Groanfest. Share your daftest jokes . (page 3)

smiddy

A reporter hears of an elderly Jewish man who has been praying at the wailing wall in Jerusalem every day for over eighty years .He is impressed and goes to interview him.R .you have been doing this for over 80 years now?

what do you pray for? J.M.I pray for world peace among all nations and that everybody love one another ,and I especially pray for peace among the Arabs ,Palestinians and the people of Israel .R.So you have been praying for all this over 80 years now so how do you feel ? J.M Well sometimes I think I`m just talking to a brick wall .

smiddy

RULES & REGULATIONS

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

Xanthippe

A Buddhist monk goes up to a hot dog seller and says, make me one with everything.

jhine

Thanks guys , some real shockers . Keep em coming .I too was laughing out loud .

Jan.

konceptual99

I found a mass grave of snowmen.
Then I realised it was just a field of carrots.

Milton Jones. Class.

My grandfather died the other day. He'd been ill for a long time but last week my grandmother put Vaseline all over his back and then he went downhill really quickly.

Mattieu

A dyslexic man walks into a bra......

jhine

The post about the church notices reminded me of some howlers from test papers written by children at a Catholic school .Here is just a selection of them .My make up is running from reading them over again ,

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree . Noah's wife was Joan of Ark ,and the animals came in in pears .

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals .

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles .

The seventh commandment is " thou shalt not admit adultery "

Solomon , one of David's sons , had 300 wives and 700 porcupines .

St Paul cavorted to Christianity , he preached Holy Acrimony , which is another name for marriage .

Jan

Hairtrigger

A Jdub goes to a clinical psychologist and complains of inferiority complex.

The doctor askes him a whole bunch of questions and prescribes pills and exercise.

Three weeks later the guy comes back and complains of the same thing stating nothing has changed.

The psychologist gives him a separarte set of pills and changes his exercise regimen and asks him to report back in a month.

A month passes and the dub comes back complaing that nothing worked

The doctor looks at him and says " Well there is nothing the matter with you."

" Doc. Then why do I always suffer from this inferiority complex".

" No complex about it . You are inferior ".

A lady walks into a department store with her dog folowing. The dog starts snifing around and disappears around astack of tins.

The clerk on duty looks up and says" Hey lady didn't you read the sign outside? NO PETS ALLOWED '!

The lady gives him a look and calls out " Carpenter, Carpenter Carpenter'.

The clerk is annoyed by now and says" Lady this is a department store not furniture mart".

" Oh No ! I'm calling my dog. His name is Carpenter. You know why I call him Carpenter? Because he makes litle stools all over the place."

" Oh thats good to know lady! Say, if I give him a foot in his behind; will he make a bolt for the door?"

A JW woman walks into a doctors office with her teen JW daughter.

" Doctor, my daughter hasn't been well lately. She hasn't been able to keep her food down and has become pale and lethargic.

The doctor examines the goirl and says" Oh! There is nothing to worry. This is normal".

" What do you mean 'normal' doc. She isn't normal . She's been sick the whole week'.

" Oh That's because she's pregnant".

" THIS IS IMPOSIBLE. WE ARE JEHOVAHS WITNESSES. WE DON'T ENGAGE IN SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE MARRIAGE. MY DAUGHTER IS NEVER ALLOWED OUT WITH ANY BOYS. SHE IS A VIRGIN.

The doctor ,meanwhile , stood near the window and began whistling and looking upwards.

The woman looked at the doctor really angry." Doc. Have you been listening to what I've just said?"

" OH! Of course. Yes!"

" Then why are you standing near that window and looking up ?"

" Oh! Beacuse the last time this happened, a star appeared in the sky"!

janusfulcrum

A guy dies, goes to heaven, greeted by St. Peter, who gives him a tour. They come to a large room filled with people. "Who are those people?" "Those are our baptists." They come to another large room filled with people. "These are our catholics," St. Peter explains. Then they come to a room where the door is shut. "Who's in that room?" the guy asks. "Well, we keep the door shut on this room. It's the JW's and they think they're the only ones here."

James Mixon

A husband store:

Women shop for a husband. Instructions, only one visit, there are 6 floors and

the value increase on each floor, and you can not go back.

So a woman goes to the husband store.

Floor 1: these men have jobs.

Floor 2: these men have jobs and love kids,

Floor 3:these men have jobs, love kids and extremely good looking.

"wow" she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

Floor 4: All the above plus he will help with housework.

"Oh" mercy me! she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it".

Floor 5: All the above and he have strong romantic streak.

she is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor.

Floor 6: you are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossibly to please.

To avoid gender bias charges the store owner open a new wives store for men.

Floor 1: these wives love sex

Floor 2: these wives love sex and have money,

Floors 3,4,5 and 6 have never been visited.

Groanfest. Share your daftest jokes .

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