Next on the menu.....Anthropogenic Pole Shift!!
National Geographic: North Magnetic Pole Moving Due to Core Flux
I, Besty the undersigned, have discussed this with Villabobo and the Goracle and we have now reached consensus that this shift of Gaia's magnetic field is totally anthropogenic, since we do not know of anything else that can cause it. Pretty hockey stick charts shall be forthcoming.
Clearly it is because of all the man-made metal on the North American continent deflects the magnetic field.
It is a well known fact that Gaia's magnetic field is the only thing that protects us from harmful cosmic radiation from the sun and the stars. Hadley CRU's computer models show that if the magnetic pole shifts significantly we will experience catastrophic levels of cosmic radiation with large scale extinctions of species, failed crops, increases in cancer, leukemia and other radiation related diseases, famine, war, pestilence, cosmic radiation refugee crises and other nondescript apocalyptic conditions. Testicular shrinkage and epic hemmorrhoids are also likely.
We must take action immediately. I, Besty and the all the most eminent Magnetologists, including Villabobo will draft a consensus document for the United Nations suggesting that all metal be transferred from the North American continent to the Asian and African continents. This includes all automobiles, power pylons, industrial plants and small home appliances.
The North American Continent must repay its Magnetic Debt to the Asian and African peoples. It is clear that since the people of North America have caused this disastrous shift in the magnetic field, but that the people of Asia and Africa will suffer most of the deadly consequences, that we owe a large debt, which will probably run into thousands of trillions of dollars, to said people. We are on the verge of extinction and there is little we can do about it except raise taxes dramatically and impose Socialist reforms.
We have less than ten years to save the world! The lives of endangered smurfs and gang-raping cetacea hang in the balance.
Love, Besty and Villabobo (aka Comrade Arcosanti Village Idiot)
PS: We shall be addressing Anthropogenic Continental Drift and Anthropogenic Mayan Apocalypse in future documents.