To Ex-JWs: Do You Regret Learning it Was a Lie?

by leavingwt 116 Replies latest jw friends

  • inbetween

    good question, i asked myself many times:

    not sure, what is better, but the real question is: are we all morally entitlet to know the truth ?

    I think we all are, but living in an illusion can at times be easier.

    However, for me personally, its a 2-edged sword. On the one hand, I feel no more guilt about not doing enough, not being the super-dub like others, about recreational activities, about work-decisions etc.

    This is a great relief, I do not regret.

    On the other hand, while still in, there are a lot of problems arising, how long can you support something on the outside, while on the inside you are far gone ?

    Sometimes I do wish, i never knew.....but its only sometimes...

  • nugget

    No. It has been painful and confusing I no longer have a sense of certainty about things but a lie is still a lie. It was also a dangerous lie I made poor choices because of it and may have made life threatening ones in the future. My children were marginalised and made to feel isolated from their peer group and missed out on so many things. This was not a benevolent dreamworld we lived in but a cult with all the downsides. I am grateful to the board and my husband for making me break through the conditioning.

  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland

    AllTimeJeff, you said you didn't want to interfere with the journey I'm on but I want you to interfere. I want to change my thoughts because I'm in a dark place. There was security in the watchtower world view... for awhile, until I realized I couldn't make it work for me. That's what leads me to believe it may not be true... the truth should work for everyone, right? Going from thinking I knew the truth and having a hope to realizing I don't know anything and have no hope is terrifying for me. You've gone from a Gilead graduate and missionary to another place that's working for you. That is the direction I want to go too. Right now I don't feel like I'm on a journey but stuck in one place. I need another philosophy or mental framework to rebuild my life around. That's what I look for.

  • AllTimeJeff

    Hi Paul. I will give some thought to your post and contribute what I honestly feel I can.

    I really want you to dig your way out of where you are. I am rooting for you. I want you to know though, as you are learning now, that this is a process. Even the best advice given, even if it is perfect advice, oftentimes falls short simply because we all need have things make sense to us.

    I can tell you with confidence that one thing JW dogma has taken from you is your confidence. I dare say we all battle this to one extent or another. Confidence in ourselves has a code word in JW speak: pride.

    So one thing I will tell you off the top is this, you are used to viewing any strong point of view, any opinion you have, any sense of you as an individual as inordinate pride that displeases Jehovah. What this does is cause a person to become dependent on the GB. The truth is, that is something all cults do, rob you of you.

    It's hard to see when you are newly seperated from the JW's. Over time, I feel confident that as you work through these things, as you need to do, you will see that aspect of it similarly.

    Be patient with yourself. I have a feeling the answers are already inside you, waiting to be discovered, not learned.

    More soon. :)

  • believingxjw



    What is good for people here may not be good for you. Remember, many people find validation in converting others. That's true for JWs and exJWs as well. Stop coming here and spend time in those places that bring you peace. The parks, the beach, with family or having a quiet cup of coffee in your car. Whatever the place that brings you quiet comfort go there and think about things yourself. No one here can give you what you seek. No one here has all the answers to life.

    But you have the answers to what brings you peace. Seek peace, Paul. There is no peace among people who always look back.

  • AllTimeJeff
    Going from thinking I knew the truth and having a hope to realizing I don't know anything and have no hope is terrifying for me.


    Hope is a powerful thing. I don't want to be too profound, or comment too much as if I knew the answers you seek. All I have to offer, as most people when it comes to "conclusions", are opinions.

    Paul, it seems you respect my opinion and others here. But remember something about our conclusions, we all did a certain amount of mining for them. We weren't always where we were. In short, I was, like many here, where you are now.

    There is a certain amount of "respecting the process" that you must have faith in. Mouthy mentioned some therapy. Did you know I have had therapy too, and it has helped immensely.

    You mention that you no longer have hope. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians where Paul said that three things remain, faith, hope and love, and the greatest is love.

    I agree with that. Before you can have faith and hope, you must love others. To be self absorbed too much means you aren't thinking of others enough, and if you isloate yourself, there can be no hope.

    I realize I am telling on myself by saying that. I feel I am too self absorbed. I use this board to work some things out in my head. (still) I am learning to refocus some of my contemplation and introspection on others. I am trying to get involved with my community. I couldn't have done that when I first left JW's. It took time. It's been over 3 years for me. I can't promise any less time for you. But it does get easier.

    Anyway, realize that hope comes from love. Love others. Forgive yourself first. I know you don't think you are ok the way you are, but you really are. I promise you with all my heart that you are. And as I continue to learn, have faith in the goodness of others, in yourself, and that if you are patient, peace will come your way.

    I promise you this to, though I am no prophet at all, (insert laugh track here) but God loves you too. Like a good parent, he wants you to accept who you are. If you can't believe that now, then can you at least stay open to that possibility? :)

    And hey, from someone who still needs more of it myself, get some therapy. Get some help. Be humble the right way and help yourself by letting others help you.

    Sorry if that wasn't profound, but thats what I have tonight. Hang in there! :-)

  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland

    The reason I come here is not so much that I think I'm going to find the answer here. It's more that it's the only place I have to go where people have some idea of what I'm thinking about. I find it helpful to post a thought and get responses. I will stop coming here some day, but not yet.

  • believingxjw

    "I will stop coming here some day, but not yet."

    This is good, Paul. This place is a stop, a train station, not a destination. Find your own place not that of others.

  • AllTimeJeff

    Thats cool Paul. We do understand to one extent or another....

  • JimmyPage

    First of all, I am so happy to be free of WT mind control. That being said, I wish I could have learned it was a lie while I was still single.

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