Most LUDICROUS thing you've ever heard at the KINGDOM HALL

by berylblue 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • berylblue

    I certainly have heard a lot of idiotic stuff during my tenure as a Witness - but this one is priceless:

    A neophyte was complaining about the heat, humidity, physical effort, etc., involved in attending the District Convention at Veteran's Stadium in Philadelphia - and she was right. It WAS miserable. Hauling around babies in 103 degrees, having perspiration all over your modest clothes (God forbid you dress in something suitably cool), attempting to stay cool while still feigning interest in the program ----

    Whereupon the sister who was studying with her stated, "This is Jehovah's way of preparing us for Armegeddon. He does it because he loves us".

    I had to turn away so she wouldn't see my look of horror. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

    I later pulled the neophyte aside.

    "What Txxxx told you? I suppose Jehovah doesn't like those losers in the other district".

    "Why do you say that?" Mxxxx asked me.

    "Well, right now, they are sitting in an air conditioned theatre."

    "I don't get what you mean."

    "If this convention really were to prepare us for the privations of Armegeddon, don't you think it's a little unfair that those in other districts are not receiving the same preparation? "

    She agreed with me that the entire proposition was a bit absurd.

  • loosie
    "If this convention really were to prepare us for the privations of Armegeddon, don't you think it's a little unfair that those in other districts are not receiving the same preparation? "

    You only hurt the ones you love. lmbo

  • dawg

    That lady is a dumb ass!

    But, do you guys remember the 15 minute intermission they used to have between the Sunday talk? Some Halls did it, I don't know if yours did... we had this Brother (a little slow)who said... "let's all stand and for the next 15 minutes have relations". Everyone started laughing... My uncle, who hadn't been to a hall in years happened to be there, he;s a very funny man...he says "well, I'd of been back to the Hall a long time ago if I had known things like this were happening"... damn, that was funny!

  • hillbilly

    1. Smurfs--- we had a black bro from Barbasos who used up 20 minutes of a Service meeting warning about Smurfs...he related every urban ledgend about the lil blue critters ever told--- as cold fact
    2. Mens facial hair ...beard, etc was indicative of homosexual leanings in males. A sister went on with this for a solid 8 minutes of a Bookstudy one night... straight faced as a high school physics teacher...convinced this was scientific fact.


  • FlyingHighNow

    Somebody just gave me an old Smurfs mug with a Smurf Birthday party on it.

    The most ridiculous thing I ever heard was when I was pregnant and had Rh sensitization that threatened the life of my son. "As long as your baby breathes the breath of life, it will get a resurrection." Oh yeah, that made me feel real good. As opposed to, "If your baby doesn't breathe the breath of life, it won't even get a resurrection.

    Where the hell did they come up with that piece of caca? According to the Bible, all humans get their breath of life from Adam. Research it in their publications, that's what they claim, too. My guess is they were trying to discourage abortions.

  • ssrriotsquad

    Welcome Brothers and Sisters!

  • asilentone

    Do you want to send our love to allgood congregation? (clapping)

  • misspeaches

    you will live forever on paradise earth! hahaha i had to put that one out there..

    we had this crazy sister in her 60s who believed that she had a direct line to Jehovah (and a young girls body too! hahaha) anyway she tried to tell me once in field service that brothers and sisters shouldn't drive their cars with the headlights on in the day time as it drains the battery. Jehovah had revealed this to her apparently. I tried to reason with her as to how the cars can know if it is day time or night time but apparently they do!

    LOL - very frustrating conversation.

  • dawg

    We had a Brother, that I love dearly, that was at the door... the lady comes to the door and is really hateful... he says "we are Jehovah's Witnesses" and she basically says she could give a rat's less whom we were... and the brother doesn't even give a whim of trying to overcome the objection. He says flatly... "well, we'll just be moving along down the street then"... makes me LOL thinking about it!

  • Robert7

    To me the worst was an elder's wife told me "everything you hear on stage comes directly from Jehovah".

    Even back then I thought that type of blind faith was dangerous.

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