by Mary 81 Replies latest jw friends

  • shamus100

    Your emotions must be all over the place.

    Don't worry about this silly message board. I'm sure everyone understands.

    Look after yourself kid.

  • dinah

    Mary, so sorry to hear about your BIL's bad news. I can only imagine what you are going through. It's the helplessness that's probably the worst part. You are an action person (to say the least!). The hardest part is being powerless to change anything.

    It's just sad, so sad.

  • steve2

    I've just come home and read this, Mary, and hope you are heartened by all the replies. You've never saidanything to hurt me and I do enjoy reading your posts. It really is hard to bearwhen close family members and friends are suffering and we cannot do much to help allay the suffering. My thoughts are with you. Steve2

  • Mary
    Your emotions must be all over the place.
    It's the helplessness that's probably the worst part.

    These two sentences basically sum up my situation right now. I went to the doctors and told her about all the stress I'm under and she wanted to put me on anti-depressants. Which I refused. I think I need something for anxiety, not depression and anti-depressants scare the hell out of me anyway. I know too many people who have had really bad reactions to them.

    So I'm trying a bit more 'natural' approach.....I'm exercising more, I'm trying to meditate but I'm really lousy at it. Delilah gave me some meditation tapes (CD) so I think I'm going to have to give that another shot.

    My brother in law starts a drug on Monday....I think it's called Vidaza, but his blood counts are too low so he's getting more transfusions, thank god. If anything good has come out of this nightmare, its that they now realize that the Society's ban on blood is horseshit and that it's needlessly killing people. Something that sort of shocked me yesterday was when I was at their house (I'm looking after their cats, feeding them, etc) and I was upstairs making their bed. I just started crying so I opened the drawer on the nightstand next to the bed to get some kleenex and there, beside the kleenex box was a 'worldly' book called Christ the Healer. I was stunned to see this as it's not something that a Witness would normally read. But I think in her desperation, my sister is willing to look outside the box to anything that might possibly save him.

    Thanks so much everyone for all your support and for all the PM's I got. I'll try and keep everyone posted as to what happens.


  • shamus100

    I'm under and she wanted to put me on anti-depressants. Which I refused.

    Good call. Don't EVER EVER EVER let them talk you into that shit. It takes months for that crap to kick in anyways - and there's a reason why you are depressed anyways, and righfully so. It's natural to be depressed right now.

  • Gayle

    Much concern for you and your family at this time. You are doing all you can do for them, being there, supporting them emotionally with love and wisdom.

  • VIII

    Mary, I'm very sorry you and your family are going through all this.

    I really enjoy your posts.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

  • carla

    I'm so sorry Mary.

  • SnakesInTheTower


    very sorry to hear all of this bad news. you are a tough gal, but even tough gals have a soft spot. Family is always the thing that gets to us.

    I don't have anything witty to say... check your PM in a few minutes.

    Snakes (Rich )

  • WuzLovesDubs

    Mary, I was struck by what you said about finding that book in their nightstand. When my grandfather had cancer, he had it a very long time. He had smoked most of his life and had a laryngectomy done in the late 60s and in the 70s it was spreading to his lungs. But he was ornry and nasty to my grandmother. She was blind and mostly deaf so they couldnt communicate. He would move furniture so she would trip and tried to spend all of his money so she wouldnt have any when he died. I found an entire closet full of still wrapped pajamas and socks from Sears that he spent money on from a catalog (that was in 1972) and tools he never intended to use. But when he finally passed away in 1975, I was cleaning out his house so we could sell it (grandma move in with my mom) and found dozens of little crosses, prayer books, notepads he had written prayers on, pictures of Jesus...and could feel how desperate he was to live. They were all over the house. He never went to church, never mentioned prayers or Jesus or God or anything ever as long as I had known the man. So from what he saw as his foxhole, he was reaching out to God in ways he never had before. I went from being angry at him to feeling very very sorry for the torment he must have been going through not only physically but in his heart.

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