Never Wake Up

by brotherdan 97 Replies latest jw friends

  • brotherdan

    Just got back from an awesome time in Maui. Today we got a call from my FIL. My MIL has been in Utah for the last week or so and found out that her family past was full of "demon activity". My FIL asked if we would get them a hotel to stay at since they have a ton of furniture from my wife's grandma. This started a convo with my wife regarding JWs and demons. While acknowledging that they do exist I denied the biblical support that they could "attach" themselves to inanimate objects.

    This started a huge debate, ending with me telling her how wrong the WT was. I tried to tell her about Steve Hasaans book and she told me that I needed to read it again because I am the one being mind controlled.

    I'm done. I just can't go on anymore. I'm tired. I'm no longer sure of myself. And I don't think life is worth this. That may sound extreme, but I know that I can't help my wife. She admitted (once again) that she would be willing to let our kids get molested for this organization. She used some of the SAME exact arguments as Alice!!! ALL CHILD ABUSE ALLIGATIONS ARE FALSE! THE ELDER BOOK THAT IS AVAILABLE ONLINE HAS BEEN ALTERED!

    etc, etc, etc... It's so old. I no longer know what to do. And I'm getting to the point where I don't even care anymore.

  • yknot

    You care....

    But everyone needs to vent.....

    maybe instead of arguing such nonsense in which she is in no frame of mind to be reasoned with..... just start talking about smurfs.

    make her laugh....

    Just a thought..... I know you boys like to lead...but when yall go off the reservation we don't really trust you to lead in that arena...... so instead maybe ask us to help you by suggesting you want to believe but are having a hard time but with patience and her help you might be able to see the light and return to the KH blissful in service!........ the WTS uses a carrot- learn from 'Mama'!

    Drag out old pubs, start a couples study.....

  • brotherdan

    I always make her laugh. But it doesn't work with this subject. I really DON'T care anymore. I feel like I'm done and it will never work...

  • jamiebowers

    I'm sorry you're going through this. But in reality, your children will never be silent lambs or victims of the blood ban, because you woke up. Whatever happens with your wife will happen. She's an adult and has the right to make her own decisions. But now your kids are relying on you alone for common sense decisions.

  • yknot

    ya I am pretty sure that is what my hub thought for the first 12 years .....but then I stumbled onto here by accident..

    Think positively!

    Act positive!

    Give her lots of attention...

    Avoid being baited into JW arguments (Yes honey I know that is what the WTS currently says.... I just happen to disagree)

    Lead your children......

  • cameo-d

    Sometimes people have to walk away from certain situations in order to find some solitude for their own sanity. You need support right now and maybe counseling would help and could be part of that support system you need to have in place. Until you are stronger, you can't lead. It's like the blind leading blind and they both fall into the ditch.

    Not that I'm saying your blind, brotherdan. It's just that you need to be stronger and more secure in yourself before you can be determined to lead others. And right now you need a strong support system. I am sure this website helps some, but a real live professional counselor would be even better.

  • brotherdan

    I know what you're saying cameo. It just seems so hopeless sometimes. You know? It was my plan to tell her (after this vacation) that I needed to take some time off from the meetings to get my head straight. But I feel so much stronger than that. There are things that REALLY bother me about this organization.

    The way she talked to me and defended the org today was unlike the way she talks about anything. She was not reasonable and she was attacking and insulting. It made me want to be the same way. I tried to hold back, but I kept saying things like, "It's jus because you don't have the knowledge of what is going on."

    She took that to mean that I was calling her stupid.

    The sad thing is that I DON'T think she is stupid. I think she is smarter that I willl ever be about most things. But she used it against me tonight. She said, "I have more street smarts than you will ever have, fucking asshole!" Not exactly a JW way to talk, but whatever. I'm just tired, and tired of the fight. I just want to sleep and not wake up. But I was just on a 2 week vacation, so no luck of that least naturally.

  • avengers

    Hey brother Dan.

    Don't get depressed. Get angry!

    You have all the right to be angry; not at your family but at the WT.

    They're doing the same crap to me. And to many others.

    The WT has me pissed off to no end.

    You know that since I have left the WT I have not had any depressions.

    In the "Truth" I was almost always depresed and never seemed to figure out why. I know now!

    So don't get depressed. Get even. Make your life good for yourself.

    Come on over and we will sample some good beers. Have fun.

    Andy, of the so disappointed in the FDS class.

  • elderelite

    Dan, Bro, it is nothing short of holy spirit(tm) that I am up at this time of the night to see this and respond to it... Please bro dont let the the lateness of the hour or the crazieness of it all prompt you to do something you'll regret. Get some sleep, I went to hawaii last year myself and the time change can be hell when you come back..

    I worry about my wife, you and I have talked enough for you to know we are very much in the same boat.. but these gals that we love are counting on us. they are looking to us. Take it slow.. think on what yknot mentioned.. when you go that far off the JW reservation they get to worrying that we have lost our minds, been swayed by apostates. Small steps is the key. Thats how most all of us wake up.. doubts then lead to a little more and little more and then BOOM! we are awake. But you gotta stay cool. If you flip out its the org that wins. On confidential note, my wife and I had "the talk" tonight.... wasnt as bad as I had thought, and frankly went fairly well all things concidered. But a wise friend gave me some advise about taking it slow, being vauge, and keeping myself as the head by framing it as "i'm looking out for the family's spirituality".. it aint easy and i didn't pull it off perfectly, but hell if it wasn't good enough! You can do this! I will absolutly S**t in my pants if this org ruins one more family, especially the family of someone who seems like such a decent guy..

  • elderelite

    Dan, if you wanna talk tonight email me and I'll give you my phone number...

    [email protected]

    but I suspect a good nights sleep will help a whole lot...

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