Meditations - that is a damning statement... scared me! but then you said" but so true!"
It's hard to see that all the "love" we thought we had was just "cult mind set"
my life... well the first part at least
by Found Sheep 134 Replies latest members private
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Intel
Found Sheep: Thanks for sharing. It is very personal and deeply touching. We find a bit of ourselves in these life stories.
Hug you. Thanks for you courage. I wish I could tell mine.....I will one day. I will use this board to tell my life story...its only that there is no "Happy End" yet, so I don't feel telling it....
....admire you!
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Found Sheep
Intel- no happy ending? is mine any happier then any ex-jw? NO
it is a cult and it destroyed a lot of life.
my life
your life?!
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SixofNine
Intel- no happy ending? is mine any happier then any ex-jw?
Putting "ex" in front of "jw" is a happy ending. If it isn't, you're doing it wrong ;)
Thanks for sharing your stories Found Sheep, and keep 'em coming :)
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Found Sheep
true SixofNine i stated it backward...
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sizemik
Still keeping up Raveen . . .
I can identify with the pioneer mindset you mentioned . . . the 90 hours a month target for a couple of years . . . made me realise how immersed I was back then too.
I agree also that JW's lose the ability to love essentially. Love by nature is expressed without restraint . . . and yet WT put so many "boundaries" in place . . . for both intimate love as well as love for others . . . it meant love itself had to be constrained and only expressed within tightly defined rules. In time what we feel free to express becomes how we feel . . . and that means less loving. period.
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Found Sheep
Gald you agree sizemik
Been busy and the next faze of life is the hard part...
LM and I just got further and further away from eachother.
After nursing school I started to work full time at the local hospital. I enjoyed the work and it became my focus. My boss wasn't good at all though. She would scream at me tell me I was stupid, infront of my patients. I wasn't the most secure person at the time and so it hurt me. As a new nurse it is intimadating already. I knew even back then that she was just jealous of me. She is fat, not attactive one bit and people don't like her. One new experiance I had at work was being noticed by Men. I was starving for attention and it must have shown. One person in perticular that I worked with I'll call Ahab (because that's his name) noticed me. Rumors when around that we were more then friends. I started to look for another job mainly because of the bad boss, but I also felt I needed to get away frome Ahab.
LM was all about his parents. He didn't work more then 10 hours a week. All he did was take care of Mom and Dad. I must clarify that they DID'T need 24 hour care. He started to act like a retired old man. I would work 12 hours a day come home and the only thing he acomplished was breakfast, lunch, diner for Mom and Dad. He became more controlling. He controlled the money and kept tract of every penny I spent. He also would get mad if I tried to look nice. If i put makeup on for work he would ask me to take it off. If the skirt was near my knee it was too short. If you could tell I had any boobs, I wouldn't be able to leave the house in it.... Even people at the hall knew that side of him.
I'll be back
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Found Sheep
We went on vacation with two of his friends. Two interesting events happen.
I was talking to the wife and told her about my life at the time. I told her about LM views of me verse his parents and related a conversation I had with LM. I told her I asked LM "If you were on your death bed you would ask the nurse to make sure your Dad was OK - not Make sure my wife knows I love her" he said YES that is what I would think....
she looked at me and said "I don't know what to say" that was it.
Then being the silly girl I am... I saw a baseball field and said LM lets race around the bases... He is a baseball men so thoughts it would be fun...I was on flipflops.... but as we got to the home-rum I was going to win. I am a runner afterall. So the LM pushes me to the ground and I get hurt. big cuts on my legs and arms... what ever I think... I get up and find a ways to stop the blood. I move on with the day. LM I don't think even said "I'm sorry" we just moved on
the wife I find out later had a real hard time with it. They both watched him push me and not care that i got hurt. She later told me the problem she had was the I didn't care. She said that was a big flag! They were LM's friends more then mine and just moved on....
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Morbidzbaby
Ooh that last post kinda reminds me of my ex, Raveen. He never gave two shakes of a rat's tail if I was okay or not. For instance, on one occasion, we went to the beach and with a bunch of kids, there's no way to pack light. But, instead of helping me carry stuff, he took my oldest son and headed down the beach and left me with the cooler, the chairs, the beach bag, the 8 month old baby, and a 2 year old. So, like the pack mule that he had turned me into years before, I slung 2 chairs over one shoulder, the beach back over the other, the baby on my hip, and dragged the cooler behind me with the other hand...my toddler, decided to wander down the beach in the opposite direction as me...I had to keep going back and rounding her up. Meanwhile, husband of the year is way the hell down the beach picking up shells with my oldest.
Now, a bunch of people are watching this and not saying a word...until I tripped with the baby in my arms and scraped up my knees on the rocks (the bambino was fine...just looked at me and gave me a 2-toothed grin). The strangers asked if I was okay. The husband came over because he heard me yell "Son of a bitch!!!" and instead of asking me if I was okay, I was chastised for my language and my carelessness with the baby! My knees were scraped and bloody, I was hurting, and still he made me carry everything and only decided to grab the toddler. I'm giving him a major attitude and the ass had the NERVE to talk down to me about that!
But that's the way it always was. I wasn't ever allowed to be upset with him about something. And he never gave me any help. It was always me who carried the load, figuratively and literally. He was a total mama's boy and put his parents above me as well. Never stood up to my evil MIL and told her to lay off me. Nope. She was always right.
Keep going when you can! I'm really interested in knowing more!
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freeflyingfaerie
I cannot say much right now on this forum about experiences with a Little Man, but know you have my deepest sympathies