Groanfest. Share your daftest jokes .

by jhine 46 Replies latest social humour

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Q. What's the difference between an introverted Engineer and an extroverted Engineer?

    A. An introverted Engineer looks down at his shoes when he talks to you. An extroverted Engineer looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

    A newly married Chinese couple went on their honeymoon. The groom had always been kept busy working in his family's restaraunt and was embarrassed by his lack of experience with women. On their wedding night, wanting to impress his new bride, he told her he would do anything she liked and all she had to do was ask. The bride was inexperienced as well but said to her husband.

    " I have heard my married girlfriends whispering about the number 69 and I too want to try this number 69."

    The young husband looked puzzled and said " Really??? You want Garlic Chicken with Snow Peas?"

  • Slave4_38y
    What do you call cheese that's not yours?

    Nacho cheese.
  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    What's blue and bubbly and scratches on windows?

    A smurf in the microwave.

    What's blue and red and goes 300 miles an hour?

    A smurf in the blender.

  • JamesThomas
    Two cows are standing at a pasture fence looking out over the neighboring meadow.

    After some time passes, one cow says to the other: “I hear that Mad Cow disease is going around again”. To which the other replies: “What do I care – I'm a helicopter”.

  • Hairtrigger

    A big guy is walking down a street when he sees a sign on a window that says," WE GUARANTEE YOU LOSE AS MUCH AS 20 lbs IN THREE DAYS OR YOUR MONEY BACK. Price $1500"

    He walks in an is greeted by a young hostess. She takes him into a private room and asks him to strip down to his b'day suit . There is a weighing scale and she asks him to weigh himself. He does and finds he weighs 290lbs. She leaves.

    He is wondering what he is in for when a secret door opens and a stunningly beautiful blonde walks in. She is butt naked and holds up a sign."IF YOU CAN CATCH ME YOU CAN HAVE ME". Big Mac is delighted and starts chasing her around the room. Once or twice he just about brushes her with his fingers but she, tantalizingly. is always just a touch away. After about six hours of this she leaves and he dresses and goes to the hostess. She asks him to weigh himself . He does and finds he weighs 284lbs. He is over the moon and goes home determied to catch the vixen the next day.

    The next morning when he arrives he goes through the same preliminaries and waits stripped . The secret door opens and two girls-both amaxzingly beautiful -enter displaying a sign that says " IF YOU CATCH US YOU CAN HAVE US". Big Mac redoubles his efforts . Six hours later he is delightfully exhausted but no luck . They were just a maddening touch away. He weighs himself and finds the macine saying 277 lbs. He dresses, stunned at his weight loss. He goes home and swears to himself he is gonna get one of them the next day.

    He is back on the third day . He almost runs into the private room and gets his tags off in record time.He looks at the secret door almost salivating at the mouth. The door opens and a 6foot 4 inch absolutely muscle-bound African American man, with a dong thats looks like the bottom half of a baseball bat, standing in the doorway with a sign." If I catch you ,you are my bitch!!"

  • gone for good
    gone for good

    A guy goes back to the doctors office to hear the results of his tests.

    He knows something is wrong when the doctor enters, staring at his test results and looking shocked.

    ''Give it to me straight doc, how long have I got ?'' the man pleads.

    The doctor replies slowly ''You've got six ..''

    ''Six ?'' the guy screams '' six what, six weeks, six months ?''

    Doctor looks at his watch and says '' five..,four.., three...''

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    JW elderly couple goes to the doctor. Doctor speaking with wife. Your husband is

    under a lot of stress , if he don't change his life style he will die within a year.

    He needs to cut back on knocking on people doors, meetings and stop

    worry about the end of the world. Prepare healthy meals three times a day.

    And most important, sex anytime he feels the need, this will lower his stress level.

    On the way home the husband ask the wife, what did the doctor say?

    The wife said, I will see you in paradise...

  • LoveUniHateExams
    I know a gay couple from Dublin - Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick ...
  • Hairtrigger

    Recalled these while driving back from work.

    Jingo is a street dog and he is best friends with Weiner III, who is a blue blood competition winning golden retriever.

    So one morning Jingo meets Weiner and they exchange pleasantries.

    " Hey Jingo, How are yu my friend?"

    " Oh Hye Weiner . O.K mate. So you look all groomed, handsome and shiny .Whats up ? Taking the girlfriend on a date"

    " Thank you Buddy. No, no such luck.I'm off to a dog show. Big national competition today."

    " Oh! o.k. Neat! Break a leg matey".

    " Thanks. see you later."

    The evening finds both of them meeting up on the street.

    Jingo: Hello matey! How was day?

    Weiner: Two golds, three silvers and twice commended. How was yours?

    Jingo : Oh ! Not bad! Two fights, two F***s and quite contended!!


    Three boys were bragging about their mothers.

    Sez the first: My mom's so fat she can occupy a couch for three by herself.

    The second pipes up: That's nothing. When my mom walks down the street in a red dress all the cars pull over to the side. They take her for a fire truck!

    The third one sniffs; When my mom sends her dresses to the laundermat, they send it back with a note. " We don't wash circus tents.!!


    A marine, on a month's furlough in Dubai ,met a woman who was willing for a price. He spent three weeks with her in a shack when she complained of missing her period. She told him it was his. They argued and the marine felt this was a bummer. He decided to leave before she involved him with the authorities for her condition. He couldn't resist a parting shot though, after paying her a small fortune.

    " If its a girl name her Horina and if a boy call him Shackullah you f*****g slut!.

    She replied," O.K Soldierboy!If you don't walk like a camel in a week call it a lucky strike!!

  • GrreatTeacher

    Have you ever smelled mothballs?

    Yes? How did you get your head between their little legs?

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