Fight with wife over watching Avatar escalates to near-separation--true story

by sd-7 108 Replies latest jw friends

  • MsDucky
  • jamiebowers
    Rat poison? Maybe I should just let this thread die. That's a bit extreme.

    SD-7, you don't know Gregor's sense of humor. It's very dry. You know how much I care about you, but honestly I laughed at Gregor's post. You took it personally, because you aren't familiar with him, which brings me to my next point.

    I seem to have shown up as a target again on people's radar here, with another thread with my username in it that showed up. This is really a big embarrassment, probably should've given this thread a less conspicuous title. I am saddened by some of the responses there, but I very much appreciate the folks who have comforted me through all of this. I would say it takes a special kindness to not give me the tongue-lashing others have because I've been such a huge pushover.

    Please notice that the vast majority here support and understand you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Do you remember what I told you on the phone on Friday about some of the things I did when I was first out? The only difference between you and me is that I didn't have a board to pour my heart out to.

    But it's fine. It's a bad habit to be posting all this stuff here anyhow. I usually end up disappearing for awhile after someone here upsets me. It's a disappointing cycle. I still don't know how you all do it, how you...have all this strength and surety and you stand up for yourselves. Don't know what happened to me that made me this weak. Perhaps if I can answer that question, it might help.
    ... But I guess this isn't really that safe place for me, anyway. I have to earn that, in the real world.

    I think it was TEC that said she was 30 years old before she gained her confidence. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but that's when it happened for me too. Then I had the opposite problem and became hell on wheels, LOL. So, maybe it is a matter of age. One thing I know for certain is that change has to happen slowly over time. You'll get there.

  • RosePetal

    Hi Sd7 Don't give up I have sent you a PM

  • yknot
    I'm just socially underdeveloped.

    Many of us are.....

    Your wife is too.....

    I see her immaturity of social skills and expectations as much as yours (even mine as well)

    We all grew up with ideas. According to the WTS all of the ideas turn into realities by following the WTS regimen......**poof** perfect 50s/early 60's sitcom-esque marriages and families.

    You are doing all you can to provide and create this picture-esque reality.

    And her...... she is blinded by your apostasy...... just as the WTS has trained her to do and it prevents her from seeing or feeling anything else.

    I think she loves you but she is a JW first (at one time you thought like this too).

    Chris..... this is all part of the WTS plan to punish, ruin and break those who don't play by the rules.

    If you want to keep her and have a shot at marital happiness, you will have to get reinstated, you will have to become strategic, you will have to let go of some of the 'nice' guy fairness thing you love so dearly and begin to discern who deserves that quality and who doesn't (wife and most people and cirucmstancs -deserves, WTS-doesn't deserve).

    Honesty and honor have their place........ however they are rationed during Theocratic Warfare.

    Fight Back Chris, fight wife doesn't discern the depth here but if she did, she would want you to defend, honor and protect.

    PMing you too......

  • sherah

    With all do respect to Yknot, who gives really good and loving advice, I don't agree going on a suicide reinstatement mission. You think you are the BOE and your wife's whipping boy now, wait until you have to attend meetings, submit letters and deal with the subtle/overt abuse a DF'd person has to deal with to get back in.

    Your wife is the same person she was before you got DF'd, getting your self-esteem, confidence and pride stomped on for reinstatement will not turn her into the perfect wife.

  • jamiebowers

    Amen, Sherah!

  • garyneal

    I will just comment to say this:

    It sounds to me that SD7 is already bending over backwards for this lady already and she is not willing to meet him halfway. How much more must he do for this lady? Go back and try to get reinstated so that hopefully she will accept him and start treating him with some respect that he deserves? She is suppose to be accepting him for who he is, disfellowshipped or not. If she loves him, she should be trying to 'win him over' by her conduct.

    I think SD7 needs to remain true to himself, if he wasn't happy as a witness, going back isn't going to make things better. His wife needs to get over herself.

  • gubberningbody

    Why did you marry a lunatic?

  • yknot
    I don't agree going on a suicide reinstatement mission.

    let me clarify..

    Emotions are running high in their household.

    The fastest way to regaining her trust and opportunity to 'wake her up' is by reinstatment.

    If I can sit through this crap every week, so can he.

    This is not forever but enough time for him to get her out or come to terms and let go of the situation.

    Even before he writes a letter to the BOE he can start her back on the path by soliciting advice on what and how to write the letter. She will let her guard down because that is what she wants to hear.

    The BOE could even treat him like crap but as long as his wife sees him trying, she will be supportive. This will give him access to her trusting him to lead the FWN, thus opportunity to plant seeds via leading questions.

    Stagnation = slow death.

    The WTS leads her with a carrot, why shouldn't he....


    Alternate Carrot (SD-7 PAY ATTENTION)

    You sit down with wify.

    Confess, cry and plead love for her.....

    Tell her how much you want yall's family to mend...

    Talk about how stumbled you are....

    Ask for help, if she only 'helped' you , you could see the light in what is now darkness....

    Suggest a WTS review to strenghten and lead you back.... pull out Russell pubs, make a couple's FWN. Read and discuss chronologically all the pubs you can find as if they were freaking manna from heaven....

    If she gets discouraged say it is the only way and you can't do it alone..... quote matt 18:20

    (Matthew 18:20) . . .. 20 For where there are two or three gathered together in my name, there I am in their midst.”

  • sherah
    The fastest way to regaining her trust and opportunity to 'wake her up' is by reinstatment.

    She did not trust him then and she probably won't trust and respect him in the future. Their issues are deeper than the JW thing, reinstatement will not solve them. It will only serve to further humiliate him. The reinstatement process is spiritual abuse IMO. His state of mind and esteem will not hold up to that and dealing with her.

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