I'm terrible at friendships!

by GoddessRachel 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  GoddessRachel

  Here is where I cry and feel pity for myself:

  I'm terrible at keeping up with my friends. I don't call them often enough, or I make an effort in the beginning and then I let it slide. Not because I want to - I have always been sort of socially awkward (the weird part is that everyone who knows me often comments on how I seem to be an extrovert, though I feel very much the introvert!) - but I'm just not a normal person when it comes to this. I'd rather sit at home and read a book, but then I wish I had really good friends, and it's my own fault that I don't!

  OK, am I being a baby? Or does anyone else have problems like this? How do I get better at keeping up my friendships! My life would be so much richer if I would do this.

  Thanks for "listening",

  Rachel
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  leftbelow

  I completely understand. I have the hardest time keeping up with friendships. I don't like to talk on the phone or even email. I do much better face to face. But I will say that one of the things that made me feel better is when I found one of my friends who left the org. after we left Bethel together. I had not spoken to him in over 18 years. But once I left and found him again we were able to pick up were we left off 18 years ago. Sometimes we are harder on ourselfs then others. Everyone get busy and if we go for a while without talking it doesn't mean we don't care and I am sure your friends understand more then you know.
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  Crumpet

  The internet my dear! Facebook, Myspace, MSN, email - that way you can send a message to your friends when you are thinking of them, keep in touch and not have to be too extroverty. I love the net for that, especially since my friends live minimum of an hour away and many of them live here in the States - thousands of miles away when I am at home. And for those not on line a good old fashioned letter never goes amiss.
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  mrsjones5

  You're not alone! I am the same damn way and I can't seem to get myself out of being this way. I have a friend that I adore and she think's I'm the bee's knees and I neglect her. I had another friend that was the same way as me and wouldn't ya know it we almost never talk. I want to change...I think I'll call my friend tomorrow.

  Josie
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  whoknows

  Rachel

  I can relate. Its not that I'm anti-social, but I am not good at the phone thing, I would much rather talk in person. If I can't do that, I try to compensate with email and I send cards often too. I find email comfortable because it doesn't demand an immediate response from anyone and seems less intrusive. I know sometimes it would be nicer if I just picked up the phone, but I have some weird intimidation about it. I guess we all have our little ids.
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  lilyflor

  I'm so glad you posted your feelings, because that is exactly the way I feel. I have had those exact thoughts many times, and I thought I was the only person who felt that way.
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  IP_SEC

  I'm terrible at keeping up with my friends. I don't call them often enough, or I make an effort in the beginning and then I let it slide.

  Me too I've had some really wonderful friends that I didnt keep up with once jobs changed or I moved away. I can be a grade A ass in that case I guess.
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  GoddessRachel

  Thanks! I'm glad I posted these feelings too!

  The internet is nice, and so are letters, thanks for the advice. I'm bad at finding time to make phone calls. It's just something a person needs to make a priority and work at if they really want it, but also not beat ourselves up for being this way...

  I like the comment that we need to remember that we care about our friends and they are thinking the same things about us, that they care about us, I mean.

  A friend once told me I'm bad at follow-through. I have great intentions, but I don't follow through. It's true.

  My neighbor is this guy who will walk up and knock on your door and bring you flowers or baked goods. He is a person who knows how to have relationships with people - he is 67 I believe, and so he has 40 years on me; maybe I will figure it out by then! I surely hope so.

  I think part of it is how I feel burned by all of my former friendships - they all chose JW over me, or I chose the world over them, or whichever way you want to view it - it's hard to start from scratch. But seriously that's what I need to do!
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  GoddessRachel

  Job changes and moving away certainly contributed to my lost friendships too!
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  Dagney

  Email has helped me tremendously in keeping up friendships. I don't like the phone either...it's too inconvenient...and I talk all day at work, ugh...don't want to talk on the phone at all after work. So email helps me keep in touch with friends (and family) daily, or many times throughout the day or weekly. We know what each other are doing. (Monday is a big "check-in" day with everybody.)

  It's really worth it to make the effort to keep friends, or create new ones. IMHO