Most LUDICROUS thing you've ever heard at the KINGDOM HALL

by berylblue 34 Replies latest jw friends

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  logic&reason

  And now we feel like molested bees. (to borrow two words from the JW songbook)

  That is funny. I think that song also has a line that says something like "we have to beat them off" ... wow! that is good comedy.

  Someone recently called to tell me about a public talk they heard on the subject of the bible's accuracy. During the talk the speaker started paroting lines from the Creation book, but he got mixed up.

  He said that when he was in school, "they used to teach that the earth was flat and that it was sittin' on the back of a turtle. But that's man's wisdom..."

  He also said that he was glad that Jehovah had given him a "spiritual education, because now he knows that the earth is a sphere."

  This guy was giving a PUBLICTALK! I guess we could give him the benefit of the doubt... perhaps he went to school in ancient India.

  Where do they get these clowns?
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  worf

  logic&reason,

  That is funny!

  Where has this guy been?! Humans have known the earth is a sphere for centuries already. That came from nitty gritty scientific reasoning, not from some jehovah.

  "Where do they get these clowns from"?

  Answer = the circus.

  Worf
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  wha happened?

  Several come to mind. One meeting in a hall that was predominantly African American, a Caucasian brother makes a reference to slavery and goes on to detail how it was the Africans that sold their brothers to slavery and not whites. Next one was a year ago during the female circumcision article, everyone was going on about how they can't send their daughters to African for fear they might get mutilated. One brother used to refer to modern dances as "violent shaking of the breasts". Somehow he always seemed to tie any comment to it. One speaker referring to Star Wars as an insult to God's creation. Later he went on to elaborate that weddings are excessive and that it should be a simple potluck with the sisters singing Kingdom melodies. One brother giving a local needs talk kept referring to Mosh pits as mushing. the list goes on
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  Tired of the Hypocrisy

  Two in Albuquerque....One in a Spanish Cong and one in an English one....

  The Spanish Bro was praying and said, "Que Pases muy buenas noches, Jehova." (He wished Jehovah a good night.)

  The guy in the English hall was praying and he killed everyone when he said, "And most of all Jehovah, we thank you for your many, many perversions, both the physical and the spiritual." Maybe he was giving us all a heads-up and we missed it?????
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  Mickey mouse

  "It's not the truth that's the problem, it's all the outside pressures Satan's world is putting on us."

  ""He knows it's the truth but..."
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  jookbeard

  Most congs have a retard or three dont they? and in the W/T study we used to have this kid called David who used to have his hand up for every single question, but the study conductor used to give him 1 answer and that was it , but he was mad , so the question was asked (something about types/antitypes etc) and David yells out Satan's gonna cause a civil war!
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  Samuel Thorsen

  One elder said in a public talk that Karl Lagerfeld was always using a necktie, and that showed us the importance of allways wearing a necktie on meetings. I heard the talk twice in two different congregations and he gave the same statement both times.
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  trevor

  ‘Have you ever had the desire?’ The next speaker’s voice caught my attention as he began a short lecture in his Dudley Moore voice.

  ‘I know I have. As recently as last week a Sister expressed the same desire as me. My desire gets stronger all the time and I was able to satisfy that desire as recently as last week. Do you know what that desire was?

  I couldn’t begin to imagine what the answer to the riddle was but was sure it had nothing to do with what I was thinking.

  ‘The desire to have a Bible study with an interested person.’ Well of course!
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  MissingLink

  In a public talk: "We all know that watching television is not acceptable for true christians, but brothers, many among us are still opening their minds to satan's world by reading newspapers. Every single page of these newspapers is propaganda from satan's world. From the news articles to the advertisements.... All of the news we need we receive from the faithful and discreet slave".

  Although still "in" at that point, I nearly walked out of that talk. And I swore if that visiting speaker ever returned, I would walk out.
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  Witness 007

  1978- "Armegedon is just around the corner.............1983 'Armagedon is so close..................1989 "Armagedon is almost here.............1994 "We should plan for Armagedon very soon.." 1999 "Armagedon is almost here..........2004 "Armagedon's prophecies are furfilled, the time is now." 2008 "Armagedon is so close.."