back up a bit!
You bought this up mate so don't go nuts on those who you perceive to be negative ok? And for the record, i did not say, hint or otherwise indicate that i had a problem with your lifestyle choices, and i am not stuck in some JW warp of morality either.
Have i ever swung? NO. Have i ever wanted to? YES. And i HAVE looked into it, and i believe from what i have seen, heard and been told that most of the time the REALITY is that out of the couple, the female gets most 'affirmation' as you call it. That is not what most men in the scene want, they want their fair share too, but find they dont get it. Often it is the man who 'hints' to his partner that he wants to 'swing' and will she join him? He wants some extra sanctioned action and entices said lover into it too only to find she gets the extra action instead.
another example of what i mean... man goes into bar, points at woman and says 'me, you, my place' she says 'piss off'. Woman in bar points at man and says the same and he is like a dribbling idiot already trying to remove his pants.
You may both have veto rights but that has nothing to do with who gets all the action. I think by your careful wording that you are not at all happy with the status quo and are trying to be cool with it. I doubt it has anything to do with your interpersonal skills, more that you are one guy among too many.
You already admit that the women get most of the action and get in for free then get all upity when somebody points out the obvious. Why do you think they get in free and guys have to pay? Because there are way more men wanting it, so they have to slow down the flow of men and bring up the supply of women.
have fun dealing with this. You asked for comments, you got them. lighten up.