Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom 104 Replies latest social relationships

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  techdotcom

  His marriage broke up over wife swapping because his wife fell in love with one of the other guys who was just a sweeter guy.

  Sorry, nope. His marriage broke up for reasons that may have involved the other guy but their relationship was thiers to screw up. Her love for another guy would not automatically erase her love for her husband. That being said adding people to a relationship makes things more complicated, harder to balance, easier to take offense and to let fear and insecurity win. But I don't think you should blame her falling for the other guy, that implies that people can only really love one person at a time. I don't suffer from that handicap and believe that most are capable of loving most whom they know that are decent and good.

  My wife cares very deeply for one of our friends in particular, a guy, (I love the guy too, just more platonically, lol) and shares my deep affection for another, a woman. Love is not an all or nothing thing and is not the reason people fall out of it with one another. Marriage is an arrangment seperate from love and although it is much better with it, many have survived without it. Ours even did for quite some time when I was inactive for 10 years and my wife was very devout.

  The 'reality' is that life is complicated. Half of all marriages end in divorce. And I can masterbate quite effectivley without spending a thousand or more dollers on a doll thank you. ;)
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  FlyingHighNow

  You're kinda sensitive. I'm wondering if you're going to come inform all of us when this turns out badly for you.
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  FlyingHighNow

  Buy a few real dolls.
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  FlyingHighNow

  Hey, Real Dolls don't get pregnant.
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  Botzwana

  Yeah but Readdolls don't do cleanup afterwards...
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  144001

  In a word, "gross." No thanks.
• 

  techdotcom

  FlyingHighNow:

  You're kinda sensitive.

  Is that a bad thing for ya? Not manly enough maybe? I havn't expressed an interest in you for even friendship so I am a little confused as to how that's pertinent to the discussion.

  I'm wondering if you're going to come inform all of us when this turns out badly for you.

  Probably not 'if' however that statement is exactly the kind of negative type that I was talking about. Critcizing without any critical thought. Obviously it would be emotionally devastating if I and the mother of my 3 children and wife of more than 16 years broke up. Asshole. :)

  Here's a link to an interesting study done that provides references and also is up front about the limitations of this particular study. In other words, appears to be legitimate and well done. While not conclusive it does tend to shed some doubt on the sterotype being perpetuated by some of the attitudes here.

  http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm

  Some notable qoutes:

  Among swingers, is there a relationship between swinging and marital happiness? Two questions on the survey – one which asked about their relationships before swinging and the other about them after swinging – are cross-tabulated in Table 15. As the data shows, 62.6% of swingers found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships, 35.6% said their relationships stayed about the same, and only 1.7% said they became less happy. Even among those who said their marriages were "Very Happy" prior to swinging nearly half (49.7%) said they became happier. Among those with the most unhappy marriages 90.4% said their relationship became happier after swinging. It appears that, at least among the sample of swingers used in this research, swinging tends to improve the perceived quality of the couples' marriages regardless of how satisfying it was before swinging.

  If swinging were to threaten a couples' relationship, one would think that controlling jealousy would be a major issue. Table 17 shows that jealousy does not seem to be as big a problem for swingers as one might think. The majority of swingers (68.1%) said that jealousy was not a problem at all. Only 6.1 percent said it was "Very Much" a problem and about one- fourth (26.1%) said it was "Somewhat" of a problem. Males and females differed very little on their answers.
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  Mrs. Peck

  You know, people are too busy nowadays trying to "normalize" the abnormal in order to justify their behavior and somehow make it OK. I'm sorry but swinging is not a normal part of a marriage. If you are going to be married it means to each other, not you, me and a few other people in the mix. You may both be on the same page, but the risk of losing your marriage is very real once you enter into this plural world of sex partners. Why even be married if you guys want to go and be with other people?? You might as well call it a day and do what you really want to do, which is to go out and play the field a little. I'm sorry but I will never see this as normal marital behavior. You can get mad if you want, but I think that again goes along with the insecurity one would feel about their actions.

  Just my opinion.
• 

  wobble

  My wife and I have a open marriage, she keeps 'opin I'll drop dead !
• 

  techdotcom

  Mrs. Peck

  You know, people are too busy nowadays trying to "normalize" the abnormal in order to justify their behavior and somehow make it OK. I'm sorry but swinging is not a normal part of a marriage.

  True, in that society has set up a system of rules and standards that reinforce the idea of monogamy. But here is the thing. Most of the reseach I have done so far points to that being artificial and not a 'natural' arrangment when people are left to thier own devices. Historically, even in the bible, different types of polygomy are practiced quite often and would seem quite normal to those people. The previously cited research actually touches on this briefly but I don't have the reference to site at the moment. Where is your support for your argument that my life style is somehow harmfull to marriage? The material I have found, the swingers that I have talked to, and I, after my limited experience, would disagree with you.

  I'm sorry but I will never see this as normal marital behavior.

  While you can choose to believe whatever you want, why not actually explore an issue to discover if there is any real merit to what you think.

  You can get mad if you want, but I think that again goes along with the insecurity one would feel about their actions.

  I prefer to think of myself as passionate, and yes I will be honest, I harbour reservations and insecurities. To not do so would be to assume that I am always right and that would be far more dangerous to my marriage and life.

  Sticking to a prejudiced and ignorant path intentionally is harmfull to yourself and those around you. While I would never suggest swinging as a viable lifestyle for all, it would seem that most still want to simply make assumptions about what is right/wrong normal/abnormal without even considering that they might just be making it all up. Didn't you have enough of that as a witness?