Why should I have to sign a letter saying I want to disassociate ?

by troubled mind 84 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • BANE

    Tell them you are now an apostate. Believe me, they will leave you alone. Because you ARE an apostate now by talking bad about them AND organization procedures.

  • isaacaustin

    Again Bane, thank you for your contributions to www.Jehovahs-Witness.net

    Is your father trying to come back to the JW (Is he seeking reinstatement)?

  • mrsjones5

    Because you ARE an apostate now by talking bad about them AND organization procedures.

    Talking about how poorly one has and is being treated by the elders does not make one apostate. Not talking about it and letting it happen is being a doormat.

    How Not To Be A Doormat

    Sometimes in life people walk all over you.

    For no apparent rhyme or reason and despite youre good intentions, they just run rough-shod over you, doing whatever they want in the way they want, as long as they get what they want.

    If you’re sick and tired of being a doormat, here’s how to stop.

    Value Yourself

    When someone else devalues you there’s a fair chance that you’re not valuing yourself. If you’re giving away stuff for free, whether it’s cookies, favours or love, it’s easy to perceive it as having no value. It’s easy to throw something away that didn’t cost you anything, no matter the true value.

    So it starts with you placing appropriate value on who you are and what you do. You have to invest in yourself; even if that investment is made purely on faith.

    Find the traces of gold that are woven through you. Locate the rich wells that you can tap into. Start to recognise the things you have at your core that are immeasurably valuable, use those things if you haven’t been using them, and inch by inch your investment will blossom.

    So, do you think you deserve to be treated badly? Or do you feel worthy enough to be treated with respect and consideration?

    Teach Them What’s Acceptable

    A long time ago I heard Dr Phil say “You teach people how to treat you.” In other words, by your response to someone else’s behaviour you teach them what is and isn’t acceptable; by your communication you let other people know what manner of communication you expect in return.

    People are dumb like that, they’ll do what works until they have evidence that it doesn’t work

    If the person treating you like a doormat has learned previously that it’s acceptable to do what they’re doing, they’ll keep on doing it. People are dumb like that, they’ll do what works until they have evidence that it doesn’t work .

    If your response to their behaviour is to smooth things over, try to ignore it or accept it, you’re teaching them that their behaviour is acceptable. All the time you’re rolling over and taking it you’re making it easy for them to believe their behaviour is okay. If it’s damaging your self-esteem and self-confidence their behaviour is not okay – you need to teach them that through your responses.

    Reset their expectations clearly and unambiguously to let them know that you expect to be treated with respect.

    Stop Pleasing Everyone

    Are you a people-pleaser? Do you find yourself always on the go, doing things for other people in an effort to see a smile on their face or hear a “thank you”?

    Stop it.

    People pleasing is not a selfless act, it’s a selfish one

    There’s nothing wrong with doing things for others, except when the price for doing so is your own self-esteem. People pleasing is not a selfless act, it’s a selfish one . It’s about trying to make yourself feel good by receiving positive attention from others. It’s about trying to be validated.

    You can’t be a bottomless pit for people. You only have so much energy to give and once it’s gone it’s starts costing you in self-esteem.

    Stop pleasing everyone else, and start doing what pleases you.

    Stand Up for Yourself

    Being a doormat means you’re not used to standing up for yourself – you’re used to maintaining the equilibrium and trying your darndest to not rock the boat. So I get that the prospoect of standing up for yourself can be a scary one. It feels difficult, and sometimes it feels terrifying.

    But despite how difficult and scary it might feel you have the right to be treated with respect and consideration, and you have the ability to assert yourself. The moment you think you need to forgo those rights to maintain the status-quo is the moment you decide to continue damaging your self-confidence.

    Being assertive simply means calmly and confidently knowing what matters to you and asking other people to respect that.

    Standing up for yourself means that you’re likely to be operating right at the edge or past the edge of your comfort zone, so it will feel uncomfortable. You haven’t been here before, but just because it’s uncomfortable doesn’t mean you can’t do it, and itdoesn’t mean you’re not confident. You still have confidence and you can still apply confidence. You still have some amazing things to help you that are hard-wired in your brain and you have the ability to connect with what allows you to push yourself.

    Trust those things, and assertion follows.

    Don’t Do it Alone

    Always remember that you don’t have to do this by yourself. Sometimes, before you tackle the situation it’s helpful to get input from outside.

    This could be a family member, a mutual friend, your partner, your best friend, a friend at work, a respected colleague, an approachable manager or even (if necessary) someone in HR.

    See just how much your story is colouring your experience and judgement

    The whole point of getting help is to allow you to step back and see another perspective. It’s a way of getting fresh input to see just how much your story is colouring your experience and judgement , or if your thinking is right on target. Talking to someone else can help you to define the problem as well as the solution, and you may find new ways of tackling this by talking with someone outside of your direct situation.

    What’s important is to find someone who’ll listen. People might be shocked to hear about what’s been happening and might want to leap into action to help (which is to be admired), but sometimes it’s just about being heard. You don’t need them to fix things and you don’t need them to do anything. What’s valuable is to state your experience and possibly to explore what the options are.

    Don’t Lower Your Expectations

    Turning this around is hard, I understand that, and there might be times when you feel like it’s easier to just keep quiet and get on with things as they have been.

    Before you go down that road however, be crystal clear on the true cost of keeping things as they are. How will you feel in 6 months time? How about a year? 3 years?

    Don’t fool yourself that continuing to be treated as a doormat is a way of minimizing stress

    I like a stress-free life as much as the next guy, but don’t fool yourself that continuing to be treated as a doormat is a way of minimizing stress or difficulty. In fact, lowering your expectations to the point where it becomes okay for you to be treated badly is immeasurably more stressful and damaging than the bad treatment itself.

    The cost of lowering your expectations and deciding to put up with being treated badly is too high for anyone. You need to be completely honest about your motivations and acutely aware of the cost of your decisions.

    http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2010/06/not-be-a-doormat/ Troubled Mind and her hubby are not doormats.

  • isaacaustin

    Bane, sounds like you and your family in the org do not value yourselves. As the WT would say, Bane you are a valueless thing! LOL

  • Leprechaun

    Your question: " I don't understand why the Elders want this letter so badly ....For one I don't remember signing a contract to become a Jehovah's Witness ,why do I need to resign ? "

    You are absolutely right, you don’t need to do squat concerning quitting the Jehovah’s Witnesses. All you have to do is stop going to the meetings, you owe them nothing, it was all completely voluntary on your part anyway, they have no legal hold on you, only in your mind is all.

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