It's official--I'm out.

by sd-7 88 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mary

  Quillsky said:I'll be going against the opinion flow here, so I've already put on my bullet-proof vest.

  As well you should. Quillsky, I can't imagine what prompted you to write such a pathetic, disgusting response to a man who has just lost his wife to that stinking, rotten cult, but maybe you should stop and actually THINK before you write something like that again. Your judgmental attitude towards sd-7 and your incredibly rude remark to Jaimebowers makes you look like an asshole of the first order and I think you owe both of them an apology.

  sd-7, you did the right thing. Your experience can be added to the tens of thousands of families that the Slobbering Body Members have broken up and destroyed, all in the name of 'loyalty to Mother'. Your mother's comment that you have been "left with nothing" is a typical psychological mandate that they like to use (whether consciously or subconsciously) to make you feel all alone in the world. You stood your ground (and you know you're not alone) and basically said 'No, I'm not a victim and no I'm not alone'. I just wish everyone were as strong as you.
• 

  sd-7

  Thanks, Mary. I'm surprised to find that this really happened to me. I'm so used to being pushed around that I never imagined I would take a stand like this. I mean, I suppose I did have a choice, and could've backed down, but...I really did reach a point where it was unbearable. My belief that this religion isn't the true one is something I'm willing to stake my life on.

  The peculiar irony of it all is that we were taught all the time to be different, to be unconventional, to stand alone even when everybody else seems to be on the right path. And when the chips were really down, so many just ended up with a 'follow-the-crowd' mentality. I always believed in having a moral code that was separate from any group's ideas. Because I believe there is a moral code that is pure instinct in us all--we can inherently look at a situation and see injustice, see wrongs that need to be righted.

  So I wasn't necessarily afraid of being alone. My mom said that, but...if I'm alone and it's because of pursuing truth, I'd rather be alone. There were thoughts even in the back of her mind that this could be a cult. Certainly when they give you a mysterious instruction and you're supposed to blindly obey, that's got to be a warning sign.

  I've got something--and it's not just Internet friends or whatever. I have my mind back. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders once it all became clear. I think, looking back, it was worth every sacrifice, to get that. If I offered this choice to myself in the past, I know I would have made the same decision. Because it's better to know, to question orders, than to go along with them and pay the price of your conscience.

  I never thought of it as taking courage, though. For me, it was just the logical end result of a series of abuses. Figured something was wrong, just never imagined all my instincts could be so thoroughly confirmed. But...I think I've said it all before. Perhaps will suffice.
• 

  Quillsky

  Please accept my unreserved apologies, sd-7 and jamiebowers.

  I'd like to give two explanations (not excuses for being rude, just clarifications). Firstly, using the word "afterglow" didn't have sexual intent, although I can understand how it was interpreted in that way. It was a clumsy metaphorical reference to the way one excuses the words or actions of a fellow poster that you feel closer to after having spoken to or met them, or even just having communicated more personally with them by PM. I've done it, met people in real life or become close to them in some way, and then their posts take on a more "warm and fuzzy" feeling for me afterwards.

  Secondly, I was thinking about another thread (or two or three maybe) where you, sd-7, were speaking quite a bit about sort of hoping your wife of 3 or 4 months would leave you. I put myself in your wife's shoes and felt extremely sad for her, still do, and it painted a poor portrait of you in my eyes. Then Jamie supported you a lot on that thread, and I felt she was trying to excuse the inexcusable - a young marriage needs both partners to be working together, not having the man think of how to escape it so early on.

  With my bulletproof jacket still on, I apologize to both of you for pain, anger, discomfort and annoyance that my hastily typed words caused.

  (And I'm not a 20 year old boy, if anyone cares.)
• 

  ParadiseCircus

  That was beautiful sd-7. Kudos to you for freeing yourself!
• 

  sd-7

  Didn't catch this apology, thank you Quillsky. You know, I've said lots of things I shouldn't have about my marriage, I admit that. But I'm still here, trying to make it work. Sometimes my sadness over all that's happened has gotten the better of me. I think that's pretty human. But I've not given up on my marriage, and I'm not looking for escape routes. I just felt like I let her down with all of this. I know she'd be pretty hurt if she knew about many of my thoughts, and I can only try to make up for my weaknesses by hanging in there with her and being a support to her, which is what I've done and will continue to do.

  Never going to get it right, but I'm not giving up.
• 

  sd-7

  Perhaps, too, we are forgetting just what kind of emotional distress finding out you've been in a cult your entire life can do. Knowing that the person closest to you doesn't believe a word you say? I would think anyone might wish for some relief from that situation, whether it's right or proper or not. From her perspective, I certainly agree that this is extremely painful to go through. And a lot of people in her shoes would've left me by now. So I respect her a lot for staying and wanting to work through this.

  I have not threatened to leave, I have invited her to stay in the hopes that we can work through our problems. And because I love her. But you know, I don't have to explain myself, really. It's my business to take care of. Shouldn't have brought it up here anyway, so that's my dumbness.
• 

  Farkel

  :No matter my beliefs, I should go along with this religion until Jehovah decides to 'fix' the situation.

  I've often wondered about the JWs ability to think when they say those words. Typically, they don't think to ask a vitally important question about their religion: "Why would Jehovah allow people He personally directs to get into ANY situation that He has to end up "fixing", since He is the one in charge in the first place?"

  God is either "directing" this group or He isn't. It is inconceivable that God would be "half-assed" in His direction of a group that is supposedly the group that is the only hope for all of humanity.

  Unless He is a "half-assed" God, that is. If that is the case, it's time to look for a new God.

  Farkel
• 

  anewme

  You are doing so well! You will be fine. You are growing exponentially every hour you are free!

  Keep writing your thoughts. They are very good. Very healthy.

  Anewme
• 

  LongHairGal

  SD-7,

  I wish you all the best in your journey out of the religion. Your story is interesting. I do have to comment on the statement your relative made about how you supposedly will 'have nobody - except people on a computer'. Don't let this get you down. You can and WILL make new flesh and blood friends in real life.

  Well, when I was active in the religion towards the end of my stay there, there was one Sunday after the meeting was over and I was standing in the front of the hall watching people talking to each other. I looked around at all the little cliques and extended families and I realized that I absolutely, positively, did not fit in. I wanted to cry. This was one of many rude awakening moments.

  Never mind about incorrect teachings, etc. I just DID NOT fit in. Any so-called acquaintances I had there were no better than being just a hologram on the wall as far as I was concerned. Except for maybe three kind old souls, these people weren't my friends after the meetings and we never got together and they weren't interested in my life and these were people I saw for many years! Mind you, this was when I was active and associating.

  Yes, I was around 'flesh and blood' people at the hall but what did it matter in a practical sense to me? Absolutely nothing.