by Knb1983 44 Replies latest jw experiences
Welcome! Thanks for venting
I too was a born in & am struggling with guilt over holidays such as christmas- my boyfriend has never been a JW and I want to please him but I just don't feel the same connection with holidays & I just don't feel like doing much for them-
let us know how this holiday season goes with you and your family
CHG
Welcome!
My story is similar to yours...except my husband isn't out yet. I waited until I was 18 to get baptized so I could get married. My husband lost his privileges in the hall because he was dating an unbaptized publisher.
I had some doubts for quite some time, but looked into them a few months ago. There is so much information online about how this religion doesn't make sense. Once I started looking, the fear of dying at Armaggedon was gone. Have you read "Crisis of Conscience?" and "In Search of Chrisitian Freedom?" They were written by a former governing body memeber and are great!
Being raised a JW, I always felt left out because I couldn't celebrate holidays. I just had an "unbirthday" birthday party for my little boy which was lots of fun. (Only me and my sister were there, lol). And hopefully when my husband leaves, we can celebrate holidays as a family.
You have to do what's best for you and your family.
Take care!
Hi knb,
Thank you for putting writing some of what I feel.
guilt trip. story of my teenage years as well. I cringe at how I was made to feel at school because the WTS and my parents wanted me to make a stand.
I didn't celebrate a birthday until a few years ago when my work colleagues got me a cake and took me out to lunch by surprise - they had no idea it was my first and it felt really special. It may seem odd following celebrations but the kids will love it and what the kids enjoy so will you. You have created your own family and you're the boss (I'm sure the hubbie won't disagree ) so enjoy your freedom and don't feel like you need to please the JW's who've tried so hard to control you.
The guilt / fear thing - it does go with some research and time.
Welcome
MMXIV
Welcome Knb1983!
Doesn't it feel great to finally get your story out of the inside of you and share it with people who understand and care?
Welcome to freedom!
Here's a big hug for you and your family.
The best way to get the real scoop on Watchtower history is to read Ray Franz's book Crisis of Conscience (CoC for short). The nephew of the late WTS president Fred Franz, Ray was on the Governing Body in the 1980s and was shocked when he researched the organization's history for Watchtower publications he was assigned to write. He was also upset by the way the Governing Body actually operated. Because he told what he knew, he was forced off the Governing Body and disfellowshipped.
When you read about things he tells you the Watchtower has said and taught and you want to see proof with your own eyes, let us know. Lots of people on this website can document what Ray says. I myself have the 1918 book The Finished Mystery and the originals of many books from the Rutherford era.
Dogpatch (Randy Watters), a former Bethelite, has far more documentation than I do, and he'll be glad to provide it to you upon request.
Don't be surprised if you feel sick and betrayed and disoriented. That's normal.
Believe me, we understand.
Welcome and Congratulations on your first post here. You made a very big step in the right direction, vent and let it all out. I too was raised in the 'troof' and stuck with it for far too long, 50+ yrs.....O M G!!!! I gave them the best years of my life. Thank goodness you are young and thinking for yourself. All the suggested websites and books here are amazing and will clear up all the doubts and questions you have been holding in. Share all the information with your husband, talk and express yourself here. Be tactful with family, they are victims too. Show love and consideration yet confidant in your own experience.
I will share my best advise; Live, Love and Laugh, see the world and your own backyard, find joy and be curious NOW and Everyday.
OnTheWayOut -- You're right my brothers never were baptized and don't have anything to do with the JW's. They were pretty much normal teens. My parents got divorced and my mom couldn't pull off the guilt trips with them, so they got to do the fun and crazy things that teens do and have fun with friends.
Ding -- It feels wonderful to get this stuff out! It's amazing to see this forum and realize my husband and I are not alone, that there are so many people who have been raised in this religion and have gotten out and are happy about that decision.
I was telling my husband just last night that I feel like I was brainwashed as a kid. I don't blame my parents or anyone else that was in the congregation, because they were all brainwashed too. It feels like a punch in the gut to slowly start realizing that the only religion I know is a sham. I've lived my life with the fear of Armageddon in the back of my mind constantly since I was old enough to really understand what it meant. I can't wait to read the books that some of ya'll recommended.
You are not alone!
Welcome to the board!
Girl, reading your story made me feel like I had a long-lost sister!!!! I am 31, not that much older than you, and I went through the EXACT experiences as you growing up!! Having to go to the library during ever holiday or b-day part, holiday assembly, etc. It was awful!!
My parents were the same way, VERY strict and yet they were off-again, on-again as far as regular attendance. They would also guilt me out of EVERYTHING! I never went to ONE dance, EVER!! I didn't have my own high school graduation party, but guess who did? The 4 or so other JW's that I graduated with, but guess who they DIDN'T invite? ME!!! I was so hurt by that. Couldn't have a party of my own, but the other JW's did and didn't invite me cause I was too "worldly" because I wasn't baptized. I NEVER got baptized, so that jokes on them!!!!
I attended college, but it was hard with no parental financial assistance. The WatchTower has stolen our childhood from us, but that doesn't mean they have to steal OUR childen's!! I have a 6-year old with a "worldly" wife. My child has never stepped foot into a Kingdom Hall, ever!! He has had all B-days, holidays, etc. I haven't gone "all-out" on holidays, but I've definitely have with B-days, etc. It gets easier, TRUST ME!!!!
Your description of feeling like being "punched in the gut" and being brainwashed it EXACTLY my own feelings about 6 years ago when I finally could admit out-loud that what my parents raised me in was a CULT. Say it out loud now, a CULT!!! If you can, read Ray Franz's books, Jim Penton's book, and if it all possible watch the video from 1985 entitled, "Witnesses of Jehovah". It maybe be on youtube in parts, and it's an hour long, but worth every minute!!!!! I was so sick after watching it that I refer to that moment as a real turning point for me....I had that "punched gut" feeling after watching it. My late mother watched it as well.
At least your husband is on the same road, the road leading out of this "false religion" and hopefully to a path of true worship, in whichever denomination you may feel comfortable with. I am more convinced then ever that while Jesus may not be God, He definitely is drawing those seeking TRUTH and HIM out of the WT Org. Once you are out a while, you can really start to see the grip and control the Governing Body is lording out over everyone, in the form of research, thought, education, careers, dress and grooming, actions, etc, etc, and it is only getting worse with every passing year.
My deceased parents wouldn't even recognize this religion if there were resurrected right now, they just wouldn't!!! The recent Generation change has really proved to me how freakin clueless they really are; they are just pulling crap out of their asses now!!! I remember in the 1980's that 1914 Generation was PROOF, absolute PROOF of how close to The End we really were, hell The Great Tribulation was due to break out any second!!!!!!! Now, they don't even make a guess as to who the King of the North is, and the cry of Peace & Security is no where in sight. It's all "Do as we say, and no comment from us on past fallicies" from the WT leadership.
Welcome!!
- Wing Commander
Welcome Knb1983
Welcome! Please research and learn the truth about the truth.
Ray Franz Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian Freedom are a must read as is Don Cameron's "Captives of a Concept"
Stephen Hassan's Combatting cult mind control and releasing the bonds were really helpful to me.
