Top 10 Memorial Excuses (page 8)

GLTirebiter

Can't make it, I'm going to a Passover seder.
It's Palm Sunday, so I'll be busy replacing all the old palms behind the crucifixes.

Found Sheep

Going would hurt my trained conscience. I used that and got a blank stare back

nugget

can't go since the hall has no food safety certificate so should not be serving beverages.

I will drink my own wine at home I object to sharing a glass with goodness knows how many others.

Are the elders who will be passing beverages to my children properly certified to work with children.

Can they guarantee the speaker will be better than last time the sound of snoring from several rows was very off putting.

My only clean clothes are slutty dresses I wouldn't want to stumble the brothers.

There is a good horror movie on TV and I would rather not miss it.

It is a pointless ceremony that does not follow bible guidelines and is an offense to God and Jesus I'll only attend if I can do the talk.

therevealer

I find that cheap red wine upsets the tum tum.

blondie

Do you go to the other meetings? If so, I'd just go and wear and ear bud and put a radio or mp3 player in my pocket.

notjustyet

How about putting some old dentures in your mouth and accidently drop them into the wine glass. Okay, Okay, I know, that's a stretch, how about just a tooth

ziddina

Hah!! Blondie, that's a good one!!!

Here's another one...

"I've just developed a hearing problem - I go selectively deaf when hammered with scriptural inexactitudes..." [with a thanks to the movie "Easy A"...]

bats in the belfry

Q.: Why did you not attend the memorial?

A.: Despite saying 'i t is important to attend' there is no scriptural backup. Actually, I have been quite sick from travelling to and fro the many meetings, so I read all the scriptural accounts myself at home.

Those who are of Jesus’ “other sheep” class, with the hope of everlasting life on a paradise earth, are not under command to partake of the bread and the wine. (John 10:16) It is important to attend the annual celebration, but they do not partake of the emblems. So if one of them is sick or is traveling and thus not with any congregation that evening, he or she could privately read over appropriate scriptures (including the account of Jesus’ instituting the celebration) and pray for Jehovah’s blessing on the event worldwide. But in this case there is no need for any additional arrangement for a meeting or a special Biblical discussion a month later.

w93 2/1 p. 31, Questions From Readers

Slidin Fast

Testicula neuralgia. Ball ache.

Top 10 Memorial Excuses