Do you regret confessing your sins to the elders?

by asilentone 59 Replies latest jw experiences

  • finding my way
    finding my way

    Yes, when I had gone to the elders as a young teen for smaller things I thought it would help me progress spiritually and it backfired. I was forever considered bad association even when I was being very "good". I felt like I could never be great enough to please everyone. When I was 20 I went for a more serious matter and I felt revictimized but didn't realize that's what had happened until years later. They brushed certain serious things under the rug that had been done to me and yet asked me detailed questions that I find repulsive.

    On the other hand, if I hadn't I might still be a witness and not as happy as I am now ;)


  • pat1060

    Wow,all these experience's sure make you think...maybe my fade should speed up...TRUE BLUE,you sure are right.....My son was dsf many years ago,and they wont let him make any progress.Maybe he will wake up...

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    I regret it! They have no right to know my personal life!

  • stillin

    very sad stuff, indeed. I thought owning up to my mistake would be the manly thing to do. Confession is good for the soul, get it off my chest and all that. Wrong. At least with this bunch here where I live, it was wrong, and now, listening to all of you, it seems to be wrong on a broad scale.

    But it seems that there should actually be such a thing as a true friend. Even my wife can't handle any old mistakes. It's as though I had done them yesterday to her, and if she gets wound up really tight, I'll be hearing all about them all over again, just like the "society" and their file-keeping.

    Whatever happened to confidential talk? I, for my part, have heard many a tale, including ones from elders personal lives, and I'll carry them quietly to my grave. I'm grateful that somebody loved and trusted me enough to talk. But then, it's not my JOB to listen.

  • never_again

    I regret having anything to do with JW's but if I hadn't confessed and subsequently "witnessed" (sorry) how the elders are more concerned with details than anything else I wouldn't have left as soon as I did.

  • the real life
    the real life

    Absolutely. I think it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I thought I was doing the right thing, as we all did, but it was a huge mistake. I was reproved, and really probably should have been disfellowshipped because I wasn't sincere in being "repentant". It took me years to fully understand why I had made the choices I made, so being put in a situation where you are expected to demonstrate some kind of clear understanding of your reasoning and a course of immediate action isn't very natural. Talking about it with people who cared about my well-being was helpful to me in other settings, but the "back room" setting is nothing but noxious.

    I was confessing adultery, and they asked that my husband be present since he was the spiritual "head". I think divulging the details of adultery in front of the victim is horrendous and I'll never understand why they thought that would be beneficial for anyone. I think this confession business hurt my ex-husband far more permanently than it hurt me. And I also think that certain elders have a prurient interest in the details, which is disgusting.

    It's another case where uneducated men with little life experience are serving where trained professionals (or at least someone who actually cares for you) ought to be.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Not really. I was a perfect JW until my early twenties. Then became a "weak" double-lifer for a few years. Then decided to really give it the old college try and lay it all on the line and let God's Hoooly Spirit course through my veins. I went to them on my own terms, matter of factly told them a complete laundry list of various mortal sins I had committed all the way back to the puff on a cigarette I tried when I was an early teen. I wanted to come back to Jehovah. I was truly sincere and there was no need for any extra digging on their part since I laid it all out for them.

    For me, it was a necessary part of my path out of the JWs. I needed to know I had tried it "Jehovah's Way" (tm). Too bad it took half a lifetime to see it for what it is.


  • ferret

    YES !

  • Chalam

    Hi AST,

    Just checking if you got my PM? :)

    All the best,


  • asilentone

    Chalam, I will send you PM soon. Thank you!

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