Ask Happy Homemaker! (page 31)

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Fresh-cut flowers: an ephemeral but lovely addition to a room ...

To bring Spring's first blush of color inside your home is an immediate and simple means to liven up an otherwise static interior.

While you may prefer the hued profusion and visual cacophony of a wildly mixed bouquet, Sassy Stuart finds rest and repose in the simplicity of a volume of white blossoms set against their green foliage [stems showcased through a clear vase] as Nature's inimitable way of soothing the savage breast. To perk up a room gloomy from Winter's overstayed welcome [is this season ever happily anticipated?] choose a yellow floral arrangement.

You may be pleased to discover that your sticking to a single color of blossoms will serve as a glorious focal point as Nature's evolving decor takes you from bud to blossom to blast....

Sassy Stuart

BabaYaga

Lozhasleft

Dear Happy Homemaker

I have a problem with ironing. One reason is that I feel it was invented by Satan so I fear being demonized if I do more than a couple of articles at a time. Another reason is my allergic reaction to the chore, it brings me out in a rash of anger and frustration. This leads in to my next dilemma. The cupboard where I store the unironed clothes in the waiting queue is now bulging considerably. Do you have any useful suggestions as to where I might put upcoming items awaiting the ironing routine?

Thanks in advance

Loz x

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Sassy Stuart and Staff Dweebs do sincerely thank Baba Yaga for the cheerful and smiling daisies. They will be placed promptly in a crystal vase and taken to our premier showroom for display.

Appropriate attribution will be given.

Most gratefully,

SS & SD

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Dear Loz x:

Thank you for your most compelling and heart-rending inquiry.

Since you speak of a waiting queue wherein wrinkled duds lie in desperate wait for the passing of an iron, I am given to infer that you are a member of our brethren across the pond. Be that as it may, Satan knows no boundaries. Your irrational fears surrounding the Evil One's personal investment and possesssion of your articles of clothing is, nevertheless, one based upon credible evidence that he uses the most mundane of chores to distract one from Kingdom interests.

I would toss all your clothing with the thought in mind that the wise men of Ephesus, who consigned their fortune in magic practicing books to the biggest bonfire this side of the Mississippi, took the loss as nothing in comparison to the excelling value of the acquisition of the glorious good news. They possessed the proper spirit [not the demonic spirit, mind you] of sacrifice and attrition. So, too, should you.

Go for drip-dry and never look back!

Hope this helps!

HH aka SS

Lozhasleft

Dear Happy Homemaker

Yes I am indeed from across the pond as you so nicely put it ...but make no mistake Satan is over here quite often in his desire to corrupt and destroy. I am afraid that I am unable to take the advice you offer so delightfully, though I do note its value. It wouldn't be financially viable for me to follow it you see. Moreover, husband (of grey hairdom) would look a trifle silly wandering around in his grunts awaiting new 'drip dry' clothing which he would possibly reject since he seems to favour the most difficult materials, ironing wise. I would hate to bring scoffing and scorn on his head if he were to attempt to conduct his daily life without his full attire...and indeed the hilarity that would ensue could be dangerous for those involved. This side of the pond, as you so nicely put it (again), the drip dry variety of clothing leaves a lot to be desired, conjuring up images of Bri Nylon grey/white shirts...so perhaps you would rethink your previous and possibly hasty advice on your side of said pond, as I so nicely put it.

In anticipation

Loz x

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Dear Loz x:

You must be indulgent with Sassy Stuart as you are the first living person in quite some time to have made a direct inquiry of him. His otherwise seeming flippant suggestions are painfully and soul-searchingly come upon though one would recognize that even in the sorest of straits Old Scratch never shows a tear of compassionate consideration for ones such as your husband who, unfortunately for your sake, cannot go without his present wardrobe. Wrinkles be damned to Hell!

Perhaps when Sassy Stuart becomes more fully apprised of the true nature of your family's sartorial circumstance, he will be better able to advise you in all matters great and small.

Would you care for a coupon for half-off the regular price of Niagra Spray Starch?

All the best in your domestic endeavors!

SS aka HH

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People! People!

Don't let's go nutty over too many patterns in a confined area of your living quarters.

We're heading back to the dining room as our current example of being imaginative and colorful yet not endeavoring to outdo a mid eastern bazaar for brazen color and loud displays of uncontrolled textile exuberance.

You have likely spent an earl's ransom on a colorful and vividly patterned oriental rug. This woven wonder, of its own accord, takes center stage in any room where it happens to be lying in glorious horizontal repose. If you have chosen to set upon it your dining arrangement of table and chairs and discover that - due to ill-advised and/or ill-planned juxtaposing of various furnishings - there is a blinding flash of visually chaotic color and pattern because of fabric found upon seat cushions - well ... let's do something about it and not titter unduly!

It stands to reason that you're not about to toss the carpeting that cost you so dearly. Taking a color - I prefer the deeper tones, personally - from the rug, find a suitable (by suitable I mean both durable and color-correct) new fabric for your cushions that complements the floor covering but that does not compete visually with it. You are seeking (it is sincerely hoped) an aesthetic harmony between chair cushions (that, I might add, if I have not already made my point sufficiently clear, are newly of a non-patterned fabric) and rug.

The resultant ambience will promote better digestion and family concord.

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Do you need a new look for any room of the house?

Do the furnishings and accessories create a visual jumble that leaves you disconcerted and ill at ease?

Is the wall color dark or dreary or just plain boring?

Let's start by painting the walls and ceiling white. If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate.

Super White [if you can handle the somewhat clinical look and ensuing atmosphere]. You are already aware, I'm certain, that I do not go for flat wall paint whatsoever: chalky appearance and scant durability. It's clear to me, if your answers to the above questions were all in the affirmative, that you need to neutralize the room and open it up with an airy, springtime freshness. If you have carpet and it is old and ratty and way too dark a hue (it could be the dirt), rip it out. If you have no money to put in a lighter shade of wall-to-wall carpet or bleached hardwood flooring, simply paint the floor (with floor-durable paint, of course). Personally, I would stick to white for the floor, but, rather than a whiter shade of pale, a slightly darker shade of pale to ground the room ...

Let everything dry and set up thoroughly. We'll get to how and where to repopulate your gorgeous new environment of peace and repose.

Later....

Sassy Stuart

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Some ideas for asilentone, et al, perhaps ...

Ask Happy Homemaker!

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