by techdotcom 104 Replies latest social relationships
Oz:
Thats because all the guys want to bang the ladies, but the ladies choose who does...
Our friends who run the swinging club tell us that that is one of their "rules" - the lady has all the power and the final say.
Maybe that's a common "rule"? I don't know. I only know these people who swing.
palmtree67, From what I have seen so far the most common thing situation seems to be couples looking for another woman to play with. Many husbands and wives are just not as comfortable with bringing another man into the relationship as they are with another woman. As far as the woman having all the say, I don't feel that it is the case. My wife and I both reserve VETO rights on the others choice but rarely do so. I think that saying women have all the choice is a myth. It's been my observation that women simply don't pursue very often, leaving up to the men to do so. With that being the case it falls on the woman to choose. However, on occasion, a women will pursue a man for sex and in that case I the man has the choice. But either way the one rule you will find everywhere is that no means no and anyone not adhering to that will find themselves out in a hurry. While there may be some types of arrangements to be common the swinger/open types are not an homogenous bunch and the rules they follow vary widely from person to person and couple to couple.
It's funny how people will use critical thinking to explore thier religious beliefs to escape a cult like the JW's but at the same time ignore this valuable tool for other parts of thier lives, and often just seem to settle into another stagnant belief/moral system that has no objective reality to it.
I'm sorry but you brought your personal business to a public forum. I'm amazed that you have a problem with those who you deem not as "open" as you. Little boy, not everyone is gonna agree with you but I do agree that you have every right to have whatever kind of open relationship you want. It's none of my business what you or wfe do or how many folks you choose to do it with.
Pot meet the freaking kettle.
I don't have much experience at all in this,but I will say that sometimes you think you're just having a little bit of fun,and then,emotions come into play. And someone always gets hurt,and usually it's me. lol.
whoa dude!
back up a bit!
You bought this up mate so don't go nuts on those who you perceive to be negative ok? And for the record, i did not say, hint or otherwise indicate that i had a problem with your lifestyle choices, and i am not stuck in some JW warp of morality either.
Have i ever swung? NO. Have i ever wanted to? YES. And i HAVE looked into it, and i believe from what i have seen, heard and been told that most of the time the REALITY is that out of the couple, the female gets most 'affirmation' as you call it. That is not what most men in the scene want, they want their fair share too, but find they dont get it. Often it is the man who 'hints' to his partner that he wants to 'swing' and will she join him? He wants some extra sanctioned action and entices said lover into it too only to find she gets the extra action instead.
another example of what i mean... man goes into bar, points at woman and says 'me, you, my place' she says 'piss off'. Woman in bar points at man and says the same and he is like a dribbling idiot already trying to remove his pants.
You may both have veto rights but that has nothing to do with who gets all the action. I think by your careful wording that you are not at all happy with the status quo and are trying to be cool with it. I doubt it has anything to do with your interpersonal skills, more that you are one guy among too many.
Reality.
You already admit that the women get most of the action and get in for free then get all upity when somebody points out the obvious. Why do you think they get in free and guys have to pay? Because there are way more men wanting it, so they have to slow down the flow of men and bring up the supply of women.
have fun dealing with this. You asked for comments, you got them. lighten up.
oz
oz,
Okay first of all, sorry, wasn't trying to start an argument, or even debate the relative merits of the lifestyle. Of course it's frustrating that it is so much easier for my wife to have some fun, and yes I am trying to be cool about it. But saying I'm not at all happy with the status qou is a bit much. I am very happy with the friendships I've made and enjoy the fact that if something were to happen on a more intimate basis that it would be okay with my wife. Sorry if I seem touchy, I just like to argue, even though I'm not trying to get into one, I tend to attack with a switness when I feel threatend.
mrjones,
my comment was not made as a personal attack on you, or your choices. However, your tone does seem a bit agressive at me and derisive. That is not appreciated. For instance saying
I'm sorry but you brought your personal business to a public forum.
While true, ignores that I already admitted that. So why say it agian as if I was complaining about it?
Also
It's none of my business what you or wfe do or how many folks you choose to do it with.
Again, who say it wasn't your business but you? And If its none of your business and you don't wish to have a discussion about it, why are you commenting at all? Just lurk, there's no reason to troll.
EmptyInside,
Yep emotions come into play everytime. It gets complicated. At the moment for instace we are just holding steady and not pursuing anyone or fun time. We still have our special friends and are okay with intimacy we have gotten a bit burned out on the 'dating' for the moment.
All,
This thread was started as a way to talk about things that I have wanted to talk about in a safe, semi anonymous way and get some perspective from outside. I don't really care if anyone approves or dissaproves but will not tolerate condensention and critisism without basis. I understand realistically that I will get some but I will argue back if I think you are out of line. All of us tend to get a bit wrapped up in the religion that most of us here escaped. I think its good to talk about something else every now and then and I have found the subject of sex and swinging to be a very effective diversion from the pain and angst of leaving the Witnesses and much of my life behind.
Women tend to be far more comfortable with their sexuality to be "BI" then guys, so bringing a woman into a couple relationship for soem 3-some fun is far more common than bringing a man.
As long as people are aware of the bad that coems with the good and I don't just mean STD's and such, but the physcological issues that MAY arise, then it is up to them.
Personally the thought of two women sounds great, then I realise that it would be TWICE THE WORK, LOL !!!
For people who like open relationships, polyamory and swinging: if it's what you want and choose and it works for you and you aren't hurting your children, each other, etc. good for you. On the other hand: it's not for everyone. For those of us who choose not to indulge in such a lifestyle? Good for us, too. To each his own and live and let live.
Tech, I tried it in GA. I went to a swingers club back in 2003. I was a single guy and got picked up by a couple.
STD's? What about babies. I knew a few couples who did this when I was a teenager. I babysat for a couple of them. One lady came up pregnant. People nervously joked about who the baby belonged to. And they ended up razzing this one guy telling him that the baby looked like him. "Him"? His marriage broke up over wife swapping because his wife fell in love with one of the other guys who was just a sweeter guy. He was the husband of the lady with the baby. The baby came a couple of years after the razzed guy's marriage broke up.
Fantasy is one thing, reality is another. Buy a Real Doll.
