by minimus 53 Replies latest jw friends
Many Witnesses got married at a young age (because they felt they had to). You can't sin, right?
Some people get married and for years, are very happy. And a few stay that way but it seems the majority want to change their lives by either getting divorced or finding somebody different or even becoming single.
Honestly, would you have done anything different in your life regarding marrying??
Yes. In the last few months my attitude to marriage has completely changed.
I certainly won't be insisting that my kids get married when they decide to leave the nest.
Daughter (now 33) has been in an out of several relationships, not married. Her mother and I are both glad she didn't marry any of them.
My son (24) is living with his significant other. We really like and they are a perfect fit. Right now getting through college is more important for both of them.
Oldest son is on his second marriage, his first father in law spent about 25K on the wedding.
Their happiness is much more important than a piece of paper or ceremony.
I have learned that nothing should be placed above dedication and attention to the marriage and family, least of all an organization of men, so-called "spiritual privileges", meeting parts, KH responsibilities, etc.
I didn't get married too young... I waited. There are some things I wished I done different but I don't regret who I ended up with nor do I want to end that relationship. I've worked hard to slowly try to free my wife from the mental hold the WTS has on her. Sometimes I make progress, sometimes it slips. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother with what I've gone through.
If, by some chance, I ended up single, I would not re-marry. Not that I'm too old or wouldn't want to be in a relationship but I think I would like to have it on different terms. An acquaintance of mine is in a serious relationship...not married though. And he never will be. He maintains his house, she maintains hers. They travel together, they spend many weekends together, but then they spend time apart. I see him out by himself and then I'll see them together. I like their setup. And they both love it. They had their own lives before they met and didn't want to give up certain aspects of it, so they came up with the arrangement. Makes a lot of sense. If I was to end up single, I'd want that kind of deal.
I seriously believe that being raised a JW can affect your decisions about marriage, in a negative way. I know many miserable JW married couples and many 30something JW couples have separated in the last few years. It seems that most people do not enjoy marriage for a LIFETIME.
If I was never a witness, I would probably not be interested in marriage but to see different women.
I would encourage my children to wait until they're a little older than I was to get married - if they want to get married that is.
I married and divorced as a witness and I can say that my views have completely changed, especially since leaving the borg. Too often people look to this other person to be their source of happiness and that is extremely unrealistic and puts an enormous pressure on the marriage. In order to have a truly happy marriage, you have to know how to find happiness and contentment within yourself first.
It's also worth noting that among witnesses there is an unusually high amount of scandalous behavior - to a degree I've never experienced in the 'world'. That's saying something about the general discontent among witnesses and to me, it's very telling.
I seriously believe that being raised a JW can affect your decisions about marriage, in a negative way.
I agree. I think I was fortunate to have been a little older and mature by the time I married, though if I had it to over with what I know now, I would approach it different.
But the whole JW mindset basically sets you up to fail at marriage. First you can't date normally so by the time you're 18 to 20 you're not thinking lifetime of marriage or children or retirement or sickness...you just wanna get laid.
Then you're programmed to look forward to the 'new system' in a short period so your conditioned to not thinking about growing old together. She's gonna stay slim and hot, he's gonna stay buff and strong and you'll be in the paradise with perfect bodies. But then you get older and you wonder what happened. And you pine for the days of being young because you were promised that you'd be through Armageddon by now.
You didn't go to college and then you didn't save for retirement. So you kill yourself to make ends meet, to pay the medical bills and to make it to all the JW stuff.
Then in some cases, one partner says 'fuckitall' to the JW lifestyle while the other one remains steadfast in their faith.
I can only name a few people still together who got married around the same time period I did. The divorce rate among all the JWs I've seen married over the last twenty years is as high, if not higher, than people I know outside the JW world.
