I don't miss any of em or my family, I've been out since I was 15 I brought my self up, I've see them on the street I keep on walking as if i never knew the religon, I don't let it fase me or hurt me in any way. as for my family I treat them like strangers on the street, I sometimes pass my mother and brother on the street when there walking the street leaving mags, and i keep my head up with a smile, knowing i'm living a good life..
How do you view the people you left behind?
by sabastious 50 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Quirky1
At first I was hurt then as time went on I found myself to be angry with the ones that I thought shoulda been smarter than that and I still think they but they are like most of them, just caught up in a scam and don't know how to get out. At first a few of them still came around and asked me to do things like go eat, bowl or something. But, within the last 6 months I have been totally forgotten and it is beginning to take a toll on me. I don't have a fuckin' freind in this world....nobody to talk to, nuthin'..and this damn computer shit is getting old too..
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undercover
within the last 6 months I have been totally forgotten and it is beginning to take a toll on me. I don't have a fuckin' freind in this world....nobody to talk to, nuthin'..and this damn computer shit is getting old too..
You probably don't wanna hear this but I'm gonna say it anyway...
You gotta get out and meet people. It ain't easy, I know. I'm more of a wallflower type myself and found it hard to go out amongst the 'worldlies' and mix in.
Pursue some interests. Try new hobbies. Try new places to visit...even bars/restaurants. I started hanging out in a local tavern and met a lot of my neighbors and others that I found to be interesting and friendly. Over time you start to replace those old JW conditional friendships with new friendships.
It doesn't happen overnight either. Drop me in a room full of people and I become the invisible man. I can go to the same place, with the same people several times and no one remembers me. But I didn't go to make an impression or force myself on people. I went for the music/food/drinks/scenery/whatever...and over time people started to recognize me and over time I opened up to them and became friendly with some and actual friends with some. Now I'm in a completely different scene that I never thought I would be a part of as a JW (which is cool - because dubs are never around now)
While the computer shit may not replace actual human contact and friendships it can help you share your thoughts and feelings with those of us who have been where you are. You're not alone...
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Quirky1
UC, I appreciate the suggestions but it is very hard to do when you are married to a "still in". Kinda hard to explain that I'm goin' to the tavern to hang out without causin' a bunch o'shit......
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undercover
Yea, the still-believing mate does make it hard.
Another idea that worked for me... encourage your spouse to pursue her hobbies and interests. If she gets a chance for a job promotion, encourage it. Encourage the further education to land a promotion. For every bit of encouragement she gets at the hall to avoid the world and its pleasures you have to double the encouragment to go for it.
As I faded and the so-called 'friends' one by one dropped me, they also started avoiding her. She, being more social than me, was bothered by not being part of a social scene. Solution...let's go to the club/bar/tavern. Here's the funny thing...I'm on to the BS of the WTS, yet was more introverted about trying to go out and make friends. She, still believing, but slowly becoming inactive, became a social butterfly out and about at all the new places we were going to.
Every situation is different, each person different. What worked for me might not work for you or others. But from my experience I know that if you can replace the automatic JW schedule with other, more fun and spontaneous events, it does start to make a difference over time. And patience is important.
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Quirky1
Thx, UC.
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free2beme
Human beings doing the best they can in this life to find answers, to do what is right and to be what they think they were meant for. Whether they may be seen as lost, sad or any other negative form from people with a negative perspective clouded in anger and frustration. I still see them as humans beings, just doing what they can. Which is what we are doing, as well. Only difference, our perspective changed and our views become something else. Who knows, one day you may look at the you 'now' and see yourself in the same way you see Witnesses 'today.'
Life is not simple
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Reopened Mind
I had (believe I still have, at least until the big announcement) one very good JW friend. I had confided in her so much that I gave her a magnet that said, "You'll always be my best friend, you know too much." We have not been in the same congregation for several years but have always kept in touch. I last saw her about six months ago. She is still thoroughly indoctrinated. She doesn't have a clue about my fading. I would love to share with her what I have learned, but realize that everyone must reach their own conclusions in their own time.
Most of the others I can either take or leave. Many are genuinely good people who are just under the influence of a mind-controlled cult.
Meantime my and my husband's fading must proceed slowly so we don't leave behind our sons and their families.
FlyingHighNow: Loved the Lost in Space clip. It was one of my favorite shows in my preJW years.
Reopened Mind
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GLTirebiter
True, the uniforms are a dead giveaway.
Be careful--high school debaters also wears suits and ties on Saturdays, and carry around briefcases for their debate case material. Watch carefully to see if they mind their own business--that would be the debate team, and they are generally harmless. Don't harrass them, they be your government officials about ten years from now!
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Faraon
Other than family, I don't think of them anymore. They made their choice, I made mine. Perhaps they'll join us in the real world someday but I'm not so optimistic and can't change them. I've made many friends since leaving. People come and go in this life, some you choose to hold onto, some not so much. C'est la vie.
Even if they are family, I will not talk to them if they ever shunned me, as in the case of the oldest one born from my sperm. When she was 16 years old she told me that I had no right to talk to her!
When her mother asked me for college money, I told her she would not get a penny from me because she turned 18 years old, and finished her high school. I also suggested to her mother to legally switch her last name from mine to Watchtower.