How Can people talk to Children like that.... (page 5)

mrsjones5

My oldest son has had run-in with some white boys at school. He's tried to defend himself but blame shifts to him when he does. I've told him that he has to be smart about it and turn the tables on those boys. The last run-in with one of these boys my son was able to play up being the victim (which he really was), this boy tripped my son in the school cafetreia and my son acted as if he was hurt and shaken up more than he was. That boy got in trouble. Now if my son had jumped up and proceeded to fight the boy I have no doubt that my son would have been blamed for the whole thing and kicked out of school.

aSphereisnotaCircle

So now we're going to label things parents say to their kids in a fit of rage as abuse?

Yes Keyser, that is abuse!

aSphereisnotaCircle

So you think that it warps the child to discipline them?

The best discipline is to give them a cookie?

MsMcducket, I don't think anyone here is saying that you shouldn't disipline your child.

MsMcDucket

Darn it! I'm trying to find that sociology term! Anyway, I came across two term that go with the topic.

feckless	Term favoured by the New Right to describe individuals, parents, lone mothers etc. who are carefree in their attitude and fail to take seriously their actions and responsibilities.
feckless parents	Term associated in particular with the New Right. Fecklessness is a failure to address personal responsibilities, such as promiscuity, welfare dependency, violence, lack of discipline, etc.

MsMcDucket

This term comes close; but there was another term. Hmmmm?

overdogs

Term given by Howard Becker to apply to those with social power to be able to define the behaviour of others as deviant. Behaviour which is regarded by such groups as undesirable or threatening is particularly likely to be defined as 'deviant'.

amicus

And does ghetto equate with PWT? Both sound derogatory.

They do to me as well, but only because the term ghetto is often misused I think. A "ghetto" is a place not a lifestyle. One could say Beverly Hills has become a ghetto, but few would understand what you were saying. PWT is a stereotype that implies poor whites are trash? I don't like the term myself.

Child abuse occurs in all races and income levels.

Sad, but true. I lived for a while in a 3rd world country comprised of mostly decendents of African slaves (98% of the population I'd guess). Child abuse was almost non-existant. Most of the population was poor, but they took darn good care of their kids. It was a very refreshing change from the old US. That was 10 years ago, so things may have changed some, but probably not much.

Who determines what discipline is?

I suppose the parent(s) has that job within the confines of local laws. Every child is different of course so I expect it would vary from family to family.

Most children need boundaries.

"Lord of the Flies" was so sad.

So you think that it warps the child to discipline them?

I sure don't think so.

The best discipline is to give them a cookie?

I wish I could have convinced my mom of that.

I took my oldest son to work a few times when he was a toddler. A co-worker of mine gave my son a piece of candy (I think, can't remember what it exactly was) and I told my boy to say thank you. My co-worker said "Oh, he doesn't have to." I said "Oh, yes he does." This was puzzling to me cuz this is the same co-worker who said to me that it's going to be tough to raise a black boy cuz they're so violent. My oldest son is a very sweet and kind young man. Oh that co-worker was white.

I had "please and thank you" so drummed into me as a kid people were going to hear it no matter what they asked me to do.

mrsjones5

I think what got me about that is she tries to say that my teaching my son manners is not necessary then turns around and says how violent black boys are...wtf? It's 12 years later and it still blows my mind.

Bobbi

Before you judge that mother, walk in her shoes a bit.

I said something nasty to my son when he thought it was funny to step on Mommy's heels to make her stumble. After telling him repeatedly to stop he kept it up. I am sure if anyone in the parking lot was listening they probably thought I was a terrible person too.

You overheard a snippet of her day.

Bobbi

amicus

I think what got me about that is she tries to say that my teaching my son manners is not necessary then turns around and says how violent black boys are...wtf? It's 12 years later and it still blows my mind.

Wow, if someone had made a comment like that to me which could have applied to one of my kids (white, black, red, green or purple) I would have been pissed! In fact just hearing that someone made that comment to you pisses me off. No shortage of idiots in this world.

White Dove

I'm not sure which word you are looking for, but your words sure seem to fit better than mine:

Ethnocentricity: A tendency to view one's own enthicity/culture as superior to others'.

How Can people talk to Children like that....

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