yeah, regardless of the issues with the organization, you did commit adultery -- and by almost any guidebook, thats pretty skankworthy.
Should I go to the elders about the affair?
by weeone 53 Replies latest jw experiences
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outofthebox
I am an elder, and my advice is DON'T GO TO THE ELDERS!
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Anti-Christ
First it's not the truth, second why would you want to have anything to do with this stupid religion? Ask yourself why, are you out for revenge? If this guy wants to live like an hypocrite why do you want to "rat" on him? One thing I have learned is that you can't wear a mask for ever. He will not last very long has a Jaydub. When you understand that this religion is a cult you will see all the psychological damage it does to people. Your story is very common. In a high control group like the JW people seem to over compensate for their lack of freedom.
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bluesbreaker59
I'm not going to console you and say what you did is cool, or good, because I think sleeping with a married person is totally not cool. But in regards to your question no, don't talk to the elders, you're not part of their little club anyway. Why do you want the hassle of dealing with these perverts? You do know all the questions they ask don't you? Very personal stuff, I would avoid them like the plague.
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darth frosty
I am an elder, and my advice is DON'T GO TO THE ELDERS!
You just say that so you dont have to deal with the aper work and s77 forms.
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steve2
Weeone, your upfront disclosures on your first post are possibly too frank for more conservative posters, but, hey, that's their problem, not yours. Going to the elders might salve your conscience in the short-term, but the fall-out from speaking to them will probably last well into the long-term.
See if you can develop your own ability to work these tricky things out yourself instead of running to well-meaning but rigid-minded men. There are lots of self-help books, many written by and for women, that invite more self-responsibility for choices and skills for handling the consequences of your actions throughout life. My view is that the need to confess your sins to a group of men keeps you stuck in an infantile approach to life, whereas taking responsibility for your own actions is a more demanding and adult task.
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RubaDub
Weeone ...
Just be aware that if you do go to the elders, the whole situation may turn back against you.
The fact that you were having the affair while he was attending meetings is your word against his, so there is nothing they can technically do if he refutes what you say.
Then, the fact that you are not attending meetings will make you look like the spiritually weak one who was tempting him during the time he was trying to build himself spiritually.
Unless he has some unique private body part that would clearly identify him, I don't see the elders doing anything to him but instead will focus on you.
Of course, each body of elders (or even individual elders within the body) has its own take on the matter. But unless you can prove you had the affair while he was going to the meetings, I don't think there is much more they will do other then focus on you.
Rub a Dub
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The Mulberry Man
Dont go to the elders NEVER EVER - but do tell his wife (via phone or letter) and let him deal with the fall out. I am going thru a simular thing myself - I know you want revenge, so get the info together and use your head. If you use a phone make sure it cant be traced ie public phone. Make sure you take a few photo copies of any thing he has written to you and then send his wife a copy. Carefull planning on your behalf will give you a favourable result. Just my opinion.
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Layla33
If you are not part of an organization (and that is EXACTLY what it is), why confess something that is only going to make your life a living hell. If you believe in God, say a prayer, state your peace and move on.
The only thing that will happen is that not only will they make your life a living hell, you will be harassed constantly by the "brothers" and their meeting requests to break you down.
Consider your post sufficient.
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parakeet
If it doesn't stink, don't stir it.