I think you're going through a grieving period as you come to the full realization that what you have looked forward to all your life is not going to happen. It is perfectly normal what you are feeling right now and you are doing the right thing in coming to this board and expressing your feelings.
I suppose I believed in the paradise earth when I was a child. I really don't remember. But I do know that when I left my feelings were that I wanted a few years of a "normal" life among "normal" people even if I died in Armageddon in 1975. I honestly, honestly felt that way. I just wanted nothing to do with the JWs anymore.
Bonafide, I've just come to realize from reading your posts that you are not married and have dedicated your whole life to the WTBTS. You have worked tirelessly for them and you sound like a great guy. You are not old, Bonafide. You are young. You can begin a new life. You can make friends outside of the KH. You can go to school. You can move to another town. You really,really can.
It will take time. In the meantime , you've got us. We are your friends and we love you. I want only happiness for you.
As we come out of the cult, we have to realize that happiness is for NOW. We don't live anymore for the hope of happiness after Armageddon. Grab life now and make the most of it.