Need some support

by ~Jen~ 52 Replies latest jw friends

  • The Berean
    The Berean

    Jen: This is going to come from right field ...

    Marquita is dying of cancer. She is terribly ill from the chemo.While I love her, that is of little consolation. Her Mother and Father have past and her ex-husband left her brokenhearted. She is lonely She can't talk well and is trying hard to br positive. So, while you may be in distress because of what others say ... I hope you have enough health to realize maybe it's all relative and not so bad ...

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Living well is the best anti-Witness.

    When you're feeling down, like all normal humans do, vent here. Try not to let them see even a glimpse of unhappiness in your life. Any shred of misery on your part is like enriched uranium for their anti-world reactor.

    You've got a tough road ahead. Wishing you strength, growth and healing.


  • Michelle365

    I totally agree with Open Mind. I always make sure the my life is AMAZING when I'm with or talking to JWs. lol. I don't wanna hear --well you have problems because you left Jah!

  • misguided

    Jen...I don't post much either, but I feel the need to respond to you.

    My JW ex husband did/said similar things to me when I left the a-hole. (Actually, he said/did so much (threatening/harrassing) that he ended up getting a 30 day sentence and 1 year of probation for what he did/said to us) My parents did/said similar things to me when I left the a-hole. The JWs in my life did/said similar things to me when I left the a-hole.

    In the end, it was the best thing I ever could have done. I'm in awe myself that my life has changed so much for the better - because I believed that JW mentality that if I left the JWs only bad things would happen to me because Jehovah would turn his back on me.

    That was about 9-10 years ago. All my kids (6 of them) so far have turned out to happy, well-adjusted, non-JW human beings (ages 22, 21, 19, 18, 17, 13.) 4 have graduated from highschool. All of them are doing better than I would ever have expected. It's hard for my parents to take that their df'd daughter raised better kids, mostly as a single mom, than some JW 2-parent families whose kids have ended up on drugs, became teen parents, or worse. My oldest daughter went to university, became a RN, and just bought her first home. I am now married to an awesome ("worldly") guy who treats me and the kids so unbelievably well. It's been 5 years that I've been with him. As well as being a terrific husband, he's brought financial security into my world. He's also brought family, real family, into our world.

    It drives my parents/ex-husband crazy to see us successful. I see JWs from my old KH regularly through my work. They've stopped making comments to me about how I should come back to Jehovah. I think it's because they see me happy, active, and successful. I'm no longer a depressed, running-in-the-hamster-wheel JW. I am no longer working at Wendys, because I went back to college even though my family/jws were against it and told me so. I've been happily employed for almost 10 years now. I'm no longer driving an old, unreliable mini-van to the KH, like my ex-husband is now...I could go on...

    My point is, YES! It does get better! Better than even you think possible.

    ((Hugs)) on your's going to be a roller coaster ride. Stay strong, stay focused...and know you've made the right choice. Your kids will see the "truth" in the end.


  • ~Jen~

    Thanks so much.

    Can anyone tell me how to send a PM? I'm having trouble.

  • AllTimeJeff

    Hit on the name of any poster here, it will take you to a screen where one of the buttons says "Send Message" Hit that and type away! :)

  • nelly136

    it wouldnt have mattered if you left through smoking, turning apostate or some other reason.

    there is no honourable way of leaving. it wouldn't matter how valid your reasons are.

    you'd still be the bad guy and that would be all

    that they would want to see. its the way theyre conditioned to think of anyone who leaves.

  • AllTimeJeff
    there is no honourable way of leaving.

    So true, and that is by design. It is a built in mechanism to ensure that anyone who leaves is always viewed as a deluded, selfish, Satan worshiping moron. It builds fear into the congregation, and tears you down as well.

    The GB is insidious.

  • leec

    I think the essential issue here is that they (the parents, ex, etc) are doing an excellent job making you feel bad. It is natural to move away from what makes us feel bad, even if there is nothing especially good to move towards. Lack of pain is a net positive gain over continued pain.

    I'm bringing up this simple cause/effect aspect of it because I've been thinking about this regarding my own issues with getting involved with someone of the JW faith. I've been realizing that as they move deeper into this religion, if I draw closer to them my pain increases. If I distance myself, my pain decreases. Similar principle to the hand/stove reaction, only more difficult to learn.

  • Butterflyleia85

    Good points have been said here on your post Jen! and I just wanted to give you a hug and say you have support here!

    Sorry our ex and family are giving you such a hard time. You sound like a loving mom and just you puring out your feelings like this shows you are a caring person inside. Don't let your family get to you like that, you did what you thought was best at the time and you may have made mistakes but the only true mistake is not learning or understanding why... they only see what is on the outside picture and only judge you on your actions without true understanding. But you know in your heart who you are, never loose that and continue adding to that good person you are inside.

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