Did you always know you might leave? (page 4)

jaguarbass

I was a JW because I was born in it. I became an Adult in 1971 The Big A was 4 years away.

Fortunately they played their hand and I started to fade in 76.

But from 72 when I got married till 76. I believed and thought I was headed for paradise.

Yes. I read or heard or saw something at almost every meeting that made me tell myself that I wasn't going back. But by the next meeting I'd think about what I might miss out on if I didn't go back and end up at the next meeting. I yo-yo'd back and forth for years like this, never becoming anything of any value to anyone in the org. or to myself. It was coming to this realization that finally allowed me to give myself permission to just say to hell with it all...and I left. I moved away, let weak family ties take their natural course and learned to be happy with my life. Today, I wish that I had better, stronger ties with family who are all still in but as it now stands, I don't see that ever happening. I have a few good friends who have become as close as family and that's good enough for me. Leo

truthsetsonefree

I was conflicted. I knew very down deep there was a possibility. But every time I would try to think about it I was so horrified I'd drop the thought and hope that "Jehovah" would resolve the issues I saw. Talk about mind control....

Isaac Carmignani

Olin Moyles Ghost

No. I remember having a conversation with a close friend about a little more than a year ago. We were complaining about something JW-related. He said "well if somebody could show me something better, I'd leave." I thought about it for a minute and said "Not me. It's not worth the trouble."

I quit!

I remember buying a lot of WT publications at the swap meet when I had been a witness for maybe a year. I thought that an old witness must have died and his worldly relatives were selling his books. At that time I couldn't imagine anyone one ever leaving the witnesses and wanting to dump their books so I guess at that time I couldn't ever imagine leaving,

orangefatcat

When my parents decided to become witnesses , I was really peeved, I was nearly 13 and was to be confirmed in the Anglican church. My grandma had already had planned with the priest for me to commence my course for the event. Well my father said to my grandma Terry isn't going to be confirmed no or ever, we are becoming JW's.

My grandma almost went ballistic she said your not going to make my grandchild a JW but she had no say in the matter. So I was yanked from the Anglican church, forced to study with a JW sister who was a prude and my mom and her locked horns.

I was angry because I was forced to give up the things I believed in to change in to something the JW wanted me to become. Now there were no more holidays birthadays or anyother happy times. just dull dismal times meetings preaching, meetings preaching and home bible study, personal study oh yeah I loved it really a whole bunch. NOT But what can a 13 yr old do, say no I am not going. My father would have killed me he had been such a violent man up until he started to sober up in 63 I hated him I didn't respect him, how do you respect a father who smashes and breaks everything you love and hurts everything you love and screams and hits you and throws things all over the house, And I was to love and respect this slobbering man. I don't think so mom. Mom wasn't much better, she went pretty much where she wanted to go she hung out in the city of Toronto with the beatniks and did drugs and was involved with occultism my family was pretty messed up and even trying to pretend to love my parents was a difficult task. I wanted my grandma more than ever, and she didn't live to far from us at that tme until my father moved us farther away from her.

I knew in my heart I was never deep deep down that I missed Christmas and I hated not celebrating the holiday I loved more than all else , I missed my great grandma and grandpa and grandma and the Victorian Christmas' we had they were so grand. I can't figure out how dumb my whole family was because every Christmas day I had a turkey dinner like my grandma make and all the trimming and I have out my tartans and pretty dishes and best china and all my red and green things and it looked like christmas and to me it was christmas with out the tree and decorations. They didn't see it or they did see it and ignored it. I think deep down in my moms heart I suspected she thought I might one day leave. Two wks before I left she spoke sternly with me and my spirituality. She said bluntly if I didn't start going out in the service and going to the meetings more regualarly I was headed for spiritual disaster. And then after that everything just went down hill. For the next two wks we didn't speak, I packed up all my belongings and purged my home and threw out nine green giant garbage bags full and my husband didn't even ask me why there were so many bags of garbage. I filled my closet full of my boxes, (we slept in seperate rooms) so he did nt have a clue that all my worldly good were already to go out the door with me in a f ew days.

The choice to leave was hard because I knew i could never speak to any of them again nad that is hard, but then on the other hand with the way my mom and youngest sister treated me I felt quite justified in leaving . My other two sisters live away one in Ottawa and well she is something I would rather not discuss and my sweet sister in Australia is the only one I really miss. we lived together in montreal and pioneered together. I miss her. She came back for a while when our father passed away in 95 and then ten months later they decided to return to Australia, which was really hard on me. we hugged and kissed and I think I knew at that moment I would never see her again and apparently from what my Aunt told me she took the news very very hard. I didn't want to hurt her or anyone but I was hurting and If I hadn't left iwould have ended up in a loonie bin I am sure of that\

Now free and happy and grateful to God I am a new person alive and filled with much joy I couldn't ask for more happiness.

love Ofc

halcyon

I always felt just like the original poster; I could have written exactly what they said. I also never thought I would leave.

But then I did. It took years, and I separated myself from friends for a few years before I actually quit going to meetings. I kinda shunned myself away from them, I guess.

What did it take? A lot of things, but mostly I fell in love with a worldly man and my heart couldn't accept that it was wrong, even though my head was screaming it to me every day. I wanted him to convert, but at the same time I started looking at my religion through the eyes of an outsider, and I was finally forced to look at it rather than bury my head in the sand and accept everything without thinking. And once I did that I could see how so many things just didn't make any sense.

And since honesty has always been important to me, and since I felt that I had learned to be manipulative and devious as a witness, and then I imagined standing before God and justifying why I had stayed a witness even though I didn't believe it, which made me a liar ... and that was the breaking point for me.

LouBelle

I didn't think I would ever leave - though I didn't plan my whole life around JWism. I never saw myself having a JW hubby or JW kids either....so perhaps my true essence knew I wouldn't stay one forever.

There were a couple of things I didn't agree with but hoped that "new light" would show the truth of it. I enjoyed most aspects of the faith - the talks, even the fieldies at times, the assemblies. But as I got to see the faith for what it was those things started to eat into my time / space and became a burdon.

SPAZnik

Jimmy Page ... that's interesting. I've really gotta read that. It seems to fit with my experience. ////// To answer this thread: Even though I was 'born in' and truly thought I believed it, I do recall the occasional contemplation of who I would have been were I not a dub (and actually liking that person -- haha). Add several dashes of cognitive dissonance about their teachings along the way (though I didn't know that's what it was at the time) and presto, I guess my departure was, in a way, inevitable. I can say though that I'd never have predicted it, even after a year of inactivity (fading by default), 'til the moment I made the decision.

Did you always know you might leave?

UnConfused