So I asked my female coworker what she was doing this weekend............

by miseryloveselders 88 Replies latest jw friends

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  leavingwt

  worth getting DFd over

  You must radically transform your thinking. You're already an apostate. IOW, you're already actively practicing something worse than fornication in WT world.

  So, there is no need to get DF'd over fornication. Unless you plan to rat yourself out. Will there be two witnesses to the event?

  I don't want to sound as if I'm encouraging you to violate your conscience. I'm merely pointing out that evaluating your personal life based upon what might get you DF'd is probably giving the cult a little too much power/influence.
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  Violia

  Thanks LT for stating the obvious. If they knew you posted here You would be an apostate in their mind and they would not spit on you if you were on fire. I assume you are not telling them you post here? You have already taken a big step toward a free mind. If you are content living like a monk, fine. If you are not go out and start living life. Life really is short and yes I know you have been told that before . However, you will be old before you know what happened and we really aren't going to live in paradise on earth. I don't know about the afterlife. Worrying yourself about sin and the afterlife are for old folks, not young people. I too am not advocating you go against your moral code- actually this is good and some very lucky woman is going to get a wonderful husband. I know we have razed you a bit, but I think those of us who have " been there" know you are wasting your precious youth. It is sad watching folks do this.
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  144001

  144001, are you sayin' that you would be willin' to walk out on small children if you had any ? young children trump your own personal misery. Don't ya think ?

  I'm not suggesting that you "walk out on small children"; rather, I'm suggesting that you walk out of the Watchtower cult and enjoy what's left of your life. Leaving the cult may mean divorce for you, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you will lose your children. In fact, the freakish lifestyle that Jehovah's Witnesses subject their children to is a fact that might be used against your spouse in custody proceedings.

  In the long run, your children will respect you for having the cajones to reject the abuse and misery that is the Watchtower.
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  rebel8

  I always said I wouldn't be one of those brothers who would ruin some sister. I've seen quite a few dudes who have hurt very good women. Dynamic, intelligent women. I refuse to be one of those men. I'd rather die than strip a good woman of her dignity.

  Um. wow. I hope you don't mind the comments I am about to make, and apologies in advance if I'm misunderstanding you.

  I am sure you feel that is a respectful way to view the situation, but to me (someone with 20+ years' perspective), it actually sounds sexist. Maybe that shocks you.

  The concept that you have the power to "ruin some sister" or "strip a good woman of her dignity", well that is icky. Are we talking about having sex? You, as a consenting adult with equal intelligence, choice, and authority as your female partner, don't actually have the ability to "ruin" her any more than she has to "ruin" you. Any ruining is all created in one's mind.

  I am not advocating you have sex if you don't want to. Just consider not viewing it through the 1950s Watchtower lens.

  Which brings me to my favorite quote:

  There are cases where a girl became pregnant as a result of one sex interview with a boy. What a price for a girl, a virgin, to pay for a few minutes of satisfied sex emotions! When persons start in this dangerous and sinful course, they find it hard to overcome future temptations. When a young, unmarried girl falls to the temptation, the price she pays is terrible: shame, sorrow, a ruined reputation, endless troubles, with the danger of being disfellowshiped from a congregation if the girl is a dedicated member. It is high time for girls to understand the make-up of their bodies and its functions, especially with regard to sex. Then if a girl understandingly takes care of herself while the ovum is at large and is causing sex disturbance and cravings within her, she will be able to act like a true lady of irreproachable morals at all times. She will avoid the violating of her virginity and the shame and conscience-stricken state due to this; and wisely she will direct her young life so as to end up in the position of a clean, happy wife and mother of legitimate children, journeying to the new world of righteousness, where there will be no sex problems amid a sex-crazy population.~Watchtower 1961 December 15 pp. 767-768 Questions from Readers
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  VampireDCLXV

  @rebel8,

  I think what Miz meant by "ruining" a woman was that if a guy dates a woman (and maybe marries her?) and makes her life miserable, when he continually lies and manipulates, it could make her feel devastated and incurably cynical, especially when the relationship fails after many years. It has a lot more to do with than just sex, sweetie...

  V665
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  Broken Promises

  I took Miz as meaning he doesn't want to "ruin" her by dating while he's not prepared to toe the WTS company line. Ultimately, she would want a "spiritual" husband while Miz knows he can't be the strong spiritual husband she rightly expects.

  After all, he's an elder, so she'd be dating a spiritual giant in everyone's eyes. Unknown to her, Miz can't pretend to be a good little JW forever.
• 

  VampireDCLXV

  BP

  V665
• 

  rebel8

  I agree it's pretty crappy to lie to someone about your religious beliefs before marrying them.

  But it's not stripping someone of their dignity. It's just being a first class jerk. The woman would wake up the next morning and the sun would still rise. Life wouldn't be ruined.

  I still think he was talking about her losing her virginity. Then when she went back on the market she wouldn't have that as a means to attract another jw husband, who would most likely be a virgin and would want the same in a wife. She'd be used, damaged goods--just like the Youth book and 1950s Watchtowers said. Ruined and stripped of her dignity.
• 

  miseryloveselders

  I still think he was talking about her losing her virginity. Then when she went back on the market she wouldn't have that as a means to attract another jw husband, who would most likely be a virgin and would want the same in a wife. She'd be used, damaged goods--just like the Youth book and 1950s Watchtowers said. Ruined and stripped of her dignity.

  No disrespect but, LOL. It absolutely had nothing to do with sex. Nothing. Sheesh. You should probably read SD-7's threads, as what he's going through, or what he's went through, is what I wish to avoid. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he's not a good dude, because he is. His situation is just unfortunate considering how this organization puts pressure on marriages. The stakes get raised to red levels if one of the mates decides they "no longer want to serve Jehovah." Considering that I woke up prior to putting a pagan ring on some poor gal's finger, it would be inappropriate for me to make that decision.