Thanks everyone. I have an appointment with my Dr this morning to get a referral for a therapist.
Quillsky - under the circumstances yes I felt like it was the only thing to do.
I had been trying to work on my marriage for a long time. I was crying out to my husband and he wasn't listening. I told him I was depressed, he did nothing. I asked to see a therapist, he said no. I told him there were problems in the marriage, he told me there weren't. I was extremely depressed and he would do nothing to help me emotionally, and was the type of person who felt that just ignoring the problem would make it go away. His parents moved into our house and were causing all sorts of problems. I found out that my ex was talking to me about them and "agreeing" with me just so it would shut me up and he was going to them and telling them to ignore me because I had problems.
I was extranged from my family at the time and hadn't seen them in over 6 months. They were extremely manipulative and have always blamed me for everything.
I was sick of seeing the two facedness of witnesses - especially my inlaws who would be super nice to people and then say horrible horrible things behind their back. Family get togethers with the ex's side would end up being bash fests on the brothers. Meanwhile my inlaws weren't working by choice and would judge other brothers for not giving them money.
I had no true friends - I only had fairweather friends who decided that because the ex wasn't an MS that we weren't good enough.
Not to mention I always knew I didn't want to be a witness all my life but had been too scared to leave.
I didn't think before doing what I did. I was desperate and angry and I snapped. I knew my family, I knew if I just left the EX that they would manipulate me to coming back and I would be so weak that I would. i did something to get myself DF'd so that they WOULD cut me out of their lives and I wouldn't have to deal with that manipulation any longer.
I asked the EX what he'd do if I said I didn't want to be a JW and he told me he'd have forced me to study with the elders.
There was SO much going on. Looking back it was the absolute wrong thing to do, however at the time I snapped and did the only think I knew how *then*. I really wish I found this website before because I'm sure I would have handled it differantly but at the time, I knew no other way.