Layin' some heavy stuff on ya' (page 3)

quietlyleaving

your daughter sounds bad and seems to work against hereself all the time including everyone she is supposed to love and those who can help. I'm glad you guys are surviving and that you have grandchildren who are responsive.

compound complex

Wishing you a measure of peace, Jeff ...

This sounds all too familiar and very close to home. Tragedy was the outcome for us. As a result, I feel your pain - deeply. Your conclusion is correct: after all is said and done, nothing else matters. Thanks for reminding us of so basic a truth.

Best wishes,

CoCo

lola28

Jeff,

You and your wife got a bad egg, I agree with Six odds are she has some sort of mental illness and needs more help than what you and your wife can give her. She is thirty and a felon and honestly the odds of her seeing the light are slim to none, she is where she deserves to be. Enjoy your grand chilren, do what's best for them and wash your hands clean of your daughter. You did your best and that's all anyone can ask of you.

Lola

LouBelle

Hey there AK - Jeff & Wife (and grand kiddies)

It's difficult for me to relate as I've never had to go through such difficulties. What you are doing for your grandchildren is wonderful - they are blessed to have you in their lives. In every situation, no matter how bad, I always try find some good - and those grandchildren are the good.

As for your daughter - it is extremely sad, that even with loving parents a child can choose to lash out, even violently, however as she has grown, she has come to know that there are consequinces for her actions, and there is a price to pay....she has still chosen a path that is destructive.

Peace to you and yours.

Lou x

JWdaughter

Jeff, none of her years have been or will be, productive. The children are better off without hearing from or knowing of her.

This has happened in my family, a cousin who messed with people's lives until she finally dropped out of sight altogether about 20 years ago-after making nutso accusations regarding me, an uncle, various friends and every 'official' she could defame. It isn't you, and probably not even her birth parents-some people are just born wrong. Some have physical issues, hers is worse-it is character and mental. I know because of how close I am to her parents and her siblings and I have seen the swath of destruction she left in her path. Your daughter is your heartbreak, I'm sorry this is happening. She might be lucky to MAKE it to 40 at all. I hope you are able to continue to bless those children. If you haven't had parental rights removed, now might be the time.

Narkissos

Wow. I'm very sorry to read that Jeff. Some people only stop when they are stopped. It's a good thing she was. Focus on the grand-kids and your life but don't lose hope.

Re: BlackSheep, there are always other sides to a story; unfortunately they neither add nor subtract, they are other stories.

finding my way

Jeff,

I'm so sorry you and your wife have had to go through so much! I can't even imagine. My Mother was adopted and she had/has some major issues that had nothing to do with my wonderful grandparents that raised her. I'm sure you already know but it may be nice to be reminded that it's NOT YOUR FAULT! You are great people for caring so much for her and for her children through all of that.

I'll try to send some good vibes your way. ((hug))

~fmy

penny2

What wonderful grandparents you are! So sorry that you have had to go through all this.

penny

AK - Jeff

What kind and sincere words. I appreciate them.

Yes, likely there is mental illness [whatever that is]. I agree that nature vs nuture is probably in full play here too.

And yes BlackSheep, probably our rearing of a person within Jw's who was so mentally [or by dna] inclined added massive fuel to the fire so to speak. However, millions of kids have been reared inside this religion [or other strict sorts of religion or culture] and have not turned into a twin of my daughter. I was reared that way, as was my wife. And while I agree that it sometimes brings out the worse in teenagers, this was so over the top that I doubt it was the key factor. My wife and I have often discussed our opinion that it would not have mattered much if we had raised her Baptist or Catholic or Muslim. In fact, if we had 'forced' any values on her she would likely have rebelled in much the same manner. I mean, what parent can say to their 13 year old daughter, 'just do what you want to do', which in her case was always 'sex, drugs and rock and roll'. Even if we had been totally liberal and allowed her to make adult choices as a kid [something no thoughtful parent could/would do] I wonder the result in her case.

One time I got a glimpse of the future when she was in perhaps 5th grade. In one of the few actual conversations that she participated in with me [it was always one way, me trying to draw her into conversation and her either refusing or making play of it], she said 'We are learning in history about freedom. We don't have freedom in this country, because we still have to obey the laws.' I tried to reason with her on the point of value of law. She shut me out. Her opinion was that only anarchy was freedom. No one should restrict others with law or rules of any sort. Of course at the time I believed this would pass, she would get the reality of law and order in society. But apparently she laid this plank as her platform view in life.

It has been tough. In some ways you folks here have made it easier to deal with than before. When I was Jw I found very few other Jw's willing to show any compassion toward us in this regard. They were so judgemental, calling my daughter evil or shunning us or her during her periods of 'reproof' and after her disfellowshipping. They think only in black and white. They can't get it unless it happens to them. Even then most of them don't get it. I recall going to meetings for months in a funk due to what was going on with our daughter. We would occasionally get a slim statement of concern from an elder - always followed by the standard 'more meetings, service, prayer and study' as the formula for getting more of Jehovah's spirit to endure. They were so busy collecting fs reports and judging others [like us] that they had no time for 'shepherding' us.

Thank you guys for letting me blow off some of the steam last night and this morning. We are doing ok. She long ago ripped our hearts out and shredded them. There's not much feeling there anymore, though that at times brings it's own infusion of guilt. Endless circles chasing our tails.

Peace and Namaste to all.

Jeff

dinah

Hey AKJeff and Wife,

What a tough time you've had. I tend to agree with others, it was just in her nature. If her own Mother abandoned her.............it sounds to me like drug abuse may have been involved while the child was still in the womb.

I feel for you. I'm sure you did all you could possibly do. I've seen kids from stable homes go to prison, and I've seen kids of drug addicts go to college. Alot depends on the kid, I suppose.

The whole JW thing probably didn't help, but I doubt that it hurt. The main reason alot of us born-ins hit a bit of a wild phase is because we believed it and were mad about being lied to and all the opportunities we missed. It seems doubtful that she believed it. There sure are ALOT of grandparents having to raise their grandchildren these days.

It's also sad that you didn't get more support from your congregation. They just labeled her as a bad kid and probably labeled you as a "weak brother". That's just wrong.

My daughters Dad has been in prison since she was about 7 years old. Before then he saw her about every 6-8 months. When she asked I finally had to tell her where he was. I didn't tell her he was there for rape yet, because she was too young. Drugs were involved too. I just told her that her Dad loved her (which is true) but that he has serious problems and left it at that.

Layin' some heavy stuff on ya'

Share this