by AK - Jeff 88 Replies latest jw experiences
Lady Lee said:
In spite of everything your daughter has allowed you to have her children, to raise them, to love them and to protect them from her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knows you will take good care of the children.
That is profound. Great observation.
Thanx LL. Thanx Marvin.
I need to chew on what you said a bit LL.
Jeff
Jeff, I wanted to let you know how much I am still thinking of your family and hope for all the best for you all. I know what a burden on your hearts that all of this is. Not to mention your wallets, your patience and your sanity:) My heart is with you.
Dear Jeff,
You know that I am raising my grandson Julian, by myself. Something a dear friend from high school said to me recently. "I think when we get to the end of our lives, it's the things we did for other people that will matter the most."
A wise priest told me, "All things will be reconciled in heaven." I believe this. Your daughter's fate was likely very poor the day she was conceived. At least she had some real love from you, even if she is too ill to understand it now. Only God knows what has driven her to act out the way she has. Many parents, all across America, and some of the rest of the world, have kids' whose lives have been ruined by gangs and drugs. There is a lot of fellow feeling for you and your wife and your grandchildren. And there is a lot of concern for your daughter. Who knows what her mother did while she was pregnant with her.?
I know this is heartbreaking. My daughter's story pales in comparison to your daughter's story. She still has broken my heart many times. I will say that when you are raising an at risk child, JW values and control work against you and your child, not for you. Someday, some old, gray men from Bethel are going to be sentenced to a lot of community service, in the hereafter. I am confident they will be made to know the suffering they have caused and to make up for it. They assisted a lot of us well meaning, loving parents in making life very heartbreaking for heartbroken kids.
Wow. Nothing like reading this to make you realize you don't have problems. I feel like such a whiner.
Much respect,
WLG
Oh lordie Jeff.......I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you can't blame yourself. No, being raised a Dub isn't ideal, but like others have brought out, that's probably not what has caused your daughters' behaviour. I believe there are some people that are just born with something missing in them---the ability to love and your statement that she never 'fell in love' with you guys as her parents seems to indicate that she's one of those people. Her inability to follow any sort of rules set out in society also speaks volumes and has brought her to the unfortunate situation in which she now finds herself.
You did the best you could and this is not your fault. I know it's very hurtful, but you are to be commended for raising your grandkids the way you are. And while I completely understand your wish that you guys perhaps had a bit more freedom at your age, I can honestly say that in this respect I envy you. I wasn't able to have any children and I will never have grandchildren or go and watch them play baseball or football, or see them in a play, or take them Christmas caroling. And that is a lonely thought.
Keep your chin up. It can be very difficult to do when life hands us lemons, but if we add some sugar and water, things can turn out maybe better than we thought.
i'll be honest, with your daughter being resentful toward authority, the whole JW thing was probably unhelpful, but i'd be more inclined to blame it on a whole host of other things.
Firstly, whether she was given up for adoption or had been taken away by social services, its possible her biological parents were unsavoury characters too, her mother may have drank heavily and taken drugs during pregnancy which can do a lot of damage, resulting in behavioural problems and mental illness at best.
Secondly, despite your best efforts you were probably fighting a losing battle in your case at least. Some adopted children can be resentful toward any display of love or affection and taking into account my first point you have a lethal cocktail.
Thirdly, once you become involved with drug dealers and the like you become trapped in a nasty space. One that doesn't easily let go, if you don't wish to try anyway then chances are your only going to spiral deeper.
You and your Wife are not to blame, but from your post that will provide little comfort when your concerned about the safety of your family. I wish you all the best.
Of course it isn't your fault that your daughter came to you with built in, profound problems and challenges. If she was going to have a chance, which she probably didn't, you tried very hard to give it to her. What Lady Lee said about your daughter is true, even if your daughter never tells you so. I hope you are feeling a little better.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((A K Jeff)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
My heart truly goes out to you .......bless you for all the love and patience you have shown.
You must indeed be a strong person.... A wonderful example for us in what being a real man is all about.
Your suffering comforts us in assuring us of what a person can bear . ...all the best to you good buddy
