Definitely getting DF'ed now (page 13)

undercover

Gregor has a good point. Dealing with WT shit is hard enough, but to throw adultery in the mix just fucks everything up, to put it bluntly.

Nothing you don't know already but try to to seperate the two main issues as you go forward: 1) the marriage and 2) the religion

It's hard because to JWs they're intertwined. A zealous JW is married to the WT organization as much as they are to their physical mate - a spiritual menage a trois, if you will.

How ironic - you can get DFd for messing around but the zealous JW is expected to have two partners - their legal mate and then the WTS.

ziddina

Best results in your forward progress, NotVeryLikely!!

Having gone thru a JW-marriage/divorce myself - and I committed adultery after 9 years of crap just to get out of the marriage - I can tell you that initially there will be some JW-induced mental inhibitions and guilt...

Don't worry. You WILL GET THROUGH IT. Your life will be MUCH BETTER a year from now, and even more so, TWO YEARS from now.

Undercover - as usual - made some great points... "How ironic - you can get DFd for messing around but the zealous JW is expected to have two partners - their legal mate and then the WTS. ..."

But I would flip that last part around... Anyone controlled by the WTBTS is expected to have one MAIN partner - the WTBTS, PRIMARILY - and the legal, Gov.Bod-approved "JW" mate as an incidental, ancillary 'accessory' - er, 'marriage mate'...

Zid

notverylikely

Thanks. Since she has decided on a scriptural divorce (as is her legal right as well) I have zero reason to try to salvage anything with the religion. I really don't have any "friends" in the org since they were all conditional friends anyway and I knew that. We are focusing on just getting the kids through this. I made it clear that financially I am going to take care of her and I will not undermine her authority as the mother and that I will make it clear that when they are with her she is the authority.

We will work it out. The hardest part will be talking to the kids.

notverylikely

Zid, you are right and she 100% was in for that. I was completely secondary to the org, and our relationship ebbed and flowed as her perception of my spirituality did.

brotherdan

You have a PM

ziddina

Yeah, NotVeryLikely...

Very sorry to hear about her attitude towards you.

Please keep in mind that things WILL GET BETTER. It will be a rocky road at first; lots of ups and downs, but it WILL GET BETTER...

From your comments in your first post(s) on this thread, I get the feeling that you've relaxed a bit by not having to put on a false "good little JW" face, anymore...

Zid

notverylikely

thanks zid. my biggest poblem now is figuring out who i really am. to have friends, family, etc., i had to lie and fake emotions so much i am a little worried that i have been basically turned into a fucking psychopath that can lie about anything with a straight face and keep any hint of emotions shoved deep down.

i'll figure it out.

tec

i'll figure it out.

Yes, I'm sure you will. And you have people you CAN talk to here, and elsewhere.

Tammy

brotherdan

notverylikely,

I'm going through the lying and hiding right now. It's purely about religion, but it's still tough. I WILL lose my family (including my wife) if I give this org up. So who knows. But you've gotten through the part that takes some people YEARS to get through. So you overcame one hurdle. The next one is starting your new life off fresh and saving your kids from having to go through the same thing.

palmtree67

i am a little worried that i have been basically turned into a fucking psychopath that can lie about anything with a straight face and keep any hint of emotions shoved deep down.

That's what happened to me. I was the cheater and that's not like me.

I decided the cheating wasn't the reason for the marriage breaking up, it was a symptom of deeper problems.

But suddenly, I was treated like I was screwing everyone.

Hugs,

Palm

Definitely getting DF'ed now

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