Groanfest. Share your daftest jokes .

by jhine 46 Replies latest social humour

  • jhine

    Lots of serious stuff being discussed on site . I thought!it would be nice to make each other groan/ smile for a change .Please share your corniest ,punniest , or daftest joke .

    I will start with this shocker , borrowed from Tim Vine .

    Vandalism in a multi story carpark ......


    Wrong on sooo many levels !

    Come on now share yours


  • mrquik
    A JW dies & goes to heaven. Upon getting at the Pearly Gates, he finds them locked. God approaches & starts laughing. " I just wanted to see that look on your face; priceless!" "But Lord I've spent my entire life as a loyal JW, witnessing, volunteering & donating to my last penny. Will there ever come a day when Paradise welcomes us with open arms?" " Sure, sure" says God. "Just not in my lifetime".
  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    When my wife and I first met, it was love at first sight! I must admit that I quite liked her too!

    Someone from India asked me where I was from; I said, "Scotland." They said, "Which part"? I said, "All of me, of course"!

    I put on a a pair of Nike shoes on my head - I was trying to jog my memory. 0

  • OneEyedJoe

    A few of my personal favorite, really lame jokes:

    It's difficult to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

    How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just 2, but getting them in there is the trick.

    And a couple of my favorites from the late Mitch Hedberg:

    I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman that would get really mad at me for saying that.

    This shirt is dry clean only, which's dirty.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Knock, knock

    Who's there?

    Knock, knock


    Knock, knock

    Will someone please open the door he's deaf!

  • flipper
    A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, " Doc- I think I'm a dog ! I'm growling, barking, scratching- grrrrr.... - I just can't stop ! " Doc says, " You've got a real problem. Come sit down on my couch and tell me about it. " Man says, " I can't - I'm not allowed on the couch. " Peace out, Mr. Flipper
  • Giordano

    Some of my favorites are found on Church signs and notices.

    The Sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water’. The Sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus’.

    Ladies don’t forget the the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

    Don’t let worry kill you off.....let the church help.

    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

    Ladies Bible Study will be held Tuesday at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

    The Eight-graders will be presenting Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

  • 3rdgen

    Giordano, I wish I could double like your post! I literally am laughing out loud. :)

  • Xanthippe

    Saw this in the reviews on a hotel booking site, oh the difference one letter makes:-

    The free wife is terrible, keeps crashing.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    The people of Iran don’t watch the Flintstones, but the people of Abu Dahbi Do.

    I just came in second in a Fidel Castro look-alike contest. The judge said I came close but no cigar.

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