was. About half of our good friends are ex-jws, but we are all moving forward with our lives, not dwelling on being victims and supporting each other along the way as we rebuild.
3) We, along with our close ex-jw friends, have all worked very hard on our mindsets. We have taken the negative experience we all had and turned it into a positive. We do talk about being jws (how can we not, it's been a huge part of our lives), but that's used as a reference or framework for things we can relate to. None of us stay up-to-date with their current mags, teachings etc. We all have a lot of life still to live and we want to see each other reach our full potentials. Instead of creating a circle of negativity, we have created a positive one and this support has been extremely helpful in moving on.
Personally, I'm very happy I went through what I did. It has given me a frame of mind and reference I would never have had otherwise. It's turned me into the person I am today and the experience of coming out greatly influences the person I am becoming. After losing almost everything I loved (and at one stage the real possibility of losing my beautiful wife), I now know what I can face and that is very empowering. I'm using it to propel myself forward in business and life. Humans are very resilient, everyone here is far stronger than they think they are.
4) We also put ourselves way out of our comfort zone in trying to make new "worldly" friends. We joined MeetUp groups. Volunteered. Joined forums where others just moved to our city and are looking for friends. Reached out to people in our businesses. (That yielded some awesome friends.) Got a puppy and walked around our neighborhood with her. (That made the most friends and invites in the quickest time. People love puppies and will become friendly very quickly if they see you often.) We're going to join a dance group for lessons soon too. It's not easy, but the results are worth it.
We haven't hidden our past when making new friends. We just tell them matter of fact what happened and why we were friendless and people are fascinated. Most people live quite mundane lives so they love listening to something so off the wall. Once the story is told we move on to other subjects, usually about them. It one of the ways we're turning our past into a good thing. It also makes for some very deep and bonding conversations that propel the relationship forward much faster than talking about superficial stuff. Everyone out there is hurting in one way or another. Lots of people looking for friends themselves. There's a lot of lonely people out there. Ones with pasts far worse than mine. Lots of people are being "shunned" by family members too, even without religion as the basis. Realising these things helped us to have empathy, not feel too sorry for ourselves and move forward.
5) For me one of the biggest things I did to leave it all behind was to read like crazy. In the last 2 years I have read at least 2-3 books a week. Books on belief, mindset, psychology, history, spirituality, science, evolution, philosophy, biology, health, persuasion, manipulation, business, sales, marketing, quantum mechanics and physics, habits, NLP, hypnosis, fitness, sociology etc. I have an Audible account and listen to them while I work and commute. Best investment in time and money I've ever spent. I go out of my way to read things that challenge my current "beliefs" (I hate that word now). The subject of spirituality has been the hardest one for me to delve into. But I'm learning that jw spirituality is very different from the true meaning of that word. I try hard to suspend my current opinion and relate to the other side. It has opened up many new worlds to me that I couldn't pursue or even know about as a jw.
One of the best lines I have ever read says: "The question isn't 'Who am I?' it's 'Who am I becoming?'" This is how I live my life now.
I just finished an interesting book from the CBO of Google [X], the guys behind their driverless car technology. The book is called: Solve For Happy by Mo Gawdat. While like most books I read, I don't agree with everything (especially his bias for a "designer". Skip the last chapter unless you want to listen to some jw-like one-sided logic), this book is a very good place to start for those that are stuck in a state of unhappiness and want to move on. It's one of the few books I'll actually read again soon.
Don't beat yourself up or compare your self to others too much DOC. But also, don't allow others to hold you back from being the real you either. Life's short and nobody has any proof that there's anything more after this. Go and live it how you want to now, around people that love you for being you. It takes time and effort and lots of pain, but its a small price to pay for a much better rest of your life :)
Stumpy
