Are single-never-married heterosexual males approaching their forties...

by DanTheMan 83 Replies latest social relationships

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  ESTEE

  Hi again Dan,

  Hugs to you. I'm sorry to hear you are so down on yourself about finding --- or not finding --- the perfect babe. When I was looking for my purrfect guy, I sat down and made a list of all the requirements I would like in a guy I could fall for. For me, because I love to dance, the guy had to love to dance (it's a soul thing with me). Then I went to dance clubs, took lessons, and forgot all about "looking" because I was learning about something I was passionate about --- dancing. Then along comes Mr. Estee --- who also happened to love to dance. As we got to know each other, we found to our delight that we had a lot in common. We both love to garden. We both love to go for walks. We both had a weird religious history (his ex was assimilated by a cult, whereas I just left the jws). You know, things like that. We had the same kind of values, such as we were both spiritually-minded, but not necessarily religious --- and we hit it off. We dated for three years, then a year and a half ago we moved in together. By the way, it turns out that Mr. Estee also had a checklist of requirements he desired in his purrfect lady.

  So I suggest it is not too late for you to find out who Dan is, then get involved in clubs that you find interesting and that help you develop your already-interesting self. You just might accidentally discover there are lovely ladies out there with the same interests and values, etc. Finding a lady will not be a traumatic experience, but rather finding a lovely lady will be a natural occurrence of discovery. In fact, she may feel that she has found you! You will be just right for each other. Take your time, go slow --- 'cuz ladies get scared off easily if you come off like you are desperate. Just be your cool (or hot) Dan self. Remember you fully deserve to love someone who completely loves you back.

  I send you positive vibes. Have fun and amaze yourself!

  Hugs

  ESTEE
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  Junction-Guy

  Now that was a well thought out post Estee, genuine and from the heart.
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  Dorktacular

  I can't speak for the rest of the world, but here in America, there are more and more men who get well into their 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. who are divorced or never married to begin with. Why? Men are afraid. They aren't afraid of marriage; they are afraid of divorce. They are afraid of getting screwed when their wife wants to dissolve the marriage to go out and "find themselves". For the majority of men, marriage equates to divorce, unhappiness and financial ruin. When they asked the late, great writer and comentator Lewis Grizzard if he was ever going to get married again he said "No, I'll just find a woman I don't like and buy her a house!"

  More and more men every year make the calculated decision to not get married so as to not expose themselves to the threat of unhappiness and financial ruin. Does that mean that those men don't want to get married? No, it just means that if 50% of marriages end in divorce, a toss of a coin decides if you're going to get screwed. The lonliness of not being married isn't as bad as the stress, pain and financial issues that are a result of divorce.

  Say what you will; those are the reasons why and everybody knows it. Every time some woman files for divorce and says to some 1-800-LAWYER type-person "I'm going to take him for all he's got", somebody is listening. The message is clear; if you get married, there is a very good chance that a woman will be sitting in a shifty divorce attorney's office uttering those very words in reference to you!

  Yes, I'm married. Yes, I love my wife. Yes, I trust her. I'm not sour on women, or at least I'm not sour on MY woman. But, it's interesting, even my wife has cautioned her brother about getting married and she has told him all of the things I've just said here. I think it speaks very poorly of our culture that marriage is not taken seriously and that people jump into and out of marriage so quickly. When you get married, you swear an oath before God and the government that you will be by that person's side no matter what. It is a contract not to be breached except by death. Yet, so many people break that contract. That speaks poorly to the integrity of at least one person in that relationship. I think that divorce should be handled differently by the courts. Perjury is a felony. If you swear an oath before the court and enter into a contract and you don't live up to that contract, doesn't that amount to lying to the court?? I think that people who file for divorce for no apparent reason (i.e. "incompatibility" or "I don't feel fulfilled") should have some sort of legal penalty assesed to them. Additionally, they should be barred from ever entering into another marriage contract. Barring infidelity, physical or emotional abuse, there should be no reason to breach the marriage contract without impunity. I think that if this were the case, people would carefully consider the prospect of marriage and carefully examine the person that they are considering entering the marriage contract with.

  Nobody buys a house without researching EVERYTHING about that house. Why? Because it is the single largest financial investment a person will ever make in their entire life. I think there should be at least that much care and examination given to what will be the greatest emotional investment you will ever make for life.

  So, I've rambled on again for a few paragraphs.
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  Dorktacular

  And.... Once again I appear to be the "thread killer". Damn, I'm dangerous!