Most LUDICROUS thing you've ever heard at the KINGDOM HALL

by berylblue 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • Shawn10538

    1. By brother Herd, as a district overseer at a circuit assembly in Norco, "Black people are ugly. Jehovah did not favor them in the looks department. Just look around you." And he went on to say that the circuit overseer counseled him not to say it again (he had said it the week before apparently at another circuit assembly) but he said, "I'm going to say it anyway." Brother Herd as you may know is black and married to a black woman. I believe he also mentioned how his wife was not going to like that he said that her being black and all and apparently also among the ugly blacks. I think he also said "you may not all be ugly, but the fairer races certainly have an edge asthetically speaking." He then went on to say that black people are more humble, just look at how they respond to the truth in black areas as opposed to white neighborhoods. There has got to be a tape of that program floating around somewhere. I would sure love to hear it again. It was in circuit 5 in LA, San Gabriel Valley and East LA. It's funny I really don't remember hearing much talk about it at all. Apparently there was a lot more agreement with those statements than one might think. I was shocked personally and couldn't disagree more. I think I talked to my mom about it but being a traditional southern belle she was not shocked by it at all and wasn't interested enough in the statements to say anything to anybody.

    2. At morning worship when I was at the farm, Carey Barber, tied in from Brooklyn over telephone wire, told the story of how the Bethel family, In the first few days of Oct. 1914, were dressed in white sheets out on the Brooklyn Bridge waiting to be taken up in the rapture. There were also reports of brothers on the tops of society buildings and on hill tops around the world, all waiting to be taken up. I wonder how long they stayed out there. It sounds like it was just like the Simpsons episode when Homer thought he was a prophet and discovered the date for the end of the world. The scene with Homer leading all of Springfield to the top of the mountain was an eerily historically accurate version of the JW real life story. Anyway, at some point they all went back home to Bethel. The next morning brother Russell started off morning worship with his famous line. "Well, are you disappointed? I'm not! Everything is going according to Jehovah's plan. Sometimes he corrects us, and we thank him for that." He ended with the other famous line, "Well, let's get back to work!" And they did! But they never brought that crazy night up again, and it wasn't untill the 1940s that they brouight up this alternative version where 1914 meant something totally different than what they thought. I wonder if the story ever made it to the pages of the WT, or any other news papers even. I have always wanted confirmation on the story but I was too afraid to ask about it. It just seemed so embarrassing to me. It's one of those things you hear but then wonder if it was some kind of dream; it's just unbelievable that that happened and we were never told about it. But that day in 1992, I heard the whole story from the chairman's table straight from the GBs mouth. I told my parents about it many years ago and they wouldn't believe me.

    3. People who live in Bangladesh, or other geographically volatile places are partly to blame for their own suffering in such disasters because they know they live where it floods and monsoon's. They should move away to some place safer! I have heard this repeated many times over the years. It's supposed to explain why bad things happen to good people. It's usually used in conjunction with the fact that man shaves the side of mountains, for example, and this causes flooding due to being deforested. So, it's man's fault when it floods. Or they point out how living in Florida puts one at risk to be affected by hurricanes, but they don't shore up their houses well enough or try to last through the storm thereby risking their lives. Again, man's fault not God's... The last time I heard this crazy shit, I was with my fiance' right before I was disfellowshipped and I asked the brother who gave the talk why he lived in Southern California where earthquakes are inevitable. He just said, "Well, we have to be reasonable." Whatever that meant.

    I had another great one but it's slipping my mind at the moment.

  • worf

    Circa 1985: CO Carl "Slicin" Dyson is assigned to circuit 15 in Queens NY, and comes through the area with the objective of trying to light a fire under all of us "slacking" bros & sis.

    He criticized everything about everybody, including pointing to those at cong meetings and circuit assemblies who were sleeping while he was speaking.

    Here is some of his "words of foolishness" when he visited our congo. (Keep in mind the year is 1985): He said:"You've got brothers talkin about retirement in 10 more years!. Isn't that foolish?! Do you really think this system will still be around in 10 more years?!

    Its been 23 years since 1985. And this "system" is still here. He 's probably retired from the circuit work himself as he was already in his late 50's back then.

    What a [email protected]#$%gveruul he turned out to be.



    wow - I can't believe I believed anyhting I ever heard at the hall.

    I really appreciate y'all sharing these stories.

  • worf

    While visiting my mother's congregation in South Carolina at a service meeting,in 1998, the PO was giving a talk. He started off with these words: "There was a girl whose cherry was popped" ...

    I could not believe I had heard that! When I returned to NY I immediately wrote a letter to the society with full details of the PO's name, that he had said this during a talk, the name of the congregation, and everything he said. They of course did nothing.


  • worf

    Dawg, I remember the 15 minute intermission.


  • brinjen

    Aren't we all glad we're here tonight? (everyone clapping)

  • AlmostAtheist

    This was a circuit assembly-

    The brother running the show got up at lunch time and said, "Lunch will be from noon to 1:30" and then walked off the stage. Lunch had been called, right? No. The mindless drones that we were, we were waiting for the "you are dismissed" line and it hadn't come. So we all stood there. Standing... standing...

    Finally, Brother RunningTheShow went back on stage and said, "You are dismissed". 2,200 sighs of relief, and the sheep were finally allowed to go to lunch.

    Unbelievably, I was PROUD of the fact that we were all so "obedient"! *barf*


  • dinah

    Atheist, we were drones!

    And now we feel like molested bees. (to borrow two words from the JW songbook)

  • asilentone

    My Dad told me about an elder that was praying in very low voice, they had hard time understanding him. He noticed all of them still have the heads bowed down after he said Amen. He then shouted "Amen!" in much higher voice and it got everyone's attention that the prayer is over.

  • AlyMC

    I have a horrible memory really, what comes to mind for me does so because it was a monumental moment for me. I remember once a brother went on for about 7 or 8 minutes on why feminism is the root of all problems in society. From starvation to marital demise. He explained how Satan was leading the feminist movement.

    Apparently women would never decide against being substandard humans on their own, they needed Satan to lead them to it. What garbage. Oh, and he related is to Eve and how the snake lead her towards "independent thinking".

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